Just A Little

Warning: This post is not meant to be understood fully. You do not have to read any further if you don't wish to be in the dark.

As I was browsing through my past year papers, I found this written after finishing my History mid-year paper last year:
(part of it)
"I've accepted the fact and obvious truth.. but it's not gonna hinder me, cause love is not about receiving but giving."

I laughed it off... Only to realize what those words truly meant to me at that period of time.

If there's one thing we can't understand about ourselves, it's the heart.

If there's one thing I don't understand about myself, it's the reason why nothing has changed even after everything happened.

I was surprised that instead of feeling angry and dejected, I was feeling the hurt that you were going through. And I only wished that I could erase all of it, which is something only He can do.

These past months, I thought that I didn't care anymore. I thought that all I went through were what I brought upon myself. That all along, what I felt wasn't real.

But it was just a few days ago when I realized that I've been denying it all along. I've judged you based on your faults, and it can't get any worse than that.

Psalm 147:3 - He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.

Because of His everlasting, complete and perfect love, I was healed. I was restored. I was renewed. And now, what surprises me the most, is that even though I find myself in the same place I've been for the past 3 years, things are somehow different.

If they were to know the truth, I would be labeled as a fool. I would be said to be stupid. But it's something I can't deny no matter how hard I try to. I once told you that no matter what happens, I'm still gonna be there, and that's a promise I'm going to keep.

I smile, when it’s hard
Even though I’m alone, I’m happy
Though I have to watch you from far away
And you don’t walk towards me one step
Could you know, this heart of mine?