Reflections on Easter and His Faithfulness

I posted this last Easter. It's really interesting because the commercialism of Easter is even stronger here.

The irony is that being a Christian nation, or rather, a post-Christian nation, Easter, just like Christmas has become a cultural holiday and celebration. But rather than the message of the Cross being the main event, Easter bunnies and Easter eggs and whatnot have become the symbols of the celebration. I have no idea how it happened and this isn't the point of the post. And yes, while some non-Christians do go to church on this day, the real meaning of Easter - His death and resurrection is only known and understood by Christians. I might be wrong but this is once again, just my opinion.

Whereas back home, only Christians celebrate the event and understand its meaning... People from other religions might be ignorant but are always told by the Christians the significance of the day.

But it is most sad when we ourselves do not think about it. When we take it for granted. I don't believe in celebrating His death and resurrection only one day in a year. We need to ponder on it, thank Him for it every single day of our lives. Why?

Because His death and resurrection is the only reason we can truly live.

1 Peter 2:24
He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness; by his wounds you have been healed.

Ephesians 2:4-5
But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions--it is by grace you have been saved.

Who can comprehend the extend of His love and mercy? No matter how hard we try, His love is unfathomable. It goes beyond reason, it goes against the law of nature.

But He does not require us to understanding but to trust. To accept His love and walk on in this new life. That we may say, as He did 'Not my will but Yours be done'. He paid the greatest price - nothing we give to the Lord will make up for that. But that does not mean we do not give. We give because we love Him. We love Him because He first loved us.

That being said, I had a very good Easter celebration. Went down with the gospel choir to a church down at Lowell, the same one where we attended the Worship Conference last fall. It was interesting as they had 7 speakers who had 7 minutes each to speak about Jesus' sayings on the Cross. We were invited to perform a song.

Easter Service on Sunday at the church I've been attending regularly, how I found and decided to go to this church is a miracle in itself - He works. Was invited over by the Pastor's wife to their house for lunch and it was a very blessed time. They had 6 sons and for some reason, despite the many differences in character and family traits, it reminded me of my own. The grandparents were there too, having all generations together to celebrate a very important Day was just great. I think it was the first time I actually celebrated Easter with 'family' because all along in the past, it was just going to Church.

But more than anything, I am realizing how much God has blessed me. How He has been faithful. I came across a post in the past:

"There are many uncertainties; questions about what if I don't maintain the required CGPA to keep my merit scholarship, funding and settling down, finding the right church etc. Whatever they may be, I choose not to allow it to bother me, but that they may lead me back to Him. It's all in His hands. If He led me to it, He will lead me through it. He's a faithful God, no doubt about that."

I posted this on April 28 last year when I made my decision to attend Colby-Sawyer. And whats amazing is that

1) I didn't just maintain the required GPA, I excelled, far beyond my own expectations. And I only have Him to give glory to.

2) I settled down well with His provision and bringing various people to me who have been such a blessing... I could not ask for more.

3) He provided me with not just one but two jobs when I was doubtful of even securing one. And most recently, I was selected out of the many applicants and few positions available, to be a Resident Assistant for next year. Which is what I love to do, being in contact with people and it will ease my family a lot financially. And this is all His doing - not mine.

4) As I mentioned earlier, I've been attending the Andover Congregational Church. I never envisioned myself to attend a church so different in terms of the order of worship and running of the service, from what I was raised up in. Yet the first time I walked in that church, God showed me different signs and confirmed that there was where He wants me to be, at least for now. Because it is never about the denomination nor the practice, it is Him.

I can go on and on.... But the main point is to show that God is indeed faithful and we can trust Him. He knows what we need, when we need it and how we need it...

Thank You Lord, thank You... You are the Giver, You are the Gift - the greatest Gift of all...

Reflections on 1 Corinthians 7

A few days ago, when I was reading the Word, this verse seemed to resonate within me:

1 Corinthians 7:17 - Only let each person lead the life that the Lord has assigned to him, and to which God has called him.

The context of this particular chapter is that of marriage. Paul wrote advice for both the married and unmarried. The verse above is the beginning of another subchapter which goes beyond the married/unmarried but that of circumcision and bondservants. The following subchapter carries advice for the unmarried and widowed.

Thus when Paul talks about the 'assigned' life, we can assume that he was referring to marriage and singleness but it also relates to all other paths of life.

The ESV Student Study Bible's notes on this particular verse are as follows:

"God calls people to himself who are in various situations regarding economics (slavery vs. freedom), family (divorce vs. marriage) and religious background (circumcision vs. uncircumcision) and often God has a purpose for the new believer in that very situation. It is the place to which God has called him."

1 Thessalonians 5:18 - Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.

We tend to despise our situation and station in life, especially when things get hard and we are in pain. We yearn for another life, so to speak and wish that God would lead us somewhere else. But this verse shows that God calls us, God assigns something, some stage to us. We should therefore, not respond in complain or bitterness but in joy and gratefulness. What kind of assigned life do we mean? It can be anything, really. I am a student now, this is my assignment, should I not work to the best of my ability, not wishing to quickly get out of this stage but to embrace all that comes along my way even when it gets tough?

There might be harder assignments to endure, one that is specific to us and sometimes we will never understand why God allows us to stay there. But the knowledge that He knows what He's doing should spur us on.

In every season, there is a purpose. Be it singlehood or marriage, be it poverty or riches. Be it joy or suffering. Be it sickness or health, nothing is in vain.

Ecclesiastes 3:11 - He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end.

Let us then, thank God for our assigned life. For the stage, place He has called us to. Knowing that He is faithful and will ever be.

2 Timothy 2:13 - For if we are faithless, he remains faithful— for he cannot deny himself.

And in Paul's famous words, I shall end this...

'Thanks be to God...'

Changed Perspectives

Before I came here, I prepared myself for the worst. I thought that the lifestyle here would be roughly similar, or at least not too different from what is shown in the media. Sex, alcohol, drugs, profanities - aren't these what most American teenagers do?

So when I came here, I began to observe. I have seen things, I won't say exactly what but it hasn't been as bad as I thought it would be. I happen to have a circle of friends that stay free from all these so I have yet to encounter wasted freaks though I know many who have. I have heard more than witnessed so its still too early to say.

But what really shocked me, that I did not expect was the apathy toward religion here. There are 1200 or so students here and the Christian Fellowship consists of 20 regular members; that's like 2% of the population. It's even worse than in Malaysia, a predominantly Muslim nation and this is supposed to be a Christian nation; how can this be? I know there are certainly more than those who come to CF, but I am convinced it will not even reach half of the population.

I found out sometime ago that New Hampshire is the least religious, least churched state of all States. And at that moment, I asked Him "Why did you send me here? Are You sure I'm at the right place? At a place where people don't care about religion. Where people are cold toward You? Where people are not praying, where people are not going to church; even those who call themselves Christians."

In class, a few of my classes actually, we cover certain literature and some have a lot of Biblical references and I am usually the one to expose them and answer any questions pertaining to that. Some of the Americans do know, even the non-Christians about the most basic stuff but nothing more than that. I think its ironic, that this foreign person would come in and talk about Christianity, a supposedly Western religion as its named. But later on I realized, its not ironic but it is the way it is and this is exactly why I'm here, because God has a mission for me. Do I go and evangelize them all? Of course not. But I know He's called me to take a stand for Him even in the littlest of opportunities that I'm granted and to be a light in the darkness. It is not easy, with so many temptations lurking at every corner. I hear swear words being spoken every single day, I know people who sleep together, I hear about people who sleep around, I see people getting drunk, I know people who take drugs. I am repelled by the lifestyle and honestly, it saddens me. These people need God, they really do.

I feel that there's a huge burden placed on my heart right now for the people here. For the people who don't find the need for God, who don't know God. Even for the Christians who don't really follow Christ. For the Christians who only pray on Sunday and live as if God didn't exist on every other day.

I was talking with Cindy yesterday and she told me something that I felt God was trying to tell me through her. So before I came, I had it in my mind that I was going to come here, go to CF and serve and grow in the Lord. I was going to find a church that I would feel comfortable in, I was going to find a group of strong Christian friends that I can relate to and pray with. I was going to receive spiritual food.

But He said: "I've given you so much, you have been feasting. Now you go and feed."

It couldn't be clearer. Am I in the wrong place? This spiritually dead, town, region where Wealth and Intellect are the gods. A people that are resistant and doubtful about God. I know its not a mistake.

I came here to get an education, a degree, yes. But I came here for a far greater purpose - to do His work.

Life would not be meaningful if we were to live it for ourselves, if we were to seek pleasure and chase after our own dreams. It is only when we live for Him that we find meaning.

I wish to continually say what Jesus himself said that:

John 4:34 - "My nourishment comes from doing the will of God, who sent me, and from finishing his work."

I still fail now and then, but He picks me up. I am not perfect and never will be, but His grace gives me the power and strength to do what He wills.

To God be the glory.

feelings

Feelings - they can never be trusted.
I've gone through the cycle again and again
And it all ends up the same.
Gone as if it were never there.
In fact, as I look back at most
I can only ask myself why it started
Yet not understand.

I'm here once again
And it's been awhile at that -
That I've been free from any attachments
Free from the feelings
Sometimes there's pleasure tied to it
When you think of the person ever so frequently
You wonder what he's doing
And if he ever thinks of you
Yet at the end of the day
You only sigh to know
That everything is just in your head
It will never be a reality
The truth certainly hurts.

I want to remind myself of these worthless infatuations
Because when I enter this phase again,
The same illusion begins.
It will seem so important yet turn into
Nothing at the end of the day
How do I tell what's real from what's not?
How do I stop the feelings when it comes so fast?
The answer is not to stop
But not to let it rule
The heart will want to follow
But we are all left with a choice.
The best thing we all can do
Is to submit our feelings
No they won't go away
But He'll take care of it, He will.

When I'm at it again, I'll remember
How it'll all come to nothing once again.
Even if it were to grow into something more,
I'll let Him guide me.
And I'll see what I've never seen before.
Something so beautiful only He can conjure.

what might be

I want to expound on what I said at the end of the previous post.

Warning: The following might be sensitive in pertaining to religious beliefs. Everything I write is my own thoughts and I do not intend to offend anyone.

It scares me to be honest, to wonder what will become of me as a person in 4 years time. Its a cause for concern to think that my faith might be challenged to the point where I might not be sure of what I believe in or be shaken that I might leave it for good. I dare not imagine it and I pray for His mercy.

All along, He's been with me and I know He will continue to be with me. But I'm now opening myself up to the possibilities of my faith being openly challenged.

I know I might not have the answers that would please those who enquire why I believe in the first place. All I know is that I know He is true, the how and why I cannot prove but one does not need to see in order to believe despite the notion that seeing is believing.

For me, 'Believing is Seeing'. And not seeing with one's eyes but one's heart knowing the truth.

As Paul writes in 2 Corinthians 4:3-6 - And even if our gospel is veiled, it is veiled to those who are perishing. The god of this age has blinded the minds of unbelievers, so that they cannot see the light of the gospel of the glory of Christ, who is the image of God. For we do not preach ourselves, but Jesus Christ as Lord, and ourselves as your servants for Jesus’ sake. For God, who said, “Let light shine out of darkness,” made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Christ.

Somehow this post turned out totally different from what I had envisioned it to be; what I had intended to write... But perhaps this is what the Spirit is guiding me to do.

Months ago, I came across a passage of Scripture when I was afraid of possibly giving in to the temptations of this world when I enter a very different place. Who can tell?

But He encouraged me through this:

Psalm 119:9 - How can a young man keep his way pure? By living according to Your word.

That is what I long to do. And I know only He can empower me to do it.

In You I place my trust.

let go, let god

Have you ever heard people say that they can't let go?

Have you ever had your friend tell you he can't let go?

Have you ever said you can't let go?

I know I have.

I'm beginning to believe that it isn't a case of us being unable to let go of someone or something that's important to us. Rather it's more of us not wanting to (despite our constant denial).

However, this stubborness isn't unwarranted. It's probably due to the deep impression the person or the event (or whatever else it may be) left on us that makes us feel that we simply can't let go. And more often than not, there is also the fear of letting go. We just don't know what's to come.

But there is an answer to it all; Him.

Hah.. I can hear some of you say... How can it be? How can you (as in me) be so simplistic; so naive.

Naive or not, I know that He is the answer to this. Perhaps to all our other problems as well. With our own strength, we might as well not try since we're doomed to fail; we'd probably be even more discouraged than when we started. But He has promised to guide us through and asked us to cast our cares on Him.

By letting go, He's asking us to let God. In other words, by giving Him the things or people we so tightly hold on to, He grants us peace instead. Grace, mercy and love. A larger capacity to forgive. The first step is to ask; is to come to Him.

I know it to be true; I myself struggled and it was only when I realized how simple it was - all I needed to do was to look to Him and trust that He would do it for me as long as I was willing to give it to Him. Simple but not easy. We must be aware of the difference or we will be fooled in thinking that it requires no effort on our part.

But God plays a much bigger role here and that we need to understand.

If only we could see, if only we could know....

The Lord declares:
"As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts."

He promised:
"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."

"With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible."

In a way, we were right saying we can't let go; not without Him we can.

Take heart. So many have gone before and so many can testify of His great love and grace. He is faithful and if you would only let go and let Him take it for you... It's hard to explain the joy that comes from resting in His abundant love.

Psalm 34:8 - Taste and see that the LORD is good; blessed is the man who takes refuge in him.

God bless. :)

never despise our brokenness

I often enjoy reminiscing the past. Especially times where I felt completely helpless, hopeless and worthless. Because those were the times He lifted me up.

It's really true that only when one goes through the valley that he experiences the presence of God most tangibly. God becomes so close that one can scarcely imagine. But the feeling is incomprehensible.

It is when the reality of this verse is experienced:
Psalm 34:18 - The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

He is the Lifter of our heads.

Troubled? Look to Him.

Worried? Trust Him.

Lonely? Talk to Him.

If its in the valley that we see Him for all He is; then let us walk through it without fear but confidence that He will see us through.

Just some thoughts. :)

purpose

Just two posts ago, I said that I've been blogging pretty inconsistently due to the lack of anything interesting/blog-worthy. I was wrong; there are plenty.

Of His goodness in my life; I have plenty of testimonies and stories to share.

Of what He's been speaking and teaching me; I cannot count.

Of His mercy and grace; I am continually amazed.

I don't care if this blog will be labelled 'radical' or too 'Christian' or boring.

I just know I need to share, more so than I've ever done.

He completes me. He fills me. He rules me.

I've got to break out and leave myself.

I remember an author saying that Vanity is the greatest enemy; indeed.

I'm coming back to my calling; You.

God is God

God is God and I am man
I can only see a part of the picture He's painting.

Jan Silvious, an author wrote 'I believe learning to content yourself begins with the acknowledgement that God is God are you are not.'

I couldn't agree more.

Isaiah 45:5,7 - I am the Lord. There is no other God; I am the only God. I made the light and the darkness. I bring peace, and I cause troubles. I, the Lord, do all these things.

Understanding His sovereignty sheds light on our humanity, helping us to realize we are His subjects.

Most of us know the story of Job and how he undeservedly went through all the suffering although he was 'blameless'. Why would God allow a righteous man to endure such pain in life? Job never got an answer; nor do we know it.

However, after much lament, (30+ chapters), God finally spoke and in 4 wonderful chapters, (Job 38-41); reminded Job of His sovereignty, supremity and power which left Job speechless and his only reply was:

Job 42:2-3 - “I know that you can do all things; no plan of yours can be thwarted. [You asked,] ‘Who is this that obscures my counsel without knowledge?’ Surely I spoke of things I did not understand, things too wonderful for me to know.

Which leaves me wondering... Who are we to question? The moment something goes wrong in our lives, we quickly ask God why. When we see someone else doing better than us, we often wonder if God knows we deserve that more than the other.... So many times we argue, we question, we complain and very often, are left worse than before we ever asked.

But when we begin to comprehend who God is, things begin to change. We find ourselves content although we don't understand a lot of things. Questions and things that use to confound us no longer effect how we see God. In fact, we are brought even closer to Him for the very reason that He is God and we are not.. Do you see what I see?

And so, with this truth, let us not now worry about this and that. But realize how BIG, how GREAT God is. He's immeasurable, He's immense.

Oh how silly we can be when we question. Even with the answers, we are often discontent. If God wants to reveal them to us, so be it. If not, let us just be glad that He is the God of the universe. If He could oversee EVERYTHING, how could He not know whats going on in our lives.

We will never understand everything. We will never comprehend Him fully. But one thing is enough; He is God, not me, not you, not anyone in this world.

It's time we rightfully give back what belongs to Him:- ourselves

this love, his love

Just like Christmas, the yearly celebration of Easter has become so commercialized (though not as bad as Christmas since only Christians celebrate Easter unlike Christmas where everyone 'celebrates'.)

Only few actually reflect on its true meaning and think of the implications and act on it. I was close to being of the 'many'. It's really not hard, since we hear the message again and again. Who doesn't know it by heart? Jesus died on the Cross for our sins, He bore it all, that we might be reconciled to God, that we might have eternal life.

Stop there.

His death and resurrection has been described as the 'greatest event in all history of mankind'. Certainly it has.

Isaiah 53:4-5 - Surely he took up our infirmities and carried our sorrows, yet we considered him stricken by God, smitten by him, and afflicted. But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon him, and by his wounds we are healed. We all, like sheep, have gone astray, each of us has turned to his own way; and the Lord has laid on him the iniquity of us all.

My friend, do you know what it means?

Our minds would understand the fact that He died for us, for our sins.

What does that mean?

Today, I was reminded once again, and I haven't felt it for a very long time, what it meant for Him to die for me. For Him to take on my sin. And not just that, but to pay the price, and no longer have me condemned for it.

Because I have taken Him for granted time and again. And every time I drift away, even for just a moment, He waits for me with longing in His eyes and love in His heart and the moment I return to Him, He does not ask me 'Where have you been?'. Instead, He embraces me and say 'My daughter, I love you.'

He gave up EVERYTHING for me, how can I hold anything back?

When we realize how much we have wronged Him, we are in awe of His giving up of His life for us. His love for us.

It doesn't matter what you've done, whether or not you've been far away, whether or not you have ever known Him, whether or not you have rejected Him. He is there, waiting.

He loves you.

For me, that's all that matters.

I hope its the same for you too.

1 John 4:10 - This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.

of dreams and plans

It's the #300th post. Not that the number bears any significance, but it seems alot, at least it is to me.

Anyway, as in my previous post, I've mentioned how I've been wait-listed and accepted, now I'm also rejected.

I applied to 9 colleges in the States, I know its a bit too much, but I was thinking more of more places, more chances of getting accepted, even if its only one.

I'm also applying to NTU in Sg. As of now, I'm really not sure where I'll be going. But it's not a question of where I want to go, but where He wants to. That was always the case. I knew that my dreams are pointless, if they're not aligned with the plans He has for me.

"We can make our plans, but the Lord determines our steps." Proverbs 16:9

It's not easy, to give up our desires and dreams, but if we will remember who this God is, it won't be such a struggle. A good God only wants the best for His people, a Father would only give the best. I trust Him.

About the place I got accepted to, I'm grateful that I got in, and thank God because the scholarship/aid they gave is pretty good though it would still be a bit costly to go there. My mum told me not to set my heart too hard on going there, because I'd be disappointed if it doesn't work out. She's right, and I'm continuing to keep myself in check. I don't want to make the wrong decision only to regret. Well, I'm still yet to hear from the rest of the places to make my decision just yet.

I'm still waiting on Him, and I know He will lead me as I seek Him. My indecisiveness on a major might be worrying for some, but I don't see a problem.

My purpose in life? My ambition? My dream?

To see His will be done in my life. It's not easy, to live what I say, but it's not impossible.

There's nothing greater than living a life set and ready to do His will..

Our obedience should not be a compulsion but out of our love for Him.

God bless you all. :)

through it all

I'll sing to You Lord, a hymn of love, for Your faithfulness to me.
I'm carried in everlasting arms, You'll never let me go through it all.

5 years ago (and the years before), I was naive and not knowing much; was so carefree.

4 years ago, I fell in grew to love. And it was a journey downhill. To a place of pain; one I never came across before. I couldn't understand.

3 years ago, I lost the one who meant most to me. And he never came back (not in a way I had hoped it to be). But at the same time, I learned to see and appreciate the One who was always there for me.

2 years ago, by His grace and miraculous power, the healing process begun. I finally let go.

1 year ago, I began to understand and see why He allowed me to walk through the valley back then. And I can't imagine it any other way.

Now I'm here. Completely speechless at how He's carried me through. I said I couldn't, He said He could. Yes I lost him, things never were the same again. But I gained something much more instead. I would never be here if those days never came to pass. All the tears were worth it. I look at him now and smile; knowing that He was always right. He loves me, wants the best for me. I found joy when I allowed Him to take control.

Would you?

Psalm 145:18 - The LORD is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth.

There is no pain without purpose. Look to Him.

too busy to pray?

Ever been too busy to pray?

Found yourself rushing through devotions before exams; when there's a pile of homework waiting, you just mutter a short prayer, maybe read a chapter or two and sleep cause you're already tired?

Do everything else, leave the last of the time you have for Him, realized you're too tired and tell God; "I'm sorry Lord, but I'll be back tomorrow, I'm too tired right now - surely You understand?"

Surely He does. 

I've been guilty of this at some points of my life; maybe for the most part too. And I'm sure most of you fellow Christians know what I'm talking about. 

The question is; should we go about this?

We know the answer is no, but there's just so much to do, right? How does one ever find the time?

Just this past week, before the SAT exam, I was 'busy'.. Not exactly studying, maybe a little, I was just busy. I did my devotions but I rushed through them, leaving it for the last. I thought it'd be okay.

On Saturday night, as I was doing my devotion, I suddenly felt so far from Him - I felt as if I've lost the fellowship with Him. I felt sad to know that the more time I spent apart from Him, the bigger the gap was between us. I knew He was there, but I couldn't feel it. It scared me... And then I realized that our busyness and preoccupations can make us blind to our spiritual condition. We no longer realize that we are empty, we have no joy simply because we do not spend time fellowshipping with Him. 

No activity can replace our need to dwell in His presence, not even church activities. We cannot grow if there is no sacrifice on our part. And part of this sacrifice involves our time. 

We profess that we love Him week in and week out, yet never really giving Him the time He deserves? It's not that we have to be praying every moment. There isn't even a specific length of time or formula that makes up for our devotion. But simply being conscious of Him each and every moment. And finding our fulfillment, strength just being with Him and not just muttering a prayer or two. Not rushing through devotion so we can spend time doing anything else... For He looks at the heart. 

Any time we find ourselves too busy for Him - it's when we really need to stop and ask ourselves what we're doing... 

He created us, for His pleasure. He gave us all, He deserves our all. 

And to end the story, He reminded me once again, of His never ending grace; He will always take us back no matter what. Isn't it just beautiful?

James 4:8 - Come close to God and God will come close to You.

Lamentations 3: 22 - 25 - The LORD’S lovingkindnesses indeed never cease, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; Great is Your faithfulness. “The LORD is my portion,” says my soul, “Therefore I have hope in Him.” The LORD is good to those who wait for Him, To the person who seeks Him. 

 

testimony of grace

I just had to share this. God is so REAL.

This morning when I was going out of the house (condo) to go to college, I was gonna wear my sport shoes on and then I realized - it was gone... I always put it beside the cupboard. So I texted Joyce, who I'm staying with and asked if she saw it; she said she saw it last night; we assumed it was stolen... There could be no other reason for the shoes to be gone. It's within reach from the grill door. But who would want to steal shoes??? Oh well. 

I didn't really feel angry anything (what for..); just sad that I have to burden my parents to get me another pair; so I prayed that by some way the shoes would be returned but I didn't have high hopes on it... 

When I came back just now; the shoes weren't there of course... But before I went inside, I had a prompting to check the fire exit... I ignored it at first but then I thought; what if its the Spirit? At the same time I was doubting that anything will happen... I still went and true enough my shoes were there... I was really, really amazed and grateful.. God You amuse me... 

Isn't it amazing how He works? How He speaks? It's through these little things that proves His very existence, His love and grace... I did think of it; even if I didn't find my shoes; I have no reason to complain. For every trouble/problem is an opportunity to experience His grace, to trust in Him.. To hold on to Him. To forgive, to exercise patience; the list will go on and on...

It's a good day.. Thank You Lord... :)

Your love takes my breath away.

I've found a new joy in His presence, new joy in being with Him everyday. No wonder I've been so empty; I haven't been coming to Him enough. There's been so many distractions in my life; so many unnecessary things.. Trying to cut down on my time online; I'm limiting myself now... It's not exactly a really hard thing to do to be honest... I just realized how much time I've wasted; guilty...

I am really tired right now; physically.. The past weeks have been tiring (particularly last week) and this week is packed with long college hours and practices; it's a joy though... Assignments piling up, coursework left unattended; applications not started on, trials coming up... the list will go on. Yet I'm not moved; I'm not afraid. For He is with me, He is my strength and He will never fail.

Just a few insights;

1. The knowledge and a deeper understanding of His love will change us if we open up our hearts... It is impossible not to be changed when we realize how much He's given to us...

2. Living a life apart from Him is meaningless; worldly pursuits fade in time. (more on this later)

3. Everything will fade away; He alone shall remain.. That in itself is such an amazing thing.. 

4. Rest is not something He gives; it is in Him we find rest; not a thing to be taken apart. 

5. Being still requires us to just be quiet; not to ask Him anything; not to utter anything; but just waiting upon Him.

6. The closer we get to Him; the more we grow in our relationship with Him; the lesser our desire will be for the things of the world... 

Indeed, You are all I need in this life. 

his love

Ephesians 3:18-19 - And may you have the power to understand, as all God's people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep, his love is. May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God.

Just last Monday, I was in the train back to KL in the morning. And when I closed my eyes, I suddenly saw a mental picture; it was a picture of a cup and a HUGE container. I couldn't see how big the container was, but it seemed to have no end to its size. I began to think what it could possibly mean and as I continued to ponder, I felt the Lord was reminding me of His love.

The cup represents our lives and the container represents all that is of Him; His love. Every day, we must come to Him with our cup that can only contain small portions. The container has no limit in size, just like how His love is.. He wants to fill our cups daily, with the knowledge and experience of His love. And as we faithfully come to Him with our cup, He will fill it more and more each day. But it doesn't stop here, we should not be content with just being 'full' but for our cup to overflow continually. David said "my cup overflows, surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life"Indeed, it is when our cup overflows that His love will begin to permeate each and every area of our lives, and eventually, His love will be too much to contain that we begin to "overflow" into the lives of those around us. 

Can there be anything greater than knowing how much He loves you? 

You can search the whole world and you will never find greater love than this.

Yet aren't we always guilty of searching for other loves? I myself would admit that I often forget that it is in His love I am made complete - He is more than enough for me.

The knowledge and understanding of His love transforms us - as we open up our hearts... Never be content, never be satisfied... 

Indeed, His love knows no bounds.

he healeth me

Two days ago, I was just thinking and talking to Him and I realized that He's been more than faithful.

Numerous times I cried out to Him - telling Him that I feel so weak and powerless; that I feel broken and empty and that I'm not sure if I can go on... And like Paul; 

I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. (2 Corinthians 12: 8-10)

Psalm 30:2 - O Lord my God, I cried out to You and You healed me.

And when I looked back the other day, I realized how He's healed those wounds. Those things I couldn't let go, I have done so now, through His mercy and grace. It's happened so much faster than I expected. Perhaps He is preparing me for much harder times, I know it will be painful but I am ready... I want to be ready when the time comes...

There is nothing He cannot do. Those times you feel as if you can't go on, redirect your focus back to Him, look at the Cross.. He bore it for you; will he not then carry you through? 

I have found the greatest comfort of all, and no one can take it away from me.

This love I have found - completes me.

Can we find a friend so faithful
who will all our sorrows share?
Jesus knows our every weakness;
take it to the Lord in prayer.

BGR

CF was on BGR today; I honestly think it was a good session, not just because it was a touchy, interesting and relevant topic but because I remembered alot of things that I've been challenged to do these past years; and that is to trust Him for He knows best.

All of us dream of having a love story; especially for us girls; it's not really something we're ashamed of... We all love fairy tales at some point of time, and we wonder if we will ever have that 'happy ending'. Don't talk about Prince Charming, he doesn't exist, never will. Of course Jesus is our true Prince, no human will ever come close..

The message was really interesting today; and I won't really say what he talked about.. I'd say the message was simple; for me, there wasn't anything really new, but it was freshly approached so it was new in that sense... For me it was as if God was reminding me about what I've learnt over the past years through experiences and reading books about these kind of stuff.... And ultimately through His word.

I think I take a very radical stand when it comes to relationships that many people, sadly to say even Christians might laugh at and say I'm being too rigid. God willing, I only want one relationship in my life; and that someday that would be the person I would spend the rest of my life with. I don't want to waste my emotions away, not anymore.

I guess most of you who know me would know I've never been involved in a relationship and I guess I'm proud of that. But that doesn't mean I was spared from pain. Some of you would know what I went through during what I would call the toughest moments of my life and know how hard it was for me then. I pulled through because of Him. 

If you like someone and that person likes you, it doesn't give you any reason to jump into a relationship. Prayer, seeking advice from others is so vital. What people don't see is that a relationship consumes you. It demands time, attention, care, love and so much more. I don't know how people can take these things so lightly. If something goes wrong, you'll have a broken heart. I didn't even need to be in one to experience that; what more if I actually went into any?

So please, before anything starts, think twice. Ask yourself if you're ready. Most of all, ask yourself if you're satisfied in Him.. Cause if you aren't, how can you ever be satisfied with another? Our strength, hope comes from Him and Him alone. 

This is just so true. :)

I don't know what He has for me, what will happen in the future; I have no clue... But there is one thing I know... That I have to continue to grow in Him; to pursue Him and His righteousness. I must find myself in Him before anything else.... After all, He is my reason for living. This world will fail, men will fail too; but His love remains. 

trust in you

"Why is it that the nearer it is to exams, I get

lazier and lazier to do what I should be doing,

more unmotivated to even pick up a book

less worried about the consequences of my laziness

less fearful about the outcome

The thing is, I know what I should be doing, but I'm not doing it. After this weekend, I have to REALLY get down to it. Or else, it's OVER. Not really. LOL. But somewhat close. GAHHH."

The above was a post I wrote back in 2008 in my Xanga
Previous blog for those who don't know.. Wrote it 2 weeks before SPM cause that was exactly how I felt...

Looks like I'm feeling the same again. Except for the fact that now, the weekend is here. Nervous much? I don't know. I'm not prepared. But what can I do now. I've said it before and I'll say it again. His grace is all I rely on. His strength, His mercy. Only He can help me now. I guess there's nothing much else I can do except give my best shot.

I've learned that worry is a sign of lack of trust. Cause if you fully trust someone, there should be no doubt, no fear. No matter what the circumstance, He is bigger. That truth alone should guide us through to battle our worries and replace it with His peace that is already there for us to claim. 

What is this in the light of You?

And I know I can trust You at all times. Cause the one who is higher stands by my side. :)

of divinity and humanity

God is God and I am man.
So I'll never understand it all
Only God is God.

Religious Studies was really interesting today. Our lecturer told us that today's lesson was gonna be slightly tougher compared to what we've covered in previous classes. 3 hours of class today; we discussed and learned about the early church and their views of the person of Christ. Christology is as it states, the study of Christ. And in this case, what people saw Jesus as.

So this is a brief summary of what we went through in class as well as my own opinions. There isn't any right or wrong views for this; though we might take sides.

Ebionitism - A Jewish sect that believes JC is just an ordinary human. That's surely not what we believe.

Docetism (from the Greek δοκέω [dokeō], "to seem") is a belief that JC was totally divine but appeared as a human. We don't believe that either do we..

I'll skip out some parts as it will be confusing if I just post brief descriptions; it's really interesting though; can ask me if you wanna know more..

Then there's:

Arianism, the theological teaching of Arius where he states that the Father existed before the Son. Meaning to say, the Son was somehow believed to be a creature or created being; made by the Father. But is that really true?

He came up with another belief to do with the unknowability of God; the Son cannot know the Father; 'one who has a beginning is in no position to know the one who has no beginning'

I do agree with the quote; but only applying it to us humans and not Jesus. I'm far from agreeing with what Arianism stands for.. Moving on

Athanasius had interesting views: A creature is merely a creature and only God can save a creature, not another creature. Since we worship JC as God and not as a creature, it means He is indeed God.

Only God can save; Jesus saves and therefore, Jesus is God.

There're other schools of thought too but this will do.

So what was Jesus really? Was he just human, or completely God but in humanly form. Or was he half of both? Or was he 100% God and 100% man. I believed this; and still do.. But then I was asked; if He was fully man, why didn't he sin? Men, no matter how good, have the tendency to sin. But it's written in Hebrews that He was blameless... Fully man? Think about it.

And come to think of it; it's quite impossible to imagine that anything can be of two natures yet be one.

Ponder on this: God became human in order that humanity might become divine.

As we debated, it got abit frustrating cause there were always questions to something we say. It's just so hard coming to a conclusion. And I was saying how it seems like the more we know, the more doubts we are bound to have. We need childlike faith. And the conclusion made was that; as much as there's so much to debate about this issue; since the early church days till right now; people still have different opinions on who Jesus really is.

But the question is; do we really have to know? With our human minds that are so limited in its understanding; how can we ever comprehend all that is of Him? All that is of something divine; when we are mere humans... Many things in life we won't understand, but we just need to keep having faith and trusting that it will all be revealed to us someday. And till that day comes; we'll never ever doubt His deity. I believe, Jesus was 100% human when he walked this earth and yet was 100% God.

He is my God, my Saviour. He came to save us. And that's all we need to know. :)

Interesting much? Feel free to comment.

'Cause I know my God saved the day
And I know His word never fails
And I know my God made a way for me
Salvation is here