perfect love

Camp's tomorrow. Finally. And I haven't packed. Gotta rush now to settle everything before I start packing. Till then! =)

You've won my heart; ever since You came into my life. Cause no one else could ever love like You. Perfect love; it comes from You alone.

how?

Camp's in two days. There's still lots to do; or maybe I'm just being paranoid that something's gonna be left out.

How did it come to this?

And now I'm surprised that it's fading. I think it is. I hope it is. His love is just so amazing.... Words cannot express how much He loves. Can't express the extent to what His love is capable of doing. Healing; restoration; it comes from Him alone.

I had quite a great fall this week. Literally. I don't usually get hurt when I fall; but that day it was really painful. But I'm okay now. =D.

Can't deny it no more.

I feel like a fool sometimes. Smiling to myself.

ready for you

Recently; I did certain things that seemed alright to me; but as it went on I realized how wrong it was. I can't say what it is; but I was utterly displeased with myself.. And I know I broke His heart too.. Maybe in other people's eyes it might not seem to be anything that's wrong; but every little piece of dirt in our lives have to be removed. Small sins; big sins; what difference is there? It's still sin. I remember an uncle in my church saying that sometimes we may think that our lives are fully clean and that we are not sinning; and that's when we need to use a 'magnifying glass' to check our lives...

It's hard sometimes. To do what's right. To be radical. The world might laugh at you; even fellow believers might say that you're going too far. But deep inside; if you know that you're doing what's required of you; doing what is pleasing in His sight; why should you fear? Let them say what they want. It doesn't matter.

Been pretty busy the past few days and it's gonna be till camp's over. At the rate things are going; I should be worn out; but I'm surprised that I'm still alright. It's definitely His strength in me.

Just had to share this song; read through the lyrics; it's more like a prayer..

(Kutless - Ready For You)

Lord, You take my heart away with Your love
and I am willing to put on my faith in Your plan.

Come and take my life.
Make my soul refreshed in truth now.

* I am ready for You.
Take my heart and make me new now.
I am ready for You
to come and fill my soul.

Cleanse all of my mind that is not of You.
Break me, teaching me how to find rest in Your hands.

Whatever it takes,
I'm needing to make Your will be done
and I'm letting go of my control,
for I see what You've done in me.

flashbulb memory

This is something I learnt in Psychology and I truly believe that such a thing exists:

Flashbulb memory is a special form of vivid memory created because of intense emotion. These memories are detailed and are very vivid recollections of events; we'll remember things like who we were with, where we were, what we were doing at that time, how we felt etc. Situations like tragic events could cause these memories or even anything with an emotional attachment to it.

I still remember when we first learnt about such a thing we were imagining flashbulb memory to be something like what you see in cartoons. You know where a person's thinking and suddenly a light bulb lights up above his head and he comes up with this brilliant thought or idea. Lol.


It hasn't been scientifically proven to be true; I mean how can you prove it? So; there's a debate about whether these vivid memories are due to intense emotion or because it's just rehearsed; where we keep repeating it either in our minds or tell others about it..

Now I know why it's so easy for me to remember vivid details about certain things even if I don't consciously try to recall of it; it's just there. What about you? =)

weird

Gonna be busy for the next two weeks. Youth camp's next week; got games planning to do this week; worship practice; Christmas stuff... But it's all for Him; got to keep remembering that.

Memories supposed to fade;
What's wrong with my heart.
Shake it off; let it go
Never think it'd be this hard
Moving on; Should be strong...

I feel a breath of fresh air somehow. Even though the wounds haven't been completely healed; I have hope in Him. Never needed anything else so badly; and I know I never would. Cause nothing comes close to being with Him every moment... Just knowing that He's never gonna leave you is probably the greatest comfort you could ever have... =)

And something really weird is going on inside of me. Can't explain much here but it's really weird. Wish I could understand it; wish I could know why I feel like this. At least; I've been smiling more.. Another impossible dream. But it doesn't really matter; not anymore. I'm grateful anyhow.

For Your love is higher than the heavens; deeper than the seas.. I rejoice in Your love

all or nothing

How would you know when your heart is healed? Even if it were healed completely; there'd still be scars to remind you. Maybe we shouldn't try to run away from the pain; but face it.

6 weeks have passed; I guess it's healing; but the scar still remains.

I never tried to run away. I only prayed for sufficient strength to carry through. But it was through the tears and moments where I felt helpless; I felt His arms around me; comforting and reminding me of His everlasting love that will never fail. This emptiness inside can only be filled by His love. That, I didn't forget.

It ended; before it even started; I lost a battle I never was a part of. It hurt me to think of the endless possibilities; of what could've been, what should've been; what would've been. I was glad to know that I was on the right track. Give it some time. And then everything fell apart. It wasn't easy to deal with the pain of shattered hopes. I wondered why it hurt so much. Now I understand.

It doesn't hurt as much anymore. But I know I've got a long way to go before you slip out of my life. I'm still holding on to the memories; it's the only thing I've got. Sometimes I still do wish things had been different... Sometimes I still hope for that one in a million chance. It pains me when they say it's not worth it. What do they know? Am I supposed to act like it doesn't affect me when deep inside; it's hurting so badly? Am I supposed to rejoice when I hear all the stories that give me good reason not to be affected?

Of late; I've been trying to keep myself busy. Reading; watching shows; doing this and that.. Have I been trying so hard to keep it out of my mind? Cause I've realized; when I turn off the lights; it's you I think about.

I know I could say we're through
And tell myself I'm over you
But even if I made a vow
I promise not to miss you now
And try to hide the truth inside
I'd fail cause I, I just can't live a lie

You're my Healer.

weighed down

Haven't blogged for a few days though I had so much time at hand. Anyway, it's been a cycle for the past few days. Reading too; and no not anything to do with the subjects I have to study for.. But reading would help improve my language so it's not really a waste of time either. Right.

Went to watch New Moon alone yesterday; cousins and aunt went to watch 2012 and I already watched it so I went for something else at the same time. It was quite nice; for me at least. You don't and shouldn't expect book adaptation movies to stay real close to the book; you won't complain too much. Unless you simply hate the movie. Hah.

Will be going to Teluk Intan with my mum and John tomorrow. Just for a night; and of course lots of food. If I had lived there all my life; I would be obese right now. Speaking about weight; I used to be underweight; 1 year ago maybe... But I'm normal now. =D. For the past few months I've been hearing comments like "You're putting on weight!" "You're not skinny anymore." You look much better now." Heh.

Gonna watch a movie now. Till then.

I.R.M.Y