weighed down

It's one of those moments where my mind keeps planting these negative thoughts in my head about my circumstances, about people and situations I face.

I choose not to believe it but it keeps replaying at the back of my head and I can't seem to push them away.

Then I feel weighed down, and sad at the possibility of it being true...

But do I have a reason to feel like this? Should I feel like this?

I get really tired of it all sometimes. I didn't choose this path, it chose me. I didn't ask to be here, I just arrived. I didn't want to come, but I am here. And there's no turning back now... It'll take time before anything changes, yet again...

What do I do in the meantime? I will trust Him and will continue to do so. Is there really anything else I can do? The answer is a clear no...

He knows best... He allowed all these, I shall not question...

Lord You are sovereign.. How funny I should be feeling like this now; this morning's sermon was on suffering and how we should face it.... 

Perhaps the test has only begun... 

I'm holding on Lord, don't ever let me go.... You're all I have in this world. All I know that will never fail. That in itself is comforting to me... :)

short

Just a short one for now. 

Came back to Ipoh a few hours ago. Glad to be home, it's a one week break... Lots to do. 

I'm grateful. :)

Thank You Lord for all the blessings I've been given... 

And that's it for a rare super brief post from me.

Till then, blog soon!

mixed

Happy Birthday Viann! :)

Hope you had a great one. Be strong, take courage, continue to seek Him with all your heart, God bless you always. :D

Parents were in Singapore over the weekend, took my grandparents and uncle down for a holiday. They enjoyed themselves I guess. Sam was there too but he flew back, met him in Sentral, went back home first and went for dinner with parents when they reached. So glad to see them :). Dinner was at Pizza Uno at Centrepoint, pretty good. Dad said it was a treat for me. Anyway, 3 more days and I'll be home for a week.. Finally, I need a break! Sick Tired of this KL life. 

Now that I've gotten AS results, I'm afraid I might get lazier. I don't really need the grades for university applications anymore. But I'm not saying I'm going to slack or something, just got to fight the tendency. Haven't started on applications, so much to do. 24 hours a day is just not enough yet I can still be here and type this... Hah. 

They say that the more you honour God, the more God honours you. I guess its true. God is indeed faithful, merciful even to those who have fallen, to those who don't deserve it...

Well, that's why mercy is not getting what you deserve and grace is getting what you don't deserve. Everyday is a testament of His grace. I don't deserve His love, no, but He chose to love me, despite my flaws. He chose to love YOU. And if the One who created the Universe and all there is to it would love creatures like us, do we dare still see ourselves as worthless beings? 

He is Love. :)

mercy and grace

It's close to 1 and I've still got lots of things to do; I think it'll be at least 2.30 before I can hit the sacks and I've got to wake up at 5smtg.. Oh, well.

Last night, I wrote in my devotional journal "I surrender my results to You o Lord. No matter what happens, I will hold on, I will love You, always." 

So results were released today, for the A-Level exams we took in June. Honestly, I didn't even realize how fast this day would come. I didn't dread it, nor did I look forward to today. I've been quite cool about it. No feelings, not much question nor anticipation nor dismay. I had a feeling that my results would be rather disappointing, at least one or two. And I said to myself it would be alright cause I know how little I worked for it and how much effort I could've put in considering the ample time I had to study. They say God helps those who help themselves. Sounds biblical but it isn't even in the Bible. It's not entirely true cause once again, I experienced His grace and mercy.

Seeing the results slip, I felt like crying, because I am so amazed at what He does. I do not deserve it, yet time and again, He proves that even if I think I cannot do it, He can. Even when I feel I don't deserve it, He shows me grace. I've been guilty of limiting Him and saying no miracle will happen. Well, today I was reminded that they do. And He does it in His own time and way. Of course, I can't continue taking His grace for granted. I often think how it would've been if I had fared rather badly... But I know whatever it is, He has a plan, and it is perfect. 

Romans 11:36 - For everything comes from him and exists by his power and is intended for his glory. All glory to him forever! Amen.

God, You truly, truly, amaze me.. I'm in awe of You. Not so much about what I've been granted.. But because of who You are... You are so real, more than I can ever imagine. :)

jg

More pics of College's MidSummer Masquerade/Halloween Masquerade/McRave

Su Kheng as a Mime (Pics from her camera as well.) :)

 The Greek Goddess and Egyptian Queen 

Mid Valley last Friday. Started out with 15+ ppl but everyone else decided to go back instead cause they didn't wanna watch movie with us, they practically came for nothing, didn't even eat. 0_0. Anyway, watched SALT. Pretty good movie. Definitely better than what I expected.  

I tortured the guys with Fuzzy Wuzzy the whole time before the movie, it was hilarious. Hah. Till then. :)

awesome god

Hillsong Seminar and Concert. :)

Was absolutely thrilled to find out they were coming to IPOH the most awesome place in Malaysia; KL is no match!! At first I was quite skeptical about it; doubting if it was even true. Of course, I knew the main band wouldn't be coming. Wouldn't be seeing the likes of Darlene Zschech, Joel Houston, Marty Sampson, Brooke Ligertwood, Jad Gillies and the list goes on... 

I've always loved Hillsongs particularly for their God-inspired and awesome praise and worship songs. There are just too many great ones... And the songs are all written from the heart, no pretense. 

Anyway, I went back on Tuesday evening after college. Seminar was on Wed morning, concert in the night. It was simply great. The band comprised of students from the Hillsong International Leadership College, and half of the members were American alongside other nations as well. Ps. Lee Burns (College Principal) and Ps. Josh Kimes (FUEL pastor) were the speakers and they were amazing. 

As a whole, it was worth going back for it; I took the 4.40 am train the next morning and made it for classes. Just being with a large crowd, singing songs to Him, being in His presence, hearing the Word, feeling encouraged and challenged, seeing hundreds get saved; what could be better? God is just so GREAT, all honour and glory to Him!

And kudos to the organizing committee and volunteers as well as everyone else who had a part in this.. God bless y'all... Everything done for His kingdom is never wasted. 

While the offering was being passed around, God pressed upon my heart a certain amount I should give. I doubted if that was what He really wanted. But I felt peace after giving and I knew it then. :)

God is not silent, He's always speaking.. We are not silent, we are not listening... How true is that?

us applications workshop

My weekend was pretty much taken up by this event. 

It was at the Taylors Lakeside Campus yesterday and today. For both days; it lasted from 9am-6pm with only an hour break in between. Though I felt pretty tired here and there, I'd say it was worth the time and money.

I've done quite a lot of research on the U.S prior to this but I guess the workshop pretty much covered everything one needs to know to get ready for the application process. There're A LOT of things to do. I knew it all along yet I kept it on hold cause I've been so busy with college. 

For those who are interested to study in the U.S, you really missed a lot by not going for the workshop. Even things like interviews (mock ones too), essays, CommonApp and its supplements were covered extensively. The thing I remember the most and it was constantly echoed by many facilitators was that the application process is tedious and hard work but it also helps one to discover his/her true self. I'm yet to see that but I guess I will.

There were inspiring stories and encouragement for people like me who are afraid of getting bad SAT scores or have bad grades. Cause every aspect is looked at so it's pretty wholesome. And for me, I'm not going to apply to any Ivy League schools nor all those top ranked-ones. I'd go for any good liberal arts college around. 

I realize there isn't much time left; got less than 5 months to get everything done. Sounds pretty long but what with Lit coursework, college, tests and all, it's gonna be a very grueling period. I'm gonna have to take SATs in Nov/Dec too so I've gotta prepare for it too. Besides that, I need to get several forms filled, write application essays, research on colleges and courses etc. It's really overwhelming to see how much there needs to be done. And the thought itself makes me question if I can actually do all of it....

But a lot of the facilitators mentioned how at times you'll just feel like pulling your hair out and giving up in the middle of the process but you shouldn't give up cause the end will be worth it. Whether we make it to the schools we want to go is a whole different story, but even if we fail, knowing that we've tried we'll have no regrets. 

I know I don't have it in me to do all of this. But He's here for me; my source of strength and comfort. I'm really tired now, both physically and mentally from all that's been going on the past two days. But He will carry me through. 

Oh just to do Your will.. I'll try my best o Lord, and leave the rest to You... May You open the right doors, whichever they may be. 

:)

loyalty

About two months ago, when World Cup was just starting, I wrote a post on the probability of Mascherano, Gerrard and Torres leaving the club.

Mascherano's most probably leaving for Inter. Gerrard committed to stay right after Joe Cole signed for Liverpool. Torres just pledged to stay as well. He even had this to say:
"My commitment and loyalty to the club and to the fans is the same as it was on my first day when I signed. I am looking forward to the challenge ahead."

The picture that made people realize he might not leave after all..

My admiration and respect for this guy has increased. I'm not surprised though; he was always loyal to the club despite speculation from the press and his own doubts about the club. He's not going to leave the club when they need him; when the season gets tougher, when they need to rebuild their confidence after a bad season. Some multi-million deal isn't gonna attract him, unlike some player I know; need I say who. Gerrard too, is a true mark of a captain.

Liverpool isn't just a great club with a great history and great achievements; they have great players. Players who have a heart to play and go all out. Of course, they've also got great fans who've been the driving force of the club... As I said before, you stick to your club through thick and thin.

2 weeks to EPL, I'm getting all pumped up. :D

mcrave

The annual college BBQ Nite was renamed McRave this year. The theme was Halloween Masquerade which was changed to MidSummer Masquerade instead. Most people were confused bout what the dress code really was so there was a mix of everything; from scary costumes, to princesses to really random ones like Sushi King guy and whatever else..

It was funny because I was absolutely clueless on what to go as so 2 weeks ago when I was talking to Su Kheng, I told her I had no idea and she was like; JUNGLE GIRL LA. (It's my nickname in college, an inside joke) Errr... Okay. She gave suggestions like coconut shells, leaves and stuff... Lol. Thinking it would be hard I didn't really want to do it. And on Sunday I told Vicki about it and she said it was possible. So we went to shop for stuff on Tuesday and ideas came up here and there.

The event was on Friday evening. Went to change in Vicki's place and the girls helped me with my costume.. Thanks so much!

People said I look more like Bamm Bamm... Kai Yen in the background. Haha

With Shernali (Cowgirl) and Praise (Hip Hop star)

Waiting for the other pics to be uploaded on FB. This is the last college event that the whole 0907 is gonna have... Sigh... Next year we'll have our last semester without the Science people. :(

The event was not bad, and I'm glad Chicken People featured. Chicken People is a group of the July juniors, mostly all international students who did a sketch that had Justin Bieber, George Bush (an Iraqi guy, HAH) and Paris Hilton (a 'sexy' guy).. It was really hilarious and original... Not everyone thinks so but kudos to their efforts and I haven't laughed because a sketch for a very long time already..

Anyway, the dancefloor was opened after the event but as usual I preferred not to join it. Dancing is definitely not my thing. Though I missed the 'best' part of the night, I actually enjoyed my time, just hanging around. :)

Thank God for performing a miracle. It was raining prior to the event, so it was delayed by nearly half an hour. And it was still drizzling in the beginning but it stopped soon after... Isn't He just amazing?

I'll cherish every moment now. Thank You Lord for everything.