Exams are over, but I don't really feel free or anything. I guess it's probably because I wasn't stressed for it anyway, and didn't really do much studying compared to others. But nevertheless, I don't have to feel guilty anymore when I do everything else but read the books. Really, the pressure has come from all places, all but self. I guess it's good to some extent.

Overall, exams were alright. It was rather tricky but with Edexcel, you really can't tell. You think you do well, you'll be surprised with what you get and it works both ways. I'm a living proof. I don't have much plans right now. A-Levels aren't exactly done with. Final sem and it's over for good. I will be much more free this time around cause there're only 2 subjects left. Wow, that fast.

I haven't realized how fast its been.

And before I end, I'd like to address someOne, the One, who's always been there. You know, I really am at peace because of Him. No fear, no worries, no stress, it's all because of Him. Even during the papers, a calmness filled me from top to toe and even though there were parts where I wasn't sure, I still felt at peace. And it is not from me.

Thank You Lord, for Your love and grace. You truly are the difference in my life. And whatever may come, I surrender all to You.

amazing love

Your love
The only one that never fails
The only one that never ends
The only one that keeps me going
The only one that makes me strong
The only one that breathes life
The only one that changes
The only one that empowers me
The only one that makes me whole
The only one I'll ever need.

What love is this?

Even if I search all the world, I will never find a love like Yours.

Every time I find myself worried, I stop and look at You, and almost immediately, the worries fade away. Because knowing that You hold me and love me, is enough. Really and truly.

1 John 4:9-1o - God showed how much he loved us by sending his one and only Son into the world so that we might have eternal life through him. This is real love—not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as a sacrifice to take away our sins.

call

Today I experienced a timely reminder of my purpose. I have found my calling. What is it exactly you ask?

If you're referring to a likely career/profession I want to pursue, its still unclear. But really, whatever it is, it's only a instrument used to fulfill my life's calling. And it is none other than to serve Him.

I know not the way, but I know who guides me. And that in itself is enough.

I'm truly amazed Lord, at Your power. How You broke my pride, showed me what You're doing and want to do. The signs that were so obvious, the unnaturally fast heartbeats, the warmth, the tears. The struggle between the flesh and the spirit and the soul torn in between.

Yet You chose to reign, You chose to rule, and as You worked in me, my soul gladly lifted up to look at You. And in You, I found my purpose. As You always have been.

I won't run away from Your call. I'll trust You, yes, I'll trust You.

The Lord is faithful, always.

questions without answers

"It seems like the more I know, the less I understand."

I find it so true now.

My first paper is tomorrow today; it's Religious Studies. I was keen on taking the subject ever since I heard it was offered in college; c'mon, it's Methodist College. Although I couldn't take it in my first sem since no one else was taking it up, I managed to in my second sem. And I couldn't be more grateful.

My main reason for taking the subject isn't because I think I can ace it and get a free A (far from that really) but it's because I genuinely love it. What could be better than learning about Him? That's how I see it.

The main reason for this post is that I've realized how much I don't know and don't understand. And perhaps I never will.

For Unit 2, what I'm doing now, we have to choose a single topic, do our own research and produce an essay using our research material based on the prompt given during the exam. Of the 6 topics made available to us:

The Study of the New Testament
16 Religion and science
17 New Testament ethics and morality
18 Life after death
The Study of Christianity and the Christian Church
19 The development of the Church up to and including the Reformation
20 The Modern Period
21 Christian belief and practice

I chose the one in bold. Nothing captures my attention more than this and it has always been something I've often thought about. After reading all my past research materials I honestly feel quite lost. There's so many loopholes to the theories that people have conjured based on their interpretation of the Bible. Even within the Church, beliefs are divided.

But this cannot be a time for me to turn back on all that I've believed in. In fact, I'm inspired to continue in faith.

Perhaps I will post on what I've researched, to really give you guys something to think about.

Before I go I just want to say that our human mind can only understand so much; we will never be able to comprehend all that is in this life; especially when it comes to Him.

I surrender it all to You Lord, although I don't understand, I know that only You can reveal this knowledge to me. But more than anything, You desire that I continue trusting You. With this, I am at peace.

:)

as always

First paper's on Wednesday. People ask me how's my revision. I dare not answer.

Have 4 papers altogether; one for each subject... 19, 24, 2 on the 28th. Then I'll be back for a week and classes commence on Feb 7th...

Anyway, to answer the question; revision has been close to zero. Somehow, the more exams I take, the more relaxed I become. January exams, I started revision 5 days before the real day; June exams I was super irregular in revision; and it was around 4 days or less I started getting serious...

Now? 3 days left and I still don't feel the pressure. And I haven't started revising either.

But then again, no point worrying. Can't get back the 'lost' time. Sorry if it sounds repetitive; I know I always say this before exams start.

I know I can't take His grace for granted. And I am well aware of the possible consequences of my lack of effort. Therefore, I shall not complain no matter what. Right now, I'll see what can be done and as usual, leave the rest to Him.

He's really all I need. One day, when my life ends, all this will mean nothing. Even right now, it doesn't really matter much to me which is why I'm so laidback about it...

But I know it's such a thin line between being calm and being complacent.. I see myself leaning more toward the latter.

Oh well... Enough said.

God bless people!

What In The World Is Going On? by Dr. David Jeremiah

One day we hear of a natural disaster;

The next day we hear of oil prices escalating;

Two days later we hear of war breaking out.

In due time, one will eventually ask such a question (as in the title). This book seeks to shed light on the issues that are taking place in the world and its relevance to all that has been prophesied in the Word.

The book is nicely divided into ten chapters that cover separate issues. This makes it understandable and easy for the reader. However, the overall message of the book continues to be seen throughout in a great flow.

As mentioned earlier, this book is really for those who want to know more about the last things (eschatology) and a better understanding of issues such as the;

- The oil crisis
- The importance of Israel as God's chosen nation
- The Antichrist
- The new axis of evil

He uses a lot of references; there is no personal bias toward the subject. More importantly, he quotes a lot of Scripture and interprets the issue based on what the Word says. Prophecies by the prophets Ezekiel, Daniel, Joel (to name a few) have been comprehensively covered in view of the issue.

This book has made me realize how ignorant I have been of the things that are taking place in the world. The interest in the last things have sparked within me since finishing this book leaving me with a hunger to know and understand more. It was an interesting read from start to finish. For many people, things covered in the book might be frightful but the author remind us of the very important truths; as His people, we need not fear but live in expectancy of His coming. He exhorts us to live for Him and allow the prophecies to be a wake up call for each of us. A sub message of faith, hope and love continues throughout.

The King is coming!

A worthy read.

*I received this book free from the publisher through the BookSneeze.com book review bloggers program. All opinions expressed are of my own.*

worry ?

Exams are starting. I think the first paper for the juniors are on the 10th; and papers every few days from then on. My first's on the 19th.

Lots of time left la.... That's what I say to myself. But day by day, time passes and what have I done? Nothing. All my friends are stressing up cause exams are coming and they're afraid their preparation isn't sufficient (though most have been studying since the holidays began). And here I am, at 1% progress not even feeling anything. If everyone else is feeling stressed; then I must be the weird one.

My lack of concern is what scares me. Then again I realized; me worrying that I'm not worried is a worry itself. And I've always believed that worry is a lack of trust in the One above. If we know He's got it all in control; that our lives are in His hands; worry shouldn't be a constant part of our lives.

I'm just looking to Him right now. And almost immediately; my fears are dim... The Light is all I want to see.

through it all

I'll sing to You Lord, a hymn of love, for Your faithfulness to me.
I'm carried in everlasting arms, You'll never let me go through it all.

5 years ago (and the years before), I was naive and not knowing much; was so carefree.

4 years ago, I fell in grew to love. And it was a journey downhill. To a place of pain; one I never came across before. I couldn't understand.

3 years ago, I lost the one who meant most to me. And he never came back (not in a way I had hoped it to be). But at the same time, I learned to see and appreciate the One who was always there for me.

2 years ago, by His grace and miraculous power, the healing process begun. I finally let go.

1 year ago, I began to understand and see why He allowed me to walk through the valley back then. And I can't imagine it any other way.

Now I'm here. Completely speechless at how He's carried me through. I said I couldn't, He said He could. Yes I lost him, things never were the same again. But I gained something much more instead. I would never be here if those days never came to pass. All the tears were worth it. I look at him now and smile; knowing that He was always right. He loves me, wants the best for me. I found joy when I allowed Him to take control.

Would you?

Psalm 145:18 - The LORD is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth.

There is no pain without purpose. Look to Him.

the past year

Wanted to do a picture post but I'm too lazy to find and upload them.

The year was great to say the least.

I'll just mark out the special highlights/events/dates of the year:

January: Edexcel exams; I remember missing Pangkor trip cause I needed to start studying (6 days before exams).

February: Orientation ball; it was okay.

March: The old CF committee stepped down; served as VP for a term (April-Oct). It was pretty demanding, but God led us through it. And of course, there was such a joy looking at the fruits of it all. It's all because of Him.

April: CF Easter Rally; it was good in its own way.

May: It was a tough period; probably the toughest in the whole year. Still it can't be compared to the pain of the previous years. God truly has brought me to a deeper level of trust and resistance.

I posted this then: Now, I'm left to recover. It will take time and I know it. But more than anything, I know who I really need. Only He can heal me of the pain I feel right now. I don't feel so bad cause I know it'll be over someday.

I am over it. The healing process came even quicker than expected, as always. He truly amazes me.

June: Exams again... And World Cup... What a bad combination. Struggled to study but by His grace, I was blessed with the results that I don't deserve.

July: Semester 3 in college started. For most of my batch mates, it would be the last but not for me. BBQ Nite/McRave was held the same month. I came as Jungle Girl/Woman/Pebbles just for laughs.

August: Phase 1 begun.

September: And it ended. CF Camp from 9-12 Sept. It was amazing. He was amazing. Though I was so caught up with planning and making sure things were running as planned; as camp commenced, I soon began to see the work He was doing and I just got blown away. I was busy in camp but He still spoke so much to me. And it was a challenge for me to grow even more. To see hearts returning to Him, hearts finding Him, hearts yearning for Him - something I wouldn't trade for. Our God truly is Love. And nearly everyone experienced Him in some way. I'm sure it was a life-changing camp for many. All glory to God.

October: October 13's the day. Phase 2 began. :). Oh and CF had High Praise on the 15th; we had practices two weeks before right up till the day. It was also amazing how God moved and worked through it all. Also made me realize things. Started attending a new church, I believe He had it all planned out, unbeknown to me

November: Turned 19; had a celeb by friends at Mid Valley. Thanks again guys. Went to Sg. Congkak with friends; it was a nice time out. Took the IELTS, got rather good results. Praise God.

December: Took the SAT and results are so-so; somewhat above average. Fell abit short of what I hoped for, but I didn't put in much effort so its already better than what I deserve. Learning to be grateful in all things. He is the giver after all. Went for Youth Camp at PD, it was also good. In the sense where God spoke and reminded me about alot of things and challenging me once again. Christmas! I was busy before it cause of applications. But this year, a new Christmas hope burned within me; that its really all about Him and how we should appreciate this gift He has given to us. And that the greatest gift we can give Him in return is really ourselves - every part of us.

I can go on and on about how much He's taught me; perhaps I will summarize it in another post.

To speak of Your faithfulness in my life; no words will ever be enough...

You are faithful; always.