smile

There's a pain that sleeps inside, it sleeps with just one eye and awakens the moment that you leave.

Now I don't know what to be without you around.

Smile tho' your heart is aching, Smile even though it's breaking.. 

It's hard to force a smile when I'm aching inside, but I'll try... And I'll give myself a break, and come clean. It's time to be honest with myself. I need time.

I really thought I had more time; at least another 2 days but today he told me it was his last. I wasn't really prepared but what else can I do now?

I dreaded this day, cause it's not gonna be the same anymore. No matter how hard I try to convince myself, I know it won't. Memories are the only thing I have. At least I know no one can take them away..

I've learnt so much in the past 8 months. Again, lessons of love, trust and hope. That only God will never fail me, and I will find no fulfillment in any relationships beside the one I have with Him. I knew it all along, yet I often questioned.. Sometimes I felt as if it wasn't fair; well, life never is. 

Still, I thank God for everything. It's through these times, that character is formed; that faith is tested; that trust is at its highest level..

Sometimes, love is best when it's silent. It doesn't make it any lesser, it just proves you're capable of loving just the same. Even when they don't know it. 

But I honestly rather hurt than feel nothing at all. Sometimes I feel so broken inside yet I feel numb and that's when I know that something's just not right and it scares me.

He has always been there for me, always held me. Always healed me. Lord, You would do it again.. I know You will.

Psalm 27:14
Wait for the LORD; Be strong, and let your heart take courage; Yes, wait for the LORD

I will wait..