once again

I'm at the same place once again, filled with emotions I dread, filled with thoughts I don't want to have, filled with feelings I want to relinquish. 

I can't believe that it's only now that I see, now that I realize... Is it what He's showing me? Or is it just what I perceive? 

For I know not why He allows this; perhaps He feels it will bring me closer to Him, the more I am weak, the more He can display strength. He certainly knows my weaknesses, for He challenges the very thing I promised by bringing in situations to test my word. 

God, how could You not be real? You know my heart well, you know me even more than I know myself... 

And as much as I'm afraid of being here once again, I hear a gentle whisper; a fading voice saying

"My child, trust in Me." 

Yes Lord, I will trust. 

There is nothing greater than being with You. Jesus, take over.