what might be

I want to expound on what I said at the end of the previous post.

Warning: The following might be sensitive in pertaining to religious beliefs. Everything I write is my own thoughts and I do not intend to offend anyone.

It scares me to be honest, to wonder what will become of me as a person in 4 years time. Its a cause for concern to think that my faith might be challenged to the point where I might not be sure of what I believe in or be shaken that I might leave it for good. I dare not imagine it and I pray for His mercy.

All along, He's been with me and I know He will continue to be with me. But I'm now opening myself up to the possibilities of my faith being openly challenged.

I know I might not have the answers that would please those who enquire why I believe in the first place. All I know is that I know He is true, the how and why I cannot prove but one does not need to see in order to believe despite the notion that seeing is believing.

For me, 'Believing is Seeing'. And not seeing with one's eyes but one's heart knowing the truth.

As Paul writes in 2 Corinthians 4:3-6 - And even if our gospel is veiled, it is veiled to those who are perishing. The god of this age has blinded the minds of unbelievers, so that they cannot see the light of the gospel of the glory of Christ, who is the image of God. For we do not preach ourselves, but Jesus Christ as Lord, and ourselves as your servants for Jesus’ sake. For God, who said, “Let light shine out of darkness,” made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Christ.

Somehow this post turned out totally different from what I had envisioned it to be; what I had intended to write... But perhaps this is what the Spirit is guiding me to do.

Months ago, I came across a passage of Scripture when I was afraid of possibly giving in to the temptations of this world when I enter a very different place. Who can tell?

But He encouraged me through this:

Psalm 119:9 - How can a young man keep his way pure? By living according to Your word.

That is what I long to do. And I know only He can empower me to do it.

In You I place my trust.

I was in KL yet again over the weekend for the US Apps Workshop for the second time around and as a facilitator this time around. The facilitator group was made up of those who studied/ are studying/going to study in the States. You can read about my previous experience here.

When I read it over, all I can say is Wow.

Many people talk about how tedious it is, how they had sleepless nights and often felt like they didn't want to go on. I have to admit I did feel kinda tired sometimes during the application process and there were times I asked why I'm even doing it. But I never felt that I couldn't go on because I knew He would carry me through. And I can only thank Him, never enough but I thank Him anyway.

The workshop this time around wasn't that mentally exhausting since I didn't really have much information to process. I was in charge to speak along with two others for the Financial Aid portion and though I was initially unsure how to go about it, He filled me with peace and I guess it went okay.

But more than that, I would remember the people I met. I barely knew any of the facilitators yet over two days, I made lots of new friends and there are those whom I hope will continue to be close to although we'll be dispersed all around the States. And I realized what a small world this is having met so many people I have mutual friends with!

One thing that struck me during the workshop was when some facilitators shared how the US experience really opens up one's mind and changes the person to think differently or at least look at things widely.

I'll post my feelings on that in another post. I'm done for now.

Thank You.

you'll never walk alone

16th July 2011; a day to remember indeed.

Stv and me went to Starbucks at Amcorp Mall while waiting for Abel who was at Urbanscapes near Asia Jaya. It was 3plus by the time we left and reached Masjid Jamek where he had to switch trains at 4. We were surprised to see the huge crowd lining up to buy tickets. Of course we knew many would go for the game but we didn't expect so many at the station at that time.



We reached the stadium just in time for the match. Stv initially bought RM58 tickets for us both and we were supposed to sit there. But I received 2 grandstand tickets from a church friend who works in Standard Chartered. I'm really grateful. We sat there and it was quite a good view though during the second half it was quite difficult to see the action taking place at the other end (where most of the goals were scored) since we were closer to the other end. Still, it was more than what I could ask for and it was amazing. 20 minutes into the game, the people around me started looking to the back and we realized it was an MU fan. They started shouting and asking him to take it off. It was a white guy this time and he aggravated the fans when he kissed the MU crest. Seriously? I was anxious for them to stop looking and focus on the game which happened shortly after the scene.

The 80,000 crowd

I expected the crowd to cheer more throughout cause I felt it wasn't as loud as it could and should be. Support for the national team exceeded my expectations and I guess it was a good thing cause I wasn't really contributing any. Not that I'm anti Malaysia or anything, far from that really. But like it or not, I was and am all out for the Reds and that's it. I have to admit I was rather impressed at how the national team played against a very relaxed Liverpool. I'd give them the credit for their hard work and persistence. But even against an under par Liverpool performance; it clearly wasn't good enough. The fact that the score ended 6-3 says everything. I found it amusing how the Reds were so relaxed throughout the game; it was evident in the way they celebrated goals (or lack of) and maintained such a cool composure even when 'threathened'. They weren't really complacent and still played at a wholly different class. I thought the 2nd half was much better though; the team played better together. Aquilani and Kelly stood out for me. Even players like Ngog, Poulsen and Shelvey who are usually on the bench played really well.

The match was exciting from start to finish though the most 'kan cheong' (suspenseful) times were after Malaysia seemed to be on the verge of a comeback (good thing they didn't). But I really thought Liverpool had better be on their feet or they might end up equalizing, which were just irrational fears of mine. Obviously they had the upper hand, no question about it.

The players during the half-time break

Lap of honour after the game :)

Still, it was exhilirating and the crowd was rather loud and supportive for both sides. My throat hurt badly after the game but it was worth it. Just being with all the other Reds supporters from the nations; knowing that there are just so many! It fostered a sense of pride and belonging; although everyone was a complete stranger. Yet we were all behind the same team, shouting, cheering and singing at the top of our lungs. It would've been better if was louder and stronger but I was glad enough. I really felt the reality of the club's anthem and motto: You'll Never Walk Alone.

I managed to video the crowd singing the anthem.

Left the stadium still feeling surreal and wished it didn't have to end so fast. To say that I enjoyed the night was an understatement. After the game, we packed the LRT station again; it was nice to see that the spirit was still so strong and even small gestures like walking up the stairs, and entering the train in packs triggered Liverpool chants. I could only smile.

And once again, some sharp-eyed people pointed out an MU fan right across the train tracks and asked him to take it off; not sure what happened though. The train was jam packed but I didn't feel frustrated as one would on a normal day; it was no normal day. We reached Sentral after half an hour and Soni picked us up and dropped Stv at the airport.

Dinner at Murni, SS2.

YNWA.

training session

Liverpool flew in from China on Thursday morning and the training session was scheduled to be at 7p.m.

I went to college to meet up with some July juniors to go for the game. Kyle drove us there. There were 4 of us in the car; the other two being Caleb who doesn't support any club and Jun Hou who's an Mu fan. Lol.

We left college at 4plus and reached around 5. The stadium was already quite packed. There were approximately 38,000 people who came for the training session as reported by the papers. Malaysia was already training when we came.

The one and only shot I got of them.

Caleb, Suman and Jun Hou

A pic with Kyle instead of Caleb.

There were so many false alarms while we were waiting for the team to come. When people stood up, everyone else followed so it was kinda funny. Oh, and for those of you who've watched the video on the Mu fan being forced the take off his jersey by the Liv fans; we kinda saw it from afar. It was right across us; obviously we couldn't see what was going on but the people behind us were pointing and saying that there was an Mu fan wearing the jersey over there. We saw many lights flashing, people moving around and guessed something was going on. You can watch the video here.

We waited till 7 and thought the team will probably be late due to bad traffic. When the first few people from the Liverpool team (not the players) came on the pitch, everyone stood and cheered. It built up till the players themselves arrived at 7.30 and by then, the noise level was elevated. The training session seemed rather intense compared to how the national team trained. There came a point during the training where the crowd started doing a Mexican wave that went around for 7-8 rounds. It was hilarious but I found it quite annoying after awhile. C'mon, we're supposed to be cheering for them and not S-S (Syok Sendiri) right? But I remembered we were Malaysians after all.

Paul Rogers, the head of content for Liverpoolfc.tv said: "I’ve certainly never seen a Mexican wave amongst fans at a training session before but then again, I can’t ever remember seeing almost 38,000 fans at a training session before"..

HAHAHA.

The rest are pictures I took of the training and a short video as well.

It ended at 9; took us half an hour to get out of the station yet it was worthwhile. It was only a fraction of what we were about to experience on Saturday. Was really looking forward to the day then.

Next post: Matchday

kl trip

Just got back from KL today. Best trip ever. Probably cause it's due to the fact that the main reason for it was to watch Liverpool play. Scheduled my Visa interview to be around the same time so I don't have to make another trip.

Went down on Thursday and went for the training session with some college juniors. Had my Visa interview the next day and it went rather well. I felt it was quite fast cause I expected more questions. Thank God it's approved though. I was telling Him I'd take it as a sign not to go to the States should my visa be rejected.... Wherever You lead me Lord.

I had two hours to kill right after the interview so I went to KLCC and Canaanland at Menara TA which was just across. Good thing there was the latter or I would've been bored wandering around the former aimlessly. I love Christian bookshops. :).

Met up with Abel and Stv at Sentral later on and Aren came to fetch us. Thanks Aren :). Had Village Park Nasi Lemak which I daresay is one of the best in the country... After that we pretty much just chilled at my aunt's place.

Full post on the game coming up.

let go, let god

Have you ever heard people say that they can't let go?

Have you ever had your friend tell you he can't let go?

Have you ever said you can't let go?

I know I have.

I'm beginning to believe that it isn't a case of us being unable to let go of someone or something that's important to us. Rather it's more of us not wanting to (despite our constant denial).

However, this stubborness isn't unwarranted. It's probably due to the deep impression the person or the event (or whatever else it may be) left on us that makes us feel that we simply can't let go. And more often than not, there is also the fear of letting go. We just don't know what's to come.

But there is an answer to it all; Him.

Hah.. I can hear some of you say... How can it be? How can you (as in me) be so simplistic; so naive.

Naive or not, I know that He is the answer to this. Perhaps to all our other problems as well. With our own strength, we might as well not try since we're doomed to fail; we'd probably be even more discouraged than when we started. But He has promised to guide us through and asked us to cast our cares on Him.

By letting go, He's asking us to let God. In other words, by giving Him the things or people we so tightly hold on to, He grants us peace instead. Grace, mercy and love. A larger capacity to forgive. The first step is to ask; is to come to Him.

I know it to be true; I myself struggled and it was only when I realized how simple it was - all I needed to do was to look to Him and trust that He would do it for me as long as I was willing to give it to Him. Simple but not easy. We must be aware of the difference or we will be fooled in thinking that it requires no effort on our part.

But God plays a much bigger role here and that we need to understand.

If only we could see, if only we could know....

The Lord declares:
"As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts."

He promised:
"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."

"With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible."

In a way, we were right saying we can't let go; not without Him we can.

Take heart. So many have gone before and so many can testify of His great love and grace. He is faithful and if you would only let go and let Him take it for you... It's hard to explain the joy that comes from resting in His abundant love.

Psalm 34:8 - Taste and see that the LORD is good; blessed is the man who takes refuge in him.

God bless. :)

never despise our brokenness

I often enjoy reminiscing the past. Especially times where I felt completely helpless, hopeless and worthless. Because those were the times He lifted me up.

It's really true that only when one goes through the valley that he experiences the presence of God most tangibly. God becomes so close that one can scarcely imagine. But the feeling is incomprehensible.

It is when the reality of this verse is experienced:
Psalm 34:18 - The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

He is the Lifter of our heads.

Troubled? Look to Him.

Worried? Trust Him.

Lonely? Talk to Him.

If its in the valley that we see Him for all He is; then let us walk through it without fear but confidence that He will see us through.

Just some thoughts. :)

purpose

Just two posts ago, I said that I've been blogging pretty inconsistently due to the lack of anything interesting/blog-worthy. I was wrong; there are plenty.

Of His goodness in my life; I have plenty of testimonies and stories to share.

Of what He's been speaking and teaching me; I cannot count.

Of His mercy and grace; I am continually amazed.

I don't care if this blog will be labelled 'radical' or too 'Christian' or boring.

I just know I need to share, more so than I've ever done.

He completes me. He fills me. He rules me.

I've got to break out and leave myself.

I remember an author saying that Vanity is the greatest enemy; indeed.

I'm coming back to my calling; You.

cure for the common life by max lucado

Max Lucado's written a whole lot of books and I am wondering why it is only now that I've read one of his.

When I initially read the description to this book, I thought it'd be irrelevant since I'm not working yet. So it was rather surprising that I found it completely applicable and insightful.

There are many self-help books out there that tells you how you can escape the mundaneness of work but Lucado's Cure for the Common Life is certainly no common guide. In fact, it rises above them all.

Lucado reveals the secret to breaking out from the ordinary routine that most people dread and it is no secret at all. The key to it is basically to:

Use your uniqueness (what you do)
to make a big deal out of God (why you do it)
every day of your life (where you do it).

And somewhere in the middle of all 3, we'll find out sweet spot. With sheer honesty, Lucado pens a very interesting book that easily captures the reader's attention. He reminds us of the Biblical truths about work and the God whom we serve. I like how he never leaves God out of the picture even in practical topics such as finding our skills and gifts. You'd be surprised that many Christian authors today often quote more secular ideas than Biblical truths. This cannot be said of Lucado.

It's the right mix of practical advice and Christian ideas in regard to the subject matter addressed. There's also a very helpful Sweet Spot Discovery Guide included that seeks to help readers discover their S.T.O.R.Y. as well as a section for personal/group reflection.

Time to pick this one up!

*I received this book free from the publisher through the BookSneeze.com book review bloggers program. All opinions expressed are of my own.*

I guess my inconsistency in blogging is due to the lack of anything 'interesting' or blog-worthy. (I'm not saying all previous entries were anything close to that).

Or is it something that comes as we age (perhaps entering into early adulthood)? That most of the things that used to capture our interest just don't anymore. Who knows.

I guess I'd come back when I really do have something to update on. Or if I get any revelations, better not to force any just to post something.

As a brief update, I'm renewing my passport tomorrow and applying for my visa asap. Going to T.Intan with mum somewhere mid-week to stay with grandparents as well as do my medical check-up. Hope I don't have any ailments or some sort. I'd definitely be cutting down on junk then.

Bye, for now. :)

p.s: I still look back and am truly amazed at how He's led me through it all.