failed attempt

I wanted to know how I'd look like with short hair; found a short hairstyle that looked pretty nice.

So I got a friend with awesome Photoshopping skills to help me.

It's not her fault that the pic looks terribly weird/abnormal. Haha. The picture (of myself) that I gave her was evidently out of proportion.

I can't look at it without laughing. LOL.

God is God

God is God and I am man
I can only see a part of the picture He's painting.

Jan Silvious, an author wrote 'I believe learning to content yourself begins with the acknowledgement that God is God are you are not.'

I couldn't agree more.

Isaiah 45:5,7 - I am the Lord. There is no other God; I am the only God. I made the light and the darkness. I bring peace, and I cause troubles. I, the Lord, do all these things.

Understanding His sovereignty sheds light on our humanity, helping us to realize we are His subjects.

Most of us know the story of Job and how he undeservedly went through all the suffering although he was 'blameless'. Why would God allow a righteous man to endure such pain in life? Job never got an answer; nor do we know it.

However, after much lament, (30+ chapters), God finally spoke and in 4 wonderful chapters, (Job 38-41); reminded Job of His sovereignty, supremity and power which left Job speechless and his only reply was:

Job 42:2-3 - “I know that you can do all things; no plan of yours can be thwarted. [You asked,] ‘Who is this that obscures my counsel without knowledge?’ Surely I spoke of things I did not understand, things too wonderful for me to know.

Which leaves me wondering... Who are we to question? The moment something goes wrong in our lives, we quickly ask God why. When we see someone else doing better than us, we often wonder if God knows we deserve that more than the other.... So many times we argue, we question, we complain and very often, are left worse than before we ever asked.

But when we begin to comprehend who God is, things begin to change. We find ourselves content although we don't understand a lot of things. Questions and things that use to confound us no longer effect how we see God. In fact, we are brought even closer to Him for the very reason that He is God and we are not.. Do you see what I see?

And so, with this truth, let us not now worry about this and that. But realize how BIG, how GREAT God is. He's immeasurable, He's immense.

Oh how silly we can be when we question. Even with the answers, we are often discontent. If God wants to reveal them to us, so be it. If not, let us just be glad that He is the God of the universe. If He could oversee EVERYTHING, how could He not know whats going on in our lives.

We will never understand everything. We will never comprehend Him fully. But one thing is enough; He is God, not me, not you, not anyone in this world.

It's time we rightfully give back what belongs to Him:- ourselves

Haven't been doing much to be honest. Exam's still awhile away so as usual, haven't studied yet. Next week, I will. Sounds all too familiar?

Anyway, it's grandma's 80th birthday celebration on Saturday in T.I. She's only 79 this year but following the Chinese calendar, she's 80 so there'll be a pretty grand celebration. I still remember granddad's 80th 5 years ago.

I laugh at myself as I remember how much I detested 'dressing up' for it. I was stubborn in not wanting to wear feminine stuff. Can read the post here. I was 15, so that explains it... I certainly amuse myself, if not you.

I'm not the same now. I'm fine with the idea of 'dressing up'. Still prefer my shirt and shorts over anything but if something calls for feminine dressing, so be it. But then again, I still have the same strict ideals and views on what's decent and what's not. I'm not crossing that line for sure.

Anyway, it's probably gonna be the last big family reunion before I leave. Gotta cherish the moments.

I'll probably post pictures since this blog seems so bare. Till then!

Last CF; graduating class of 2011

College's ended. Exams in a month's time.

Haven't started revising of course. Hope I will soon. That's what I always say and then I'll be left with only a week. Oh, well.

Though I'm not exactly stressed about exams, I do wish to get over and done with it soon. And I can officially close a chapter of my life, though I'm pretty much in the process.

I won't say I'm ready to move on to the next stage of life in a completely foreign land. I have had second thoughts though not strong enough to make me regret my decision..

God has His plans for me and all I need to do is avail myself to them..

I don't have dreams for myself (at least not ones that I have to achieve), my only dream is to dream His dreams and live the life He created me for.

You are the Potter, I am the clay
Mould me and make me, this is what I pray

I remember there was a time I didn't want college to end. Maybe even a few times. But that was because my July friends were still around; now there's only 15 of us Arts people left; without the Science peeps, we are almost non-existent in college dominated by the juniors.

Next week's the last week for classes and then exams are in mid June, for me at least. I honestly can't wait for it to be over. I've been here long enough and it's kinda tiring. Of course I will miss college and my friends. But it's time to move on.

I'm glad He led me here but there's always an end to everything. I'm not officially done with A-Levels and college yet so I'll save my goodbyes and stories for later.

And as people come and go, He has always stood by my side. I am blessed.

going away

After much prayer and discussion with my parents, I've decided to accept Colby-Sawyer's offer and will be going there at the end of August. I've deposited and officially am a CSC student Class of 2015. Making the decision wasn't easy. Although it was the only door that was clearly open for me, I was still apprehensive about deciding too quickly because I wanted to really make sure it was Him who opened the door. So how did I know He did? Well for one, I can't say that He showed a really obvious sign that says GO. But His leading in our lives aren't always clear-cut, we've got to seek Him and know where He's bringing us. Through the little things along the way and especially the fact that we're all at peace with it, I'm taking this leap of faith.

Why leap of faith you ask me?

The idea of going to a foreign country to further studies is intriguing. But at what expense? Leaving my family, friends and basically everything I know behind and going to a new place is kinda scary. But I'm not gripped by fear just yet, because I know He will go with me.
Also, the States are becoming a more godless nation and more and more people are turning away from God. Not to mention the lifestyle there is completely different with temptations lurking at every corner. I told Him before, that if He knew it would be too great for me to withstand, don't lead me there. Because if my faith is going to be shaken, I'd rather not go. I'd rather die before that ever happens. No joke. The thought of me being far away from Him scares me.

But then again, I was reminded;
Psalm 119:9 - How can a young man keep his way pure? By living according to your word.

He speaks.

My trust is in Him and not in my own strength. There are many uncertainties; questions about what if I don't maintain the required CGPA to keep my merit scholarship, funding and settling down, finding the right church etc. Whatever they may be, I choose not to allow it to bother me, but that they may lead me back to Him. It's all in His hands. If He led me to it, He will lead me through it. He's a faithful God, no doubt about that.

this love, his love

Just like Christmas, the yearly celebration of Easter has become so commercialized (though not as bad as Christmas since only Christians celebrate Easter unlike Christmas where everyone 'celebrates'.)

Only few actually reflect on its true meaning and think of the implications and act on it. I was close to being of the 'many'. It's really not hard, since we hear the message again and again. Who doesn't know it by heart? Jesus died on the Cross for our sins, He bore it all, that we might be reconciled to God, that we might have eternal life.

Stop there.

His death and resurrection has been described as the 'greatest event in all history of mankind'. Certainly it has.

Isaiah 53:4-5 - Surely he took up our infirmities and carried our sorrows, yet we considered him stricken by God, smitten by him, and afflicted. But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon him, and by his wounds we are healed. We all, like sheep, have gone astray, each of us has turned to his own way; and the Lord has laid on him the iniquity of us all.

My friend, do you know what it means?

Our minds would understand the fact that He died for us, for our sins.

What does that mean?

Today, I was reminded once again, and I haven't felt it for a very long time, what it meant for Him to die for me. For Him to take on my sin. And not just that, but to pay the price, and no longer have me condemned for it.

Because I have taken Him for granted time and again. And every time I drift away, even for just a moment, He waits for me with longing in His eyes and love in His heart and the moment I return to Him, He does not ask me 'Where have you been?'. Instead, He embraces me and say 'My daughter, I love you.'

He gave up EVERYTHING for me, how can I hold anything back?

When we realize how much we have wronged Him, we are in awe of His giving up of His life for us. His love for us.

It doesn't matter what you've done, whether or not you've been far away, whether or not you have ever known Him, whether or not you have rejected Him. He is there, waiting.

He loves you.

For me, that's all that matters.

I hope its the same for you too.

1 John 4:10 - This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.