You

For all these years, You've been here for me.

And You will always be here.

There are not enough words I can say.

Except that I love You.

For all You've done.

For who You are.

Thank You, Thank You.

My Valentine.

Love that will never leave.

to the heart

O restless heart,
Fret not.
It gets better in time, I know, I've been there.

What it takes now is for you to trust-
Trust that He knows what's going on
And everything will work out in His time and way.

Your desires - He comprehend.
His Love compels Him to grant your desires
But not if it isn't what He placed in you Himself.

So come on now,
Take a leap of faith.
You won't regret it.
He will come to the rescue, He will.

Reflections on Easter and His Faithfulness

I posted this last Easter. It's really interesting because the commercialism of Easter is even stronger here.

The irony is that being a Christian nation, or rather, a post-Christian nation, Easter, just like Christmas has become a cultural holiday and celebration. But rather than the message of the Cross being the main event, Easter bunnies and Easter eggs and whatnot have become the symbols of the celebration. I have no idea how it happened and this isn't the point of the post. And yes, while some non-Christians do go to church on this day, the real meaning of Easter - His death and resurrection is only known and understood by Christians. I might be wrong but this is once again, just my opinion.

Whereas back home, only Christians celebrate the event and understand its meaning... People from other religions might be ignorant but are always told by the Christians the significance of the day.

But it is most sad when we ourselves do not think about it. When we take it for granted. I don't believe in celebrating His death and resurrection only one day in a year. We need to ponder on it, thank Him for it every single day of our lives. Why?

Because His death and resurrection is the only reason we can truly live.

1 Peter 2:24
He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness; by his wounds you have been healed.

Ephesians 2:4-5
But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions--it is by grace you have been saved.

Who can comprehend the extend of His love and mercy? No matter how hard we try, His love is unfathomable. It goes beyond reason, it goes against the law of nature.

But He does not require us to understanding but to trust. To accept His love and walk on in this new life. That we may say, as He did 'Not my will but Yours be done'. He paid the greatest price - nothing we give to the Lord will make up for that. But that does not mean we do not give. We give because we love Him. We love Him because He first loved us.

That being said, I had a very good Easter celebration. Went down with the gospel choir to a church down at Lowell, the same one where we attended the Worship Conference last fall. It was interesting as they had 7 speakers who had 7 minutes each to speak about Jesus' sayings on the Cross. We were invited to perform a song.

Easter Service on Sunday at the church I've been attending regularly, how I found and decided to go to this church is a miracle in itself - He works. Was invited over by the Pastor's wife to their house for lunch and it was a very blessed time. They had 6 sons and for some reason, despite the many differences in character and family traits, it reminded me of my own. The grandparents were there too, having all generations together to celebrate a very important Day was just great. I think it was the first time I actually celebrated Easter with 'family' because all along in the past, it was just going to Church.

But more than anything, I am realizing how much God has blessed me. How He has been faithful. I came across a post in the past:

"There are many uncertainties; questions about what if I don't maintain the required CGPA to keep my merit scholarship, funding and settling down, finding the right church etc. Whatever they may be, I choose not to allow it to bother me, but that they may lead me back to Him. It's all in His hands. If He led me to it, He will lead me through it. He's a faithful God, no doubt about that."

I posted this on April 28 last year when I made my decision to attend Colby-Sawyer. And whats amazing is that

1) I didn't just maintain the required GPA, I excelled, far beyond my own expectations. And I only have Him to give glory to.

2) I settled down well with His provision and bringing various people to me who have been such a blessing... I could not ask for more.

3) He provided me with not just one but two jobs when I was doubtful of even securing one. And most recently, I was selected out of the many applicants and few positions available, to be a Resident Assistant for next year. Which is what I love to do, being in contact with people and it will ease my family a lot financially. And this is all His doing - not mine.

4) As I mentioned earlier, I've been attending the Andover Congregational Church. I never envisioned myself to attend a church so different in terms of the order of worship and running of the service, from what I was raised up in. Yet the first time I walked in that church, God showed me different signs and confirmed that there was where He wants me to be, at least for now. Because it is never about the denomination nor the practice, it is Him.

I can go on and on.... But the main point is to show that God is indeed faithful and we can trust Him. He knows what we need, when we need it and how we need it...

Thank You Lord, thank You... You are the Giver, You are the Gift - the greatest Gift of all...

Back Again

Spring Break officially starts tomorrow but I left college today cause my class ended at 11. Beth (the director of the Place of Promise) came to pick me up at 1..

I'm here now, extremely excited to be here... Just a few hours in and I am loving it already.... It was so great to see everyone here again and I'm just anticipating what God wishes to do through me here... And also in the lives of these people. Lots of things happened (some rather drastic) since I left two months ago but its all good now... At least He knows whats really going on...

Just being here, watching God work in people's lives is a blessing. It's painful sometimes to listen to these people when they talk about their pain and helplessness.. At that moment you just wish you could help but there is really nothing you can do.. And I start to think, Lord, why? Why do these people have to have it so hard? But God is still God, He knows...

I heard a resident pray out loud during group today and I started tearing up. She was new when I came in the last time and she was not really interested in this whole God thing... But now she's stepped up to pray... What could be more beautiful?

The atmosphere is still rather unsettled sometimes, and only God's love can truly change this place. But I cannot deny the reality of His presence when I look at these people and see work in progress.... I look at myself and I see the same thing, we are all broken people who are in need for God whether we have had a history with drugs or alcohol or whatever it may be... We are all in need of His grace and mercy, we cannot go about on our own. I don't ever want to...

Grateful, just grateful. And I love Him more.

Thoughts With No End

Once again, I'm contemplating if I should stop blogging altogether. I would admit that one reason would be that there are only a few who actually [still] follow this blog. The blogging era seems to have ended for many and I occasionally wonder if my time has come. Does the world really need to know what I do, think and feel?

The answer is obvious. Yet there's something, I don't quite know what that draws me back to this place. Yes, perhaps I don't update as often as I used to and I might not ever get back to that stage again. But this place is too close to my heart to simply abandon... Even if it gets to the point where no one reads this, I cannot do it.

I might be just another ordinary person. But I serve an extraordinary God. Therefore, I live to sing His praises, to honor and glorify Him.

This blog has chronicled my journey through all the pain, the joy and the confusion. God has remained to be my refuge and strength. He has been and ever will be faithful to me. Despite my fears and failures, He always picks me up and draws me ever close to Him.

So I shall continue, to let the world know, what He's done for me.

When you have found happiness, you cannot do anything but share it. When you have found love, everything changes. Nothing else matters.

I am in love with the Lover of all. He fills the emptiness in me no one can. Despite my constant longings for companionship, He reminds me that this void, only He can fill. This Love, only He can give... And it is more than enough.

this love, his love

Just like Christmas, the yearly celebration of Easter has become so commercialized (though not as bad as Christmas since only Christians celebrate Easter unlike Christmas where everyone 'celebrates'.)

Only few actually reflect on its true meaning and think of the implications and act on it. I was close to being of the 'many'. It's really not hard, since we hear the message again and again. Who doesn't know it by heart? Jesus died on the Cross for our sins, He bore it all, that we might be reconciled to God, that we might have eternal life.

Stop there.

His death and resurrection has been described as the 'greatest event in all history of mankind'. Certainly it has.

Isaiah 53:4-5 - Surely he took up our infirmities and carried our sorrows, yet we considered him stricken by God, smitten by him, and afflicted. But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon him, and by his wounds we are healed. We all, like sheep, have gone astray, each of us has turned to his own way; and the Lord has laid on him the iniquity of us all.

My friend, do you know what it means?

Our minds would understand the fact that He died for us, for our sins.

What does that mean?

Today, I was reminded once again, and I haven't felt it for a very long time, what it meant for Him to die for me. For Him to take on my sin. And not just that, but to pay the price, and no longer have me condemned for it.

Because I have taken Him for granted time and again. And every time I drift away, even for just a moment, He waits for me with longing in His eyes and love in His heart and the moment I return to Him, He does not ask me 'Where have you been?'. Instead, He embraces me and say 'My daughter, I love you.'

He gave up EVERYTHING for me, how can I hold anything back?

When we realize how much we have wronged Him, we are in awe of His giving up of His life for us. His love for us.

It doesn't matter what you've done, whether or not you've been far away, whether or not you have ever known Him, whether or not you have rejected Him. He is there, waiting.

He loves you.

For me, that's all that matters.

I hope its the same for you too.

1 John 4:10 - This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.

through it all

I'll sing to You Lord, a hymn of love, for Your faithfulness to me.
I'm carried in everlasting arms, You'll never let me go through it all.

5 years ago (and the years before), I was naive and not knowing much; was so carefree.

4 years ago, I fell in grew to love. And it was a journey downhill. To a place of pain; one I never came across before. I couldn't understand.

3 years ago, I lost the one who meant most to me. And he never came back (not in a way I had hoped it to be). But at the same time, I learned to see and appreciate the One who was always there for me.

2 years ago, by His grace and miraculous power, the healing process begun. I finally let go.

1 year ago, I began to understand and see why He allowed me to walk through the valley back then. And I can't imagine it any other way.

Now I'm here. Completely speechless at how He's carried me through. I said I couldn't, He said He could. Yes I lost him, things never were the same again. But I gained something much more instead. I would never be here if those days never came to pass. All the tears were worth it. I look at him now and smile; knowing that He was always right. He loves me, wants the best for me. I found joy when I allowed Him to take control.

Would you?

Psalm 145:18 - The LORD is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth.

There is no pain without purpose. Look to Him.

his love

Ephesians 3:18-19 - And may you have the power to understand, as all God's people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep, his love is. May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God.

Just last Monday, I was in the train back to KL in the morning. And when I closed my eyes, I suddenly saw a mental picture; it was a picture of a cup and a HUGE container. I couldn't see how big the container was, but it seemed to have no end to its size. I began to think what it could possibly mean and as I continued to ponder, I felt the Lord was reminding me of His love.

The cup represents our lives and the container represents all that is of Him; His love. Every day, we must come to Him with our cup that can only contain small portions. The container has no limit in size, just like how His love is.. He wants to fill our cups daily, with the knowledge and experience of His love. And as we faithfully come to Him with our cup, He will fill it more and more each day. But it doesn't stop here, we should not be content with just being 'full' but for our cup to overflow continually. David said "my cup overflows, surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life"Indeed, it is when our cup overflows that His love will begin to permeate each and every area of our lives, and eventually, His love will be too much to contain that we begin to "overflow" into the lives of those around us. 

Can there be anything greater than knowing how much He loves you? 

You can search the whole world and you will never find greater love than this.

Yet aren't we always guilty of searching for other loves? I myself would admit that I often forget that it is in His love I am made complete - He is more than enough for me.

The knowledge and understanding of His love transforms us - as we open up our hearts... Never be content, never be satisfied... 

Indeed, His love knows no bounds.

people get ready

I initially loathed Idol this year cause the quality was far from good; except for a few. But as I watched, I guess I didn't hate it so much and ended up having a few favourites. So now it's down to Lee and Crystal. Not surprised, most people expected it anyway. Finale's happening tonight in America and I hope Crystal wins, though I have a feeling Lee has a higher chance. She's really good, and different from any other female contestant on the show. I don't dislike Lee, but I don't fancy him cause I stubbornly feel that no one can come close to David Cook and in the rocker genre, only he stands out for me. IMO, there's not been anyone more original, really talented with performances that just blow you away. 

Speaking of which, here's one of Crystal's performances that left me with goosebumps. I was moved just watching it. A must watch. :)

I've never heard this song prior to Idol but now that I have, I think it's a really great song. It's gospel-influenced, not necessarily Christian but I think the message it brings leave us with a lot to think about.

Just my own interpretation of the song.. 

People get ready, there's a train a comin'
You don't need no baggage, you just get on board
All you need is faith to hear the diesels hummin'
Don't need no ticket, you just thank the Lord

I think too often, we overlook the importance of faith and try to do this and that, bringing our baggages along with us. Our baggage could be in the form our our burdens, loads and worries. All that we find hard to leave behind. But we need to realize that faith is what will bring us through and deeper in our relationship with Him. We need to leave the rest behind. And we should thank Him, for His mercy and grace, that has opened the door for us to live a new life. 

There ain't no room for the hopeless sinner
Who would hurt all mankind just to save his own
Have pity on those whose chances grow thinner
For there's no hiding place against the Kingdom's throne

I like this verse too; it's message is quite obvious. No one is excluded from the Kingdom of God. We can all identify with being a hopeless sinner, selfishly living for ourselves. Whether or not we realize it, all of us have been here (maybe we still are). And He, the perfect One, would accept us all; no one is excluded.

Simply amazing, His love.

People get ready, cause He is coming. It's never too late to know Him, it's never too late come back. There's a love, that surpasses all understanding. And it's already here. :)

the greatest love of all

"Do you trust me? Am I not enough for you?"

I hear His voice, a gentle whisper.

To be honest sometimes I look at other people who seem to be so happy; who seem to have got it all; friends get together and it makes me wonder; will that ever happen to me?

I've been through so many hurts, so many painful times and at times I wonder why; do I really deserve it? Some people just seem to have it so easy. I still don't fully understand but I'm grateful anyhow.

Then I look at the Cross; seeing how much he suffered for me, he Died for me.. What more could I ask for? I have everything I need in Him, all I ever wanted; is Him.

I can lie to myself, thinking I can be happy once I find that 'love' - but I have already found it and not realize... Sorry Lord, that I have constantly forget what You mean to me. Nothing I want more than to please You, even if it means giving up my own dreams.. Nothing matters more.

At times I feel weak too; I look at others and ask "Why Lord?" And He simply answers "You're not anyone else, I have a plan for you." And as a child, I quietly wait on Him.

At the end of it all, I'll know it'll be worth it. To wait, without losing faith.

none can compare

Where have I gone that You have not been to?
Which path have I stumbled on that You have not walked on?
What pain do I have that You have not experienced?
What sufferings do I have that You have not endured?
What do I know that You don't already understand?
What future do I want that You have not planned out?
What needs do I have that You have not already fulfilled?
What love do I seek that You have not already given?
What can I do that You have not already done?
Lord, truly, You amaze me...

Nothing, absolutely nothing can compare to You.

For that reason; I worship. I honor. I seek.

*originally penned on 18.2.10*

for the weary heart

Dear heart;
Has it ever occurred to you that all that's happened
Is not in vain;
There is always a purpose; don't refrain.

For He is always there; right beside you;
Holding you, guiding you.
Loving you.
You've been searching for a love
That will never fail all your life.
Let me tell you, long before you even knew;
SomeOne loved you with an everlasting love.
You already found it. You can stop searching
Cause nothing's ever gonna come close
To the Love He gives.

Should you be weary?
Should you be upset?
Not all hope is lost.
Not all things have fallen apart.
Not all circumstances are bad.
In fact; it's all in the way you look at it.
If you could just see it from the way He sees;
Then you would see that through all this;
you will be strong.

You will be able to tell others about
How He's brought you through like He has done before.
You have been through much worse,
And look at what He did.
You told Him you couldn't;
But He said He could.
Your strength has failed you,
But His never will.

Has He ever been wrong?
How could One so Perfect
Look at you and not know
What you need.
After all, He made you.
He said He would never
Let you go through more than you can take.
Can you then rejoice in the truth?

O heart, do not be weary.
Trust Him.
He who loves you.

*penned this as I remember all He's told me.*

A Word For The Weary

Nothing much to blog about today except for the fact that I'll be taking my driving test tomorrow. It was supposed to be last week, but I went to Cherating, so I postponed it. Which turned out to be a good thing, cause I get to practice more. Had the last hour and one extra yesterday morning which was pretty funny cause after not touching the car for two weeks, it was kinda rusty for awhile. So I had to take another two hours today.. Even though I'm not THAT prepared I know that trusting Him is the only thing I can do right now.

And it brings me to realize that every single thing in our lives should be brought before Him in prayer.. Oh how easily we forget the fact that He's watching over us, waiting for us to call upon Him.. And how often we overlook the need to come to Him in prayer, even in the smallest matters. After all, He is God. Therefore, He deserves All we could possibly give to Him.. It's so beautiful to know that our Father smiles down from Heaven when our hearts are trusting and devoted to Him..

John 14:1 - "Don't let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God and trust also in me."

Dear restless heart, be still; don't fret and worry so;
God has a thousand ways His love and help to show;
Just trust, and trust and trust, until His will you know.

Dear restless heart, be still, for peace is God's own smile,
His love can every wrong and sorrow reconcile;
Just love, and love, and love and calmly wait awhile

Dear restless heart, be brave; don't moan and sorrow so,
He has a meaning kind in chilly winds that blow;
Just hope, and hope, and hope, until your braver grow.

Dear restless heart, recline upon His breast this hour,
His grace is strength and life, His love is bloom and flower;
Just rest, and rest, and rest, within His tender power.

Dear restless heart, be still! Don't struggle to be free;
God's life is in your life, from Him you may not flee;
Just pray, and pray, pray, till you have faith to see. Eddith Willis Linn

There's nothing my God cannot do.

A Valentine Indeed

Valentine's Day has no significance to me. Because I don't believe that there's only ONE day in which you do whatever people do on this very day. Every day is an opportunity to show your love for your family, friends and loved ones. But most importantly, to Him.

Anyhow, I do ponder on this day. And I want to love Him so much more than I do right now..

With all my heart,
With all my soul,
With all my might,
I want to love You Lord.

It's also a reminder for us to genuinely love each other.

Romans 12: 9-10 - Don't just pretend to love others. Really love them. Hate what is wrong. Hold tightly to what is good. Love each other with genuine affection and take delight in honoring each other.

There's always a certain mindset we tend to have when it comes to special events. For Valentine's, people usually think it's just for couples. How easily we forget that it all means NOTHING when God doesn't take first place; when our love for Him is not present in our hearts. So, if you haven't already thought about it.. If you have been feeling slightly upset due to being single while people have their 'dates'. (Nothing unusual). Always remember that when His love occupies our hearts, and when we respond to Him, we will find exceeding joy and a growing capacity to love, and slowly, when our hearts are full with love, we will begin to overflow into the lives of the people around us. =)

Cause I am nothing, I am nothing without You.