Thoughts With No End

Once again, I'm contemplating if I should stop blogging altogether. I would admit that one reason would be that there are only a few who actually [still] follow this blog. The blogging era seems to have ended for many and I occasionally wonder if my time has come. Does the world really need to know what I do, think and feel?

The answer is obvious. Yet there's something, I don't quite know what that draws me back to this place. Yes, perhaps I don't update as often as I used to and I might not ever get back to that stage again. But this place is too close to my heart to simply abandon... Even if it gets to the point where no one reads this, I cannot do it.

I might be just another ordinary person. But I serve an extraordinary God. Therefore, I live to sing His praises, to honor and glorify Him.

This blog has chronicled my journey through all the pain, the joy and the confusion. God has remained to be my refuge and strength. He has been and ever will be faithful to me. Despite my fears and failures, He always picks me up and draws me ever close to Him.

So I shall continue, to let the world know, what He's done for me.

When you have found happiness, you cannot do anything but share it. When you have found love, everything changes. Nothing else matters.

I am in love with the Lover of all. He fills the emptiness in me no one can. Despite my constant longings for companionship, He reminds me that this void, only He can fill. This Love, only He can give... And it is more than enough.

2012

A new year. My resolutions? If I want to come up with a list I surely can. One for example, would be to be less idle, particularly cutting down on my time online. However I have come to realize again that only one thing really matters be it yesterday, today, or tomorrow and forever - my Lord. Therefore all I want, not just this year but every year, every day is Him. To be more like Him

, to know Him, to love Him and to serve Him. That was what I was made to do, what we were made to do. It is strange when we think otherwise. Let us pray that this year would be one of growth and maturity in the Lord. To those who are yet to know Him, I pray you will. For life is so much more meaningful when you realize that the One who gave up His life for you is and was always there, waiting for you to return. This post has turned out quite differently than I imagined it to. I only speak the truth. Let this be Your year o Lord. You're all I need and more.

2011

2011

If there was one word to define the year, it would be transition.

I turned 20, it was a transition from adolescence to adulthood.

There were 3 main chapters to this year which happened to be 3-4 months each.

1. The Final Semester at MCKL (January-May)

It honestly didn’t really feel like the last due to the fact that I only had to be in college 10 hours a week and that there were only 15 of us left in our batch. Although I occasionally felt like there was no point in going to college, I still wanted to finish well. When I got my acceptance and offer letter from Colby-Sawyer, I started being complacent. I guess it didn’t matter if I did that well or not since I had the two A’s to back me up. Ended up doing really well, all glory to God. I’m still amazed by His grace up to this day, I could not have done it without Him. I do not think I deserve it, but that’s what grace is.

But results weren’t the main point. It was the closing of a chapter that had become part of my life, no, it was my life. I had made strong friendships, served in the CF which I believed contributed to my growth, had heartbreaks and joyous times. Still, it was time to leave and surprisingly, I was more than ready when I had to. I’m guessing it’s because during the last semester, I felt like I had my time and I was ready to move on.

2. The Summer Break at Home (May-August)

I know we don’t have a ‘summer’ break back home since we pretty much have summer all year round. That’s what I tell everyone here when they ask me about the weather. But that’s what I’d be referring to from now on. These were the last few months at home. I honestly didn’t do much, sleeping really late and waking up in time for lunch. I was ‘preparing’ for my leaving to the States and although I knew it, the reality only hit me hard a few days before I left.

It was hard, knowing that things would never be the same again. I’d be back during the summer breaks but I would never have those years again.

Leaving my family, friends behind, I felt like Abraham, being called into a foreign land.

And all I could do was to place it all in His hands, “I trust You Lord, I trust You.”

3. The First Semester in the States (September- December)

I landed in a new land which seems like a spiritual desert. Originally uncertain of my coming here and if this is really where I’m supposed to be, He reminded me that this is exactly where He wants me. By His superseding strength, I was able to stay strong in Him and the transition was smoother than I expected. I did not experience a culture shock nor got terribly homesick. I was seeing His promise “I will never leave you nor forsake you” and “I will not leave you comfortless” come true. I am grateful indeed.

He’s provided me great friends, amazing mentors and I’ve found my place serving in CF. Slowly but surely, He is revealing Himself as well as His plans not just while I’m here but for the future as well.

2011, a year of endings and beginnings. A year of joy and pain. A year of faith, hope and love. A year of experiencing God's faithfulness, of seeing the Word come to Life.

Thank You

winter break

So the first semester has ended. I had a few doubts before I came particularly in relation to studies:

1. MATH. The thought of taking a Math class (only need one) was not something I looked forward to. I was never really bad at Math, but I just don't like it.

2. Maintaining a GPA of 3.3 to keep the scholarship which isn't really that high but considering the fact that the academic system here is wholly new and based on consistency, I had no idea what to expect.

Needless to say, my Math class was actually enjoyable and I aced it. My professor made it as practical as possible so all the stuff we learnt (more like revised) were useful and applicable. And as for my GPA, my mid term grades were pretty good and my final ones were even better. They were right when they said I needn't worry. Thank God. Couldn't have pulled through those late nights working on papers if it were not for Him.

Having said that, the semester was great and as much as I'd like to do a reflection on it, I'd save it for next year when my freshman year ends. It'll make more sense then.

I've been at Kathryn's place in Haverhill for a week now. Will be heading to Place of Promise tomorrow. I'm really excited about what awaits me yet a part of me's afraid of this new experience. I really wanted to do something during the winter break and I thought volunteering would be the way to go. It's a time for me to give back and not just relax. After searching for organizations to work with and contacting them, I believe God opened this door for me. It would not have been my first choice considering that the nature of the work is more challenging than if I had worked at places like YWAM or YMCA. And I know His plans are always infinitely better than I what I would want for myself. A living proof is the fact that I am here at CSC and not anywhere else in the States. I had no idea.

Anyway, a highlight of the first week of break so far is going to Boston to meet with the other friends from college. In short, we went to Chinatown, had Dim Sum which was pretty good and surprisingly reasonable. I spoke in Cantonese to the workers there and they actually understood me. Hah. We walked around Boston for a couple of hours. The pictures are all on Facebook but here's a group one:

A picture by the tree at Faneuil Hall at 2.30 p.m

Another one at 5.

Winter started yesterday but it sure doesn't feel like it. It hasn't been snowing and some people are saying this is the warmest winter thus far. Its supposed to be snowing for at least two weeks now. Apparently its coming though. We get snow in October and November but not December, its weird.

That's it for now. Christmas is coming, will post something soon. God bless you all!

close to the end

In short, the semester's over. Well not really, but my classes are.

2 final papers due and 1 exam next week and college will be done for this semester.

Been sleep deprived for the past few days especially on Monday and Tuesday. The result = slept through my alarm to miss my class which I was supposed to present with a friend. Yes it was horrible. Yes I was mad at myself. Yes I was disappointed at my irresponsibility. I usually set two alarms and I thought that I'd still get up even after snoozing the first one. Turns out the other wasn't really turned on.... My friends were telling me I was being too hard on myself, it happens to everyone. Err, maybe not when they're supposed to present? And it was my first time too. Needless to say, I emailed my professor and explained what happened. And because I've been fairly consistent in class, she decided to give me extra work for the second part of this course (in Spring 2013) instead of affecting my grade now. Thank God really.

I got over it after awhile. Learnt a good lesson and I'm not gonna let it happen again. At least this craziness is over.

To go back on all that's happened will be too long so I will not do that.

My winter break plans are kinda set now. Will be going to Kathryn's place in Mass for a week, then spend 2 weeks volunteering at Place of Promise in Mass as well; it's a Christian home for people who want to start a new life so there are all kinds of people there; homeless, sick, ex-drug addicts etc. It will be interesting, will be spending Christmas there too... And after that, I'll be headed to Brooklyn, NY for a week.

Till then!

God bless.

You're my strength, all I need

Thanksgiving was great, had a good break in Maine.

Maybe I have lost my penchant for blogging, still, I'm not going to stop completely.

A crazy week coming up with 4 presentations and 2 papers due. Final exam and papers in 2 weeks. With the amount of workload I have, you'd think I'd be crazy or stressed out. But once again, He strengthens me and gives me the grace to go through it all. Always amazed.

I'm going to be busy though, will be back when I find the time.

Winter break plans are kinda sorted out now, thank God.

Was presented with kinda sad news and it makes me wonder about a lot of things. Whatever it is, everything is in His hands and I can only pray.

Life is short, never forget that.

Let me not drift away from You but grow closer and closer till we meet...

It's always hard to think of what to say when I've been away for some time. Like where do I begin? What do I say?

I guess I'd just give a recap of the past two weeks

20th Birthday on the 1st: What I thought was going to be a quiet birthday turned out to be quite different. It fell on a Tuesday and the night before, at Christian Fellowship, they had a cake for me so we had some sort of celebration then. Thanks to Cindy and Benny for being so thoughtful. Got an email that night from my friendship family, Ed and Sue who invited me for a birthday dinner and said I could bring friends with me.

On that day itself, Ashli, Kathryn, Connor (glad they were able to come along) and I went to Ed and Sue's house in the afternoon and had a good home-cooked meal. I really appreciate the effort Ed and Sue put in, they had birthday banners put up and a cake for me as well. Along with a gift card as well as a balloon thing (really don't know what to call it).


A picture we took a long time ago, one of the nicer ones - the rest were just us with weird and random facial expressions

We came back to campus at 7plus and watched Glee at 8. Toward the end of the show, the friends brought a huge cake out (yet another one). It was a pleasant surprise indeed. I felt compelled to shout 'Best Birthday Ever'. I wasn't really joking I guess.

Overall, it was a great one. Not because of the cakes or anything like that. I guess I was just surprised that there was actually a celebration. Being far away from home isn't too bad after all. I have great friends here and I am extremely grateful for that.


20 years of faithfulness, that's what I thought about. That's what occupied me, thinking of the times He's walked with me and brought me through all the times I was on the verge of giving up. And to think that He's never left me through it all, through all my failings. His grace is just too much for me to comprehend.

Another key event that took place was the Christian Fellowship Retreat that took place on the 3-4 November. It was at this old firehouse that was converted to a very cosy place by this lady, only 7 minutes drive away from campus. It was a pretty free and easy retreat. The speakers were this couple who have their own ministry dealing with conflicts, forgiveness and reconciliation. They've been doing it for years and they were really amazing. The sessions were really practical and useful. The part I did enjoy most, aside from the sessions were the inpromptu worship session we had on the 2nd day though most people were gone by then. I can really go on about it but I don't think that's necessary.

I have two jobs right now, I was kinda worried that I wouldn't be able to get one before I came here and look where I am right now. Thank God for His providence and care.

It's Thanksgiving tomorrow and I'm at Rachel, my roommate's house right now along with XuRong (my other roommate from China). We came down yesterday after our classes and it's been really chill over here. Except for the fact that there're 2 books I have to read, 3 presentations to prepare and 1 paper to write, everything's cool. But still, I won't complain. At least I have the break. And for some reason, I have never been overwhelmed by the tremendous work load (its really crazy sometimes) and I can only attribute it to Him. He sustains me. There really is absolutely nothing to worry about.

Thanksgiving post coming up. The first :)