2wice

This cannot be happening.

It's too much, just too much. Just when I accepted it as part of me this has to happen. I'm really upset..

It's not confirmed yet but I'll know it, soon. I wish the best for you and as much as I don't want you to leave, I hope you get it; that you may pursue your dream.. I thought there was lots of time; but I guess it's all about to end now.

Less than two months left. Things are going to be different once you're gone. How am I going to cope? What will it be like... I'm confused now; I just feel like I don't deserve this sometimes. And the worst part is that all of this is just the way things are.

(Don't bother trying to understand, just needed to get it off my chest.)

The next few months, there are exams. Trials in 3 weeks; A-Level exams again in June. Coursework needs to be completed and sent to UK by 3rd May. Aunt's going to China for 3 weeks from the 5th onwards. Mum will be coming down here and then but most of the time I'll be left at home and need to take care of the house and dogs too; no one else's gonna help me this time around. Got to make adjustments to so many things... I'm confused about what's going on and I wish it didn't have to be like this. I don't know what to do. I feel lost..... I don't know if I can go on; I don't know if I can handle all that's happening... When I'm already emotionally weak.. Really, so many tests...

But I have a hope, I have a hiding place. You are my refuge.. I'm tired, but its in You my strength is restored....

Isaiah 40:30-31: Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.

again

Another tiring day!! Reached home at 11 today. I want to sleep but there's some research left to do; everything else, I'll do tomorrow. Too tired already. Today was funny, I was being really random. It was pretty fun helping out; mostly folding papers etc. T

I'm grateful I realized some things now. And I won't run away from it any longer. I used to be really afraid of these things, but I know nothing I do will keep it away. So, I should embrace it and be strong.. No matter what may come. My strength is in Him.

I've got to decide now, and I've decided. To attempt to forget. It'll take time but I know it will happen someday. Nothing is impossible.

So many things left to do. And I'm a 100% sure of this now. Thanks to a certain someone, I said it was your fault and blamed you for it. But I think I'm kinda happy it's come to this. I didn't really want to go through the whole thing again, but I guess it ain't so bad. I'll see...

Gonna sleep now. Can hardly keep my eyes open. Till then. :)

choices

I just got back at 10plus. Tiring day. Didn't really have to stay back today but ended up helping the Student Council with some Treasure Hunt stuff. Dinner after that; funny. Hah.

I'm really tired now. These few days; two weeks to be exact, I haven't been getting enough sleep. And I don't seem to have the time to catch up on it too. Oh, well.

I'm still not sure which church I want to commit to right now. It's been 8 months yet I still haven't found a place I can really settle in and perhaps serve. I don't want to keep church hopping; keep going from here to there.. Yet I still haven't found a place; there seems to be a problem everywhere. Not really a problem but just something about it that stops me from wanting to commit. Perhaps I'll just wait awhile more. But one thing's for sure, I'm still going to church. The tendency to be lazy and not go is so high sometimes.. But once you start, it'll become a habit. There can't be any compromises.

I'm quite clear on where I want to study after A-Levels now. I believe it will happen, if it's what He has willed it to be. Though I really hope it would come to pass. And for that reason, I guess I've got to be consistent, got to work hard. I can't waste my time, 'brains' and everything else I've been given.

And oh, the March batch came in yesterday, they had orientation for two days. When I was walking into college yesterday, a junior from the January intake said to me in an excited manner;
"Serene, I saw someone who looks like you!!!"
"Oh, who?"
"A guy from the March intake!"
"...........A guy....???? Are you insulting me?????"
"No, no, no... Like guy version of you la."
"Sure or not??"
"Yeah, he's wearing green, standing there only, go and see!"
So I went to check; and of course I don't think we look alike. Today I asked some of my friends and they found it amusing. Kai Yen even went up to him and said "Eh you so leng chai, take picture can or not?" Swt. The guy refused. Haha. I just hope he doesn't think we're stalking him or something. But nearly all of them think we look alike now; especially the nose. I can't say anything about it. Lol. Ain't it cool I have a 'twin'. And I haven't mentioned there's a John Chua in college too. LOL. So many brothers. HAH.

Lit coursework is gonna take up my time. Only the intro's done and there's only weeks left.. But I guess it'll be alright. He's my strength; all I need is found in Him.

My heart skipped a beat; when you entered. You'll be leaving. Don't want you to... But maybe it's better like this.

200th post

I was going to post something significant since it's the 200th. But the MU-Liv match was just over and I have to vent out my frustration.

Today I realized and reaffirmed why I never liked MU, why I always had something against them. So they won. I wouldn't say they didn't play well. Both teams were good, though Liverpool could've been much better in the 2nd half. The penalty changed everything.

Torres scored on the 5th minute; brilliant goal. A short while later, Valencia dives. Is he trying to take Ronaldo's place? Cause that guy was just an expert in diving. Anyway, he 'fell' down, and Mascherano gets the yellow card and a penalty is given. Rooney shoots, Reina saves and bounces back to Rooney who kicks it back in. Tell me, is that fair?

But I'm not surprised, it's MU!!! It's one in the many times they've won games cause of such a thing. Really frustrating. And if you're an MU fan, I'd be glad if you remain silent. I don't need any comments from you people. MU fans and their words infuriate me as much as the club does. Maybe worse.

A typical MU fan; I'd NEVER want to marry one. Hardcore supporter of the Red Devils; no way. LOL.

Two things I won't understand: 1. How people can find football boring. 2. How MU and the fans can rejoice in victories that were not even deservedly won.

Wait, I forgot; Evra said before; They don't care what way, as long as they win. Wow. How admirable!!!!!

of divinity and humanity

God is God and I am man.
So I'll never understand it all
Only God is God.

Religious Studies was really interesting today. Our lecturer told us that today's lesson was gonna be slightly tougher compared to what we've covered in previous classes. 3 hours of class today; we discussed and learned about the early church and their views of the person of Christ. Christology is as it states, the study of Christ. And in this case, what people saw Jesus as.

So this is a brief summary of what we went through in class as well as my own opinions. There isn't any right or wrong views for this; though we might take sides.

Ebionitism - A Jewish sect that believes JC is just an ordinary human. That's surely not what we believe.

Docetism (from the Greek δοκέω [dokeō], "to seem") is a belief that JC was totally divine but appeared as a human. We don't believe that either do we..

I'll skip out some parts as it will be confusing if I just post brief descriptions; it's really interesting though; can ask me if you wanna know more..

Then there's:

Arianism, the theological teaching of Arius where he states that the Father existed before the Son. Meaning to say, the Son was somehow believed to be a creature or created being; made by the Father. But is that really true?

He came up with another belief to do with the unknowability of God; the Son cannot know the Father; 'one who has a beginning is in no position to know the one who has no beginning'

I do agree with the quote; but only applying it to us humans and not Jesus. I'm far from agreeing with what Arianism stands for.. Moving on

Athanasius had interesting views: A creature is merely a creature and only God can save a creature, not another creature. Since we worship JC as God and not as a creature, it means He is indeed God.

Only God can save; Jesus saves and therefore, Jesus is God.

There're other schools of thought too but this will do.

So what was Jesus really? Was he just human, or completely God but in humanly form. Or was he half of both? Or was he 100% God and 100% man. I believed this; and still do.. But then I was asked; if He was fully man, why didn't he sin? Men, no matter how good, have the tendency to sin. But it's written in Hebrews that He was blameless... Fully man? Think about it.

And come to think of it; it's quite impossible to imagine that anything can be of two natures yet be one.

Ponder on this: God became human in order that humanity might become divine.

As we debated, it got abit frustrating cause there were always questions to something we say. It's just so hard coming to a conclusion. And I was saying how it seems like the more we know, the more doubts we are bound to have. We need childlike faith. And the conclusion made was that; as much as there's so much to debate about this issue; since the early church days till right now; people still have different opinions on who Jesus really is.

But the question is; do we really have to know? With our human minds that are so limited in its understanding; how can we ever comprehend all that is of Him? All that is of something divine; when we are mere humans... Many things in life we won't understand, but we just need to keep having faith and trusting that it will all be revealed to us someday. And till that day comes; we'll never ever doubt His deity. I believe, Jesus was 100% human when he walked this earth and yet was 100% God.

He is my God, my Saviour. He came to save us. And that's all we need to know. :)

Interesting much? Feel free to comment.

'Cause I know my God saved the day
And I know His word never fails
And I know my God made a way for me
Salvation is here

to my best friend and cousin..

HAPPY 15th BIRTHDAY CONTY!!

2006. When we were young and innocent. Hah

I know I already wished you; and that's all I did and can do for now, so I've decided to dedicate this post to you. :)

We grew up together; I guess we've known each other for our whole lives. I still remember those times we used to hang out; me, Stv, you and Abel and do all the weird stuff. We used to go to the Stadium to play tennis but ended up picking balls up instead. We went places together; church camps, outings, sleepovers and crashing each other's houses.. I was so glad when we moved to live just a row away from you. Though you're 4 years younger than me, I never really felt like we had any gap in between us at all. We had our arguments here and there; we did cry over things as girls do. But those aren't the memories that live on; it's all the great ones we've had that continues to play in my mind. We were more like sisters since we only have brothers and yeah, I was really glad having you around..

Then things started to change, and it came to a point where it started to hurt us both. To realize that we were drifting apart. It was hard for me, that whole period and I know it was for you too. But I'm glad that after some time, it started getting better. Things didn't get back to the way it was before and to tell you the truth, sometimes I still wish it did. But I'm seeing now that not everything can go back to the way it used to be, however, it doesn't make it any different. We're still cousins, sisters, best friends :). And that's one thing that won't change, I promise you. I don't ever want to lose you either.

I hope you'll cherish those times like I did. Thanks for standing by me all this while; always being there for me.. You've always had my best interests at heart and I'm really sorry for all the things that happened in the past; the words I've said and things I did... You always were so forgiving and loving.. And you were always there.. You say you can't help me sometimes, but really, just listening is more than enough and I'm glad for all you've done for me... Truly grateful!

I'm so happy to see how much you've grown over the years and I'm proud of you!! Do know I'm always gonna be here for you and you can count on me. We can't expect things to be like before; but it doesn't mean we're any further apart... I miss you. =/.

Continue to be strong in the Lord.. Hold on and never let go! And remember, I'm here too! Love you loads!! :)

2009

p.s: We shall go out when I'm back!!

kids carnival

College organized Kids Carnival on Saturday, 13th. It was for charity and part of our Moral Studies project too. The money we raised was used to sponsor kids (Myanmar Refugees) from MalaysianCare to come and play games. Each kid was given a booklet worth 10bucks each. So in our groups, we had to set up our own game booths and stuff for them. My group planned to set up two; one; a game we call Pin the Moustache on the Choi San; revised version of Pin the Tail on the Mule and the second game was 'Shoot Me'.. Kids basically just get to shoot our human targets with water guns or throw sponges. It was kinda like a last minute idea; did some changes here and there. The original plan was to let the guys pop their heads up here and there with something to block them; but they ended up taking it away and had free 'showers'.

The Choi San game failed; which kid would want to play??? But surprisingly our water game was a success. Seriously; kids started crowding the place and some of them kept coming back; spending most of their coupons at our stall. HAHA. Someone was saying we were kinda promoting the wrong 'values' but c'mon it's just a game; where's the violence in that?

Anyway, at least we made some profit.. Compared to many other groups that worked so hard in preparing their stall; we barely had anything to prepare; we kinda earned much more.. So yea! I was kinda worried cause being the only girl in the group with 8 guys, I wasn't sure how it was gonna work out. But thankfully it was okay. =D

Our failed Choi San game

He deserves to be 'shot'. Hah

Moral Studies Group Pic..

Hopefully we'll get decent marks for our group effort; 40% weightage. If we can get good marks, plus another 10% from assignments, I just need to make sure I get a few marks in the exam and I'll pass! It's just Moral anyway.

I'm holding on.