some post

A random picture taken during my church camp at Lutheran Bungalow (2006), miss that place!!

There's always a time for everything. I think it's time for me to snap out of it. It won't be easy; there'll still be times where I will violate my own rules and go against what I shouldn't be feeling. But that doesn't mean I have to dwell in this. I might be confused, but I know it well enough.

I don't miss school. Don't really miss my friends, just a few close ones. When I told my friends I wouldn't miss school, they didn't believe me. They said you would naturally tend to; well they're absolutely wrong. Hah. I didn't have a bad schooling life; it was pretty alright. Just don't have that emotional attachment to it. Apart from the CF that is. Random school pictures:






Met up with Tab yesterday; my best friend since Form One. Haven't seen her for a year; we've only been keeping in touch through messages and haven't met ever since I came to KL. It was nice to just hang out and talk about all that's happened. We realized that both of us haven't changed a single bit which is a good thing. Walked around for awhile after lunch and I went back before 5; was really tired already. Had IELTS mock test in the morning.

Had another long day today; went to college church; then to KLCC with Wei Han and Jason. We went for the UK Edu fair and met Ern Wei, Adam and Praise there.. They came from their church. We walked around in iSETAN after that; then they went back... We hanged around till 4smtg; bought tickets earlier for 2012 at 4.45. The movie was pretty good, didn't feel long at all - it was 2 and a half hours. Ate at the food court after that. Not too bad.

I guess that's it for now.. Till then =)

p.s: my aunt came back today; just a few hours ago - it's such a relief, don't have to worry about the dogs anymore!! =D

here i am

This is my cry; this is my prayer
And it comes from a heart that's been broken;
A heart that has been trampled on.
Only You have the healing power to revive it.
Lord, I've seen Your reality throughout all the 18 years of my life.
And I cannot deny what You've done.
There's so much more that's coming

More that will be heartbreaking.
I need strength; only You can provide.
Lord, right now,
I'm surrendering all my unfulfilled wishes and desires;
My shattered dreams; my empty hopes;
My broken heart.

I'm sorry for the times where I have not thought of Your purpose.
Where I have overlooked all the things You've done.
Where I have not trusted You enough to know
That above everything else, You desire the best for me.
Who am I to say that I know it better...
You created me after all...

There's this joy in me that I cannot explain
Despite the pain; despite the hurts;
I can still smile because of Your love.
Your love that's never failed..
Never.

you don't know

Some of us were deciding where to eat for lunch this afternoon; ended up going to Julius' dad's place; Mojo at Medan Tuanku. He was so nice to treat all of us. We had a very nice meal. The food was really good!

I'm not sure why, but somehow I feel different today. Happy? I guess. Sad? A little. Confused? Very. Isn't this always the case.

There's nothing else I have besides these memories. And no one can take them away...

-out.-

child-like faith

Once again I experienced His grace. I got unexpectedly rather good results for my semester exams. All honor and glory to Him. I did nothing. Prior to the exams; I thought I would just do well enough to scrape through a 2.7 CGPA to keep my scholarship. My parents told me that I could do it and when I told my mum how surprised I was and how God had been so merciful; she asked me why I always underestimate myself. I don't know why; I didn't prepare as much as I should. And I thought I didn't do so well cause I barely had enough time for most of the papers. God amazes me.

But the major exams are in two months time; that's much much more important. I guess I'd have to take this as a reminder to study consistently and not slack anymore. Also, I've got to continue trusting Him. And the part I was amazed at most was how the things that happened prior to trials didn't really affect my concentration. These are the things that give me even more reason to believe in His amazing plans.

I have been asked questions about my faith. Honestly I don't always have the answers and it's hard to really give an answer that would open people's eyes to see the truth; they still choose not to believe. Yet, the only thing I can say is that I've experienced Him enough to know that He is real. So many things I cannot explain. But that's what faith is all about. Taking Him at His word; no questions asked.

I need motivation!! Hah.

IMY.

stronger

It's been 3 weeks now. Yet nothing's changed. Maybe I have accepted the fact after all; yet I can't do what they tell me to. I'd rather fake a smile on my face; be a friend and hurt myself then ignore and hurt even more.. It's better that way.

Through this period; I have learnt so much. Learnt to trust. Learnt to love. I couldn't have come this far had it not been for Him. Emotions are strong. Feelings are hard to control. But He is so much stronger than all that I feel.

I don't want to compare myself with anyone else. I don't want this to make me feel worthless. God has made me who I am. And I trust that His purpose for me goes beyond my understanding... Even though I can't see the valley; I know He's in control. He's my light in the darkness. He's my hope when all else has failed. He is my God; I will yet trust Him.

alpha retreat

So as I mentioned; 26 of us students went to Fraser's Hill along with 6 college staff and lecturers. It was a refreshing time for most of us especially after we just had our trials the week before. 2 days were not enough but it was definitely a good break. A much needed one.

We left college at around 8.30 and reached the foothill close to 11. Had a winding journey up; reminded me of those times I used to puke. Lol. And when we reached; we had to walk up; was pretty tiring and nearly all of us were complaining. Haha. But when we saw the place; we were pretty much impressed. Lunch came soon after and it was seriously good. More than enough. It was a full course Western meal. Bread and Soup; Mashed Potatoes; Vege; Pork Chops and Banana Fritter Cake.. Settled down in the rooms and then we had two of the Alpha sessions. After that we had tea. Had scones. Really nice. Free time after that; some of us played Captain Ball and as I expected; the ball eventually was thrown over and rolled down to the jungle. It was just a matter of when. It fell a few times; but they still managed to get it cause there was a fence. But then someone threw it real hard and it got stuck in a bush after the fence. The guys took a long stick to try to take it out, but they pushed it down instead. We were joking about all the balls that could've been lost as well. It started raining then; so I guess it was just in time.

Dinner was great as well. Another full course meal. This time the main dish was chicken with gravy and potatoes. Had our third alpha session at night. We had to do a short skit with items that were given to us. Haha; my group was the last to perform and since the time allocated was only 3 minutes; I stopped the story halfway cause I didn't know what to say anymore. The night was pretty much for ourselves; there wasn't really any curfew. The good thing about having small groups =). So some played Pictionary, some Taboo.. I'm glad I decided not to play though I initially wanted to; God knew what I needed at that time and He provided for that need through a person. =). It was time well spent. The next day; after breakfast, we had our last alpha session for the retreat and ministry time as well. Oh and my group won The 'Academy Award' cause we were the fastest to complete charades in all rounds. The first one was the fastest; Wei Ren did just one action for Cowboy and Vincent got it right away. Haha. Then at 11 we left the place. Most of us felt rather sad cause we wished we could've had more time there... It was really relaxing. This time; the bus came up abit so we didn't have to walk that much. We went to the town awhile; then went to the playground, yes playground. Left the place at 12.30 Then we stopped at Kuala Kubu Baru for lunch and reached KL at 4. And on the way back; me and the guys were so bored at the back we started singing. We edited the 'If You're Happy And You Know It' song to If You're Dizzy and You Know It'. And they made gross puking sounds. Lol. Now pictures..

Me, Wei Han and Chuen Hoe

Julius and Isaac


Group's skit

It's been ages since I played the monkey bars!

Overall, I thoroughly enjoyed myself. I had many things off my mind most of the time. It was a good break. Got 'bullied' by the guys. Their room was opposite mine; the moment I came out of it all of them came with pillows and I was left defenseless. Hah. And now nearly everyone knows my nickname. Won't blame them. There's some truth after all. Heh. I got to know some people better. Loved the company. I'd love to go there again someday. I wish I could just go back; get everything off my mind. It's back to reality now.

never let me go

Lord, I need You, more than ever.

Please take these feelings away; it hurts too much..

Today I told You that no matter pain may come I will trust You.

The thing I feared most happened right in front of my eyes.

It's so hard to act like I'm okay in front of you

And you don't even know what I'm feeling,

Yet I can never blame you

My head's spinning; the tears keep flowing.

But I know You will never let me go.

You alone are my comfort; You alone are my peace.

Lord; do what You will; even if my heart has to break.

Your daughter.