Wednesday, November 11, 2009
child-like faith
Once again I experienced His grace. I got unexpectedly rather good results for my semester exams. All honor and glory to Him. I did nothing. Prior to the exams; I thought I would just do well enough to scrape through a 2.7 CGPA to keep my scholarship. My parents told me that I could do it and when I told my mum how surprised I was and how God had been so merciful; she asked me why I always underestimate myself. I don't know why; I didn't prepare as much as I should. And I thought I didn't do so well cause I barely had enough time for most of the papers. God amazes me.
But the major exams are in two months time; that's much much more important. I guess I'd have to take this as a reminder to study consistently and not slack anymore. Also, I've got to continue trusting Him. And the part I was amazed at most was how the things that happened prior to trials didn't really affect my concentration. These are the things that give me even more reason to believe in His amazing plans.
I have been asked questions about my faith. Honestly I don't always have the answers and it's hard to really give an answer that would open people's eyes to see the truth; they still choose not to believe. Yet, the only thing I can say is that I've experienced Him enough to know that He is real. So many things I cannot explain. But that's what faith is all about. Taking Him at His word; no questions asked.
I need motivation!! Hah.
IMY.
Labels: faith
She thanks her Jesus at 9:46 PM
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
stronger
It's been 3 weeks now. Yet nothing's changed. Maybe I have accepted the fact after all; yet I can't do what they tell me to. I'd rather fake a smile on my face; be a friend and hurt myself then ignore and hurt even more.. It's better that way.
Through this period; I have learnt so much. Learnt to trust. Learnt to love. I couldn't have come this far had it not been for Him. Emotions are strong. Feelings are hard to control. But He is so much stronger than all that I feel.
I don't want to compare myself with anyone else. I don't want
this to make me feel worthless. God has made me who I am. And I trust that His purpose for me goes beyond my understanding... Even though I can't see the valley; I know He's in control. He's my light in the darkness. He's my hope when all else has failed. He is my God; I will yet trust Him.
Labels: faith, feelings
She thanks her Jesus at 10:14 PM
alpha retreat
So as I mentioned; 26 of us students went to Fraser's Hill along with 6 college staff and lecturers. It was a refreshing time for most of us especially after we just had our trials the week before. 2 days were not enough but it was definitely a good break. A much needed one.
We left college at around 8.30 and reached the foothill close to 11. Had a winding journey up; reminded me of those times I used to puke. Lol. And when we reached; we had to walk up; was pretty tiring and nearly all of us were complaining. Haha. But when we saw the place; we were pretty much impressed. Lunch came soon after and it was seriously good. More than enough. It was a full course Western meal. Bread and Soup; Mashed Potatoes; Vege; Pork Chops and Banana Fritter Cake.. Settled down in the rooms and then we had two of the Alpha sessions. After that we had tea. Had scones. Really nice. Free time after that; some of us played Captain Ball and as I expected; the ball eventually was thrown over and rolled down to the jungle. It was just a matter of when. It fell a few times; but they still managed to get it cause there was a fence. But then someone threw it real hard and it got stuck in a bush after the fence. The guys took a long stick to try to take it out, but they pushed it down instead. We were joking about all the balls that could've been lost as well. It started raining then; so I guess it was just in time.
Dinner was great as well. Another full course meal. This time the main dish was chicken with gravy and potatoes. Had our third alpha session at night. We had to do a short skit with items that were given to us. Haha; my group was the last to perform and since the time allocated was only 3 minutes; I stopped the story halfway cause I didn't know what to say anymore. The night was pretty much for ourselves; there wasn't really any curfew. The good thing about having small groups =). So some played Pictionary, some Taboo.. I'm glad I decided not to play though I initially wanted to; God knew what I needed at that time and He provided for that need through a person. =). It was time well spent. The next day; after breakfast, we had our last alpha session for the retreat and ministry time as well. Oh and my group won The 'Academy Award' cause we were the fastest to complete charades in all rounds. The first one was the fastest; Wei Ren did just one action for Cowboy and Vincent got it right away. Haha. Then at 11 we left the place. Most of us felt rather sad cause we wished we could've had more time there... It was really relaxing. This time; the bus came up abit so we didn't have to walk that much. We went to the town awhile; then went to the playground, yes playground. Left the place at 12.30 Then we stopped at Kuala Kubu Baru for lunch and reached KL at 4. And on the way back; me and the guys were so bored at the back we started singing. We edited the 'If You're Happy And You Know It' song to If You're Dizzy and You Know It'. And they made gross puking sounds. Lol. Now pictures..
Me, Wei Han and Chuen Hoe
Julius and Isaac
Group's skit
It's been ages since I played the monkey bars!
Overall, I thoroughly enjoyed myself. I had many things off my mind most of the time. It was a good break. Got 'bullied' by the guys. Their room was opposite mine; the moment I came out of it all of them came with pillows and I was left defenseless. Hah. And now nearly everyone knows my nickname. Won't blame them. There's some truth after all. Heh. I got to know some people better. Loved the company. I'd love to go there again someday. I wish I could just go back; get everything off my mind. It's back to reality now.
Labels: experiences
She thanks her Jesus at 9:08 PM
never let me go
Lord, I need You, more than ever.
Please take these feelings away; it hurts too much..
Today I told You that no matter pain may come I will trust You.
The thing I feared most happened right in front of my eyes.
It's so hard to act like I'm okay in front of you
And you don't even know what I'm feeling,
Yet I can never blame you
My head's spinning; the tears keep flowing.
But I know You will never let me go.
You alone are my comfort; You alone are my peace.
Lord; do what You will; even if my heart has to break.
Your daughter.
She thanks her Jesus at 8:23 PM
you reign
I've seen God working through experiences and circumstances in my life. I've seen His power; how He has never failed to comfort me; how He was always provided sufficient strength to carry on.
I'll post about the retreat some other time. Right now, I'll just have to say that I enjoyed it. Great company, nice place and good food. But these were not merely the reasons why I felt the two days were well worth... God has spoken to me; through certain things and conversations that I've had during the retreat. And it brought me to a point where I realized I've allowed my emotions to take over my decisions. I am only human. He knew all along; all my weaknesses, only He truly knows.. Yet I've been blinded to see so many things that He's been wanting to show me. I've forgotten of certain things I've told Him. I've allowed my present situation to stop me from seeing that He has a plan; and it is all good. I want to grow in love and in faith. I need Him; so much.
How could we live but not see
Your sacrifice
Your glory
You reign, You reign
Over everything Lord, You reign
With power, and justice divine
Over everything Lord, You reign
See now the King of Glory
Love of God become my calling
Father I surrender all I am to You forever
Labels: faith
She thanks her Jesus at 8:24 PM
Saturday, November 7, 2009
the pieces don't fit anymore
I'm not sure of what I'm feeling right now. Too many things happened today. Too many things that are causing this mix of emotions. As much as these memories make me smile, it hurts even more than it makes me happy. Because it ended before it even started.
I've been twisting and turning in a space that's too small I've been drawing the line and watching it fallWell I'll hide all the bruises; I'll hide all the damage that's done
But I show how I'm feeling until all the feeling has gone
It's time to surrender
It's been too long pretending
There's no use in trying
When the pieces don't fit anymore
Will be going to Fraser's Hill tomorrow for a night. It came just in time. I seriously need a break. Till then.
She thanks her Jesus at 12:41 AM
girl at heart
And today was a day like any other. Not.
Had a long day. Feeling somewhat mixed up now. It was a great day no doubt. Wore a new shirt to college today and some said it was nice. And even more said I looked more feminine. Lol. Yeah, especially my friends who tease me occasionally. I'm never spared wherever I go!
Anyway, after CF, we decided to go to Mid Valley. Since the car couldn't fit all 8 of us, Wei Han, Isaac and me took the KTM instead. We waited quite awhile for it and when we reached we saw the rest emo-ing in the group. It looked so fake so we just ignored them and went into Carl's Jr. Hah. It's my 4th time there ever since I came to KL. Skip some details. Then at 6, we watched Inglourious Basterds. The movie was round 2 and a half hours. Pretty good, just that it was abit draggy at some parts but interesting nevertheless. Walked around abit more to get some stuff and went back after that. It was just 5 of us left then. Was nearly 11 when I got back.
Oh, and regarding the title, it's just a random one since my friends were like saying I was so feminine today and stuff like that. Even though I might appear to be quite tomboyish in my behaviour and favourites sometimes, I think most people know that deep down, I'm still a girl at heart. The emotions I feel are not any different. I don't think I even need to clarify things.
Labels: updates
She thanks her Jesus at 12:19 AM
Me, Wei Han and Chuen Hoe
Group's skit
It's been ages since I played the monkey bars!
