winter break

So the first semester has ended. I had a few doubts before I came particularly in relation to studies:

1. MATH. The thought of taking a Math class (only need one) was not something I looked forward to. I was never really bad at Math, but I just don't like it.

2. Maintaining a GPA of 3.3 to keep the scholarship which isn't really that high but considering the fact that the academic system here is wholly new and based on consistency, I had no idea what to expect.

Needless to say, my Math class was actually enjoyable and I aced it. My professor made it as practical as possible so all the stuff we learnt (more like revised) were useful and applicable. And as for my GPA, my mid term grades were pretty good and my final ones were even better. They were right when they said I needn't worry. Thank God. Couldn't have pulled through those late nights working on papers if it were not for Him.

Having said that, the semester was great and as much as I'd like to do a reflection on it, I'd save it for next year when my freshman year ends. It'll make more sense then.

I've been at Kathryn's place in Haverhill for a week now. Will be heading to Place of Promise tomorrow. I'm really excited about what awaits me yet a part of me's afraid of this new experience. I really wanted to do something during the winter break and I thought volunteering would be the way to go. It's a time for me to give back and not just relax. After searching for organizations to work with and contacting them, I believe God opened this door for me. It would not have been my first choice considering that the nature of the work is more challenging than if I had worked at places like YWAM or YMCA. And I know His plans are always infinitely better than I what I would want for myself. A living proof is the fact that I am here at CSC and not anywhere else in the States. I had no idea.

Anyway, a highlight of the first week of break so far is going to Boston to meet with the other friends from college. In short, we went to Chinatown, had Dim Sum which was pretty good and surprisingly reasonable. I spoke in Cantonese to the workers there and they actually understood me. Hah. We walked around Boston for a couple of hours. The pictures are all on Facebook but here's a group one:

A picture by the tree at Faneuil Hall at 2.30 p.m

Another one at 5.

Winter started yesterday but it sure doesn't feel like it. It hasn't been snowing and some people are saying this is the warmest winter thus far. Its supposed to be snowing for at least two weeks now. Apparently its coming though. We get snow in October and November but not December, its weird.

That's it for now. Christmas is coming, will post something soon. God bless you all!

close to the end

In short, the semester's over. Well not really, but my classes are.

2 final papers due and 1 exam next week and college will be done for this semester.

Been sleep deprived for the past few days especially on Monday and Tuesday. The result = slept through my alarm to miss my class which I was supposed to present with a friend. Yes it was horrible. Yes I was mad at myself. Yes I was disappointed at my irresponsibility. I usually set two alarms and I thought that I'd still get up even after snoozing the first one. Turns out the other wasn't really turned on.... My friends were telling me I was being too hard on myself, it happens to everyone. Err, maybe not when they're supposed to present? And it was my first time too. Needless to say, I emailed my professor and explained what happened. And because I've been fairly consistent in class, she decided to give me extra work for the second part of this course (in Spring 2013) instead of affecting my grade now. Thank God really.

I got over it after awhile. Learnt a good lesson and I'm not gonna let it happen again. At least this craziness is over.

To go back on all that's happened will be too long so I will not do that.

My winter break plans are kinda set now. Will be going to Kathryn's place in Mass for a week, then spend 2 weeks volunteering at Place of Promise in Mass as well; it's a Christian home for people who want to start a new life so there are all kinds of people there; homeless, sick, ex-drug addicts etc. It will be interesting, will be spending Christmas there too... And after that, I'll be headed to Brooklyn, NY for a week.

Till then!

God bless.

You're my strength, all I need

Thanksgiving was great, had a good break in Maine.

Maybe I have lost my penchant for blogging, still, I'm not going to stop completely.

A crazy week coming up with 4 presentations and 2 papers due. Final exam and papers in 2 weeks. With the amount of workload I have, you'd think I'd be crazy or stressed out. But once again, He strengthens me and gives me the grace to go through it all. Always amazed.

I'm going to be busy though, will be back when I find the time.

Winter break plans are kinda sorted out now, thank God.

Was presented with kinda sad news and it makes me wonder about a lot of things. Whatever it is, everything is in His hands and I can only pray.

Life is short, never forget that.

Let me not drift away from You but grow closer and closer till we meet...

It's always hard to think of what to say when I've been away for some time. Like where do I begin? What do I say?

I guess I'd just give a recap of the past two weeks

20th Birthday on the 1st: What I thought was going to be a quiet birthday turned out to be quite different. It fell on a Tuesday and the night before, at Christian Fellowship, they had a cake for me so we had some sort of celebration then. Thanks to Cindy and Benny for being so thoughtful. Got an email that night from my friendship family, Ed and Sue who invited me for a birthday dinner and said I could bring friends with me.

On that day itself, Ashli, Kathryn, Connor (glad they were able to come along) and I went to Ed and Sue's house in the afternoon and had a good home-cooked meal. I really appreciate the effort Ed and Sue put in, they had birthday banners put up and a cake for me as well. Along with a gift card as well as a balloon thing (really don't know what to call it).


A picture we took a long time ago, one of the nicer ones - the rest were just us with weird and random facial expressions

We came back to campus at 7plus and watched Glee at 8. Toward the end of the show, the friends brought a huge cake out (yet another one). It was a pleasant surprise indeed. I felt compelled to shout 'Best Birthday Ever'. I wasn't really joking I guess.

Overall, it was a great one. Not because of the cakes or anything like that. I guess I was just surprised that there was actually a celebration. Being far away from home isn't too bad after all. I have great friends here and I am extremely grateful for that.


20 years of faithfulness, that's what I thought about. That's what occupied me, thinking of the times He's walked with me and brought me through all the times I was on the verge of giving up. And to think that He's never left me through it all, through all my failings. His grace is just too much for me to comprehend.

Another key event that took place was the Christian Fellowship Retreat that took place on the 3-4 November. It was at this old firehouse that was converted to a very cosy place by this lady, only 7 minutes drive away from campus. It was a pretty free and easy retreat. The speakers were this couple who have their own ministry dealing with conflicts, forgiveness and reconciliation. They've been doing it for years and they were really amazing. The sessions were really practical and useful. The part I did enjoy most, aside from the sessions were the inpromptu worship session we had on the 2nd day though most people were gone by then. I can really go on about it but I don't think that's necessary.

I have two jobs right now, I was kinda worried that I wouldn't be able to get one before I came here and look where I am right now. Thank God for His providence and care.

It's Thanksgiving tomorrow and I'm at Rachel, my roommate's house right now along with XuRong (my other roommate from China). We came down yesterday after our classes and it's been really chill over here. Except for the fact that there're 2 books I have to read, 3 presentations to prepare and 1 paper to write, everything's cool. But still, I won't complain. At least I have the break. And for some reason, I have never been overwhelmed by the tremendous work load (its really crazy sometimes) and I can only attribute it to Him. He sustains me. There really is absolutely nothing to worry about.

Thanksgiving post coming up. The first :)

Let me be satisfied - in You.

There is nothing else I need.

Sometimes the truth is only in the head

And it takes time before it is truly held.

I trust in You Lord.

The Definition Of Love

One of my favorite poems to date - we covered it in Lit class last year and it always lingered on ever since:

THE DEFINITION OF LOVE.
by Andrew Marvell

MY Love is of a birth as rare
As 'tis, for object, strange and high ;
It was begotten by Despair,
Upon Impossibility.

Magnanimous Despair alone
Could show me so divine a thing,
Where feeble hope could ne'er have flown,
But vainly flapped its tinsel wing.

And yet I quickly might arrive
Where my extended soul is fixed ;
But Fate does iron wedges drive,
And always crowds itself betwixt.

For Fate with jealous eye does see
Two perfect loves, nor lets them close ;
Their union would her ruin be,
And her tyrannic power depose.

And therefore her decrees of steel
Us as the distant poles have placed,
(Though Love's whole world on us doth wheel),
Not by themselves to be embraced,

Unless the giddy heaven fall,
And earth some new convulsion tear.
And, us to join, the world should all
Be cramp'd into a planisphere.

As lines, so love's oblique, may well
Themselves in every angle greet :
But ours, so truly parallel,
Though infinite, can never meet.

Therefore the love which us doth bind,
But Fate so enviously debars,
Is the conjunction of the mind,
And opposition of the stars.

The Beginning of Winter, No ?

First snow of the year - really pretty! But not so when it gets in your face. The snow was kinda fluffy and still clean, probably won't be as nice when it gets really thick. I'm glad the weather's gonna be back to normal tomorrow. It's only been a month of fall - this is too quick!

Going to Lowell, MA tomorrow with the gospel choir for a worship conference at Whole Armour International (a church); will be singing with other choirs as well. Only for a night but it's gonna be great! And it's all paid for as well, except for some meals. Couldn't ask for more.

Here's a picture from our Back 2 School Concert last week; it was immense!

Really grateful for everything. Thank You Lord.

Be back soon.

Changed Perspectives

Before I came here, I prepared myself for the worst. I thought that the lifestyle here would be roughly similar, or at least not too different from what is shown in the media. Sex, alcohol, drugs, profanities - aren't these what most American teenagers do?

So when I came here, I began to observe. I have seen things, I won't say exactly what but it hasn't been as bad as I thought it would be. I happen to have a circle of friends that stay free from all these so I have yet to encounter wasted freaks though I know many who have. I have heard more than witnessed so its still too early to say.

But what really shocked me, that I did not expect was the apathy toward religion here. There are 1200 or so students here and the Christian Fellowship consists of 20 regular members; that's like 2% of the population. It's even worse than in Malaysia, a predominantly Muslim nation and this is supposed to be a Christian nation; how can this be? I know there are certainly more than those who come to CF, but I am convinced it will not even reach half of the population.

I found out sometime ago that New Hampshire is the least religious, least churched state of all States. And at that moment, I asked Him "Why did you send me here? Are You sure I'm at the right place? At a place where people don't care about religion. Where people are cold toward You? Where people are not praying, where people are not going to church; even those who call themselves Christians."

In class, a few of my classes actually, we cover certain literature and some have a lot of Biblical references and I am usually the one to expose them and answer any questions pertaining to that. Some of the Americans do know, even the non-Christians about the most basic stuff but nothing more than that. I think its ironic, that this foreign person would come in and talk about Christianity, a supposedly Western religion as its named. But later on I realized, its not ironic but it is the way it is and this is exactly why I'm here, because God has a mission for me. Do I go and evangelize them all? Of course not. But I know He's called me to take a stand for Him even in the littlest of opportunities that I'm granted and to be a light in the darkness. It is not easy, with so many temptations lurking at every corner. I hear swear words being spoken every single day, I know people who sleep together, I hear about people who sleep around, I see people getting drunk, I know people who take drugs. I am repelled by the lifestyle and honestly, it saddens me. These people need God, they really do.

I feel that there's a huge burden placed on my heart right now for the people here. For the people who don't find the need for God, who don't know God. Even for the Christians who don't really follow Christ. For the Christians who only pray on Sunday and live as if God didn't exist on every other day.

I was talking with Cindy yesterday and she told me something that I felt God was trying to tell me through her. So before I came, I had it in my mind that I was going to come here, go to CF and serve and grow in the Lord. I was going to find a church that I would feel comfortable in, I was going to find a group of strong Christian friends that I can relate to and pray with. I was going to receive spiritual food.

But He said: "I've given you so much, you have been feasting. Now you go and feed."

It couldn't be clearer. Am I in the wrong place? This spiritually dead, town, region where Wealth and Intellect are the gods. A people that are resistant and doubtful about God. I know its not a mistake.

I came here to get an education, a degree, yes. But I came here for a far greater purpose - to do His work.

Life would not be meaningful if we were to live it for ourselves, if we were to seek pleasure and chase after our own dreams. It is only when we live for Him that we find meaning.

I wish to continually say what Jesus himself said that:

John 4:34 - "My nourishment comes from doing the will of God, who sent me, and from finishing his work."

I still fail now and then, but He picks me up. I am not perfect and never will be, but His grace gives me the power and strength to do what He wills.

To God be the glory.

the best day

I just remembered I haven't written about what happened the other day that I called one of the best days since I've been here.

I went to church, Wellspring Worship Center in West Lebanon, where Cindy who's the International Student Advisor as well as the CF Advisor. She and her husband, Benny, are strong believers and I just started one to one meetings with them recently, thank God for them really. Anyway, it was the church they regularly attended and they got a van to take some of us there.

Lee Grady, a journalist, author and a speaker spoke that morning and God worked through him. Somehow everything about the service just appealed to me; the worship, the message, the altar call, the post altar call worship... Lee spoke on praising God no matter what circumstance we're in and he took it from how David encouraged himself in the Lord. It was a timely message. I've been to a couple of churches but that morning, the service just made me feel so much at home, right there in church. And I couldn't be happier.

I got a double portion of the Word as Lee also came to speak to us at college. Technically it wasn't in college, but the Baptist church just right beside the college. I wished more students had turned up; there were probably 10-15 students at most and the other half were people from the town but numbers became irrelevant later on. The message was really different from what he preached in the morning; it was about the Father's heart and how our father's weaknesses and flaws often affect the way we view God. For example, if one has an alcoholic father, the person might look at God to be unpredictable and this will impair the relationship.

Needless to say, I was touched that night and was ministered to. God did amazing things not just in me, but in many people's hearts that night and healing took place. It's just great to know that we serve the same God who never changes and that in itself is something to thank God for. How great He is!!

Words were said to me that night that I will probably never forget. Hope arose in my heart that sometimes doubts, sometimes questions... But He reminded me that He had so much more and that it was only the beginning...

How could it not be the best day? God showed Himself, God spoke and God healed.

I was reminded, despite the many emotions I felt that night, that He wants me to trust Him, irregardless of my feelings.

The Lord is good, always.

Where To Begin

I've been away for so long that I really don't know where to start. What exactly do I say? Here comes a very jumbled up post.

Had one of the most 'stressful' weeks last week. I put the inverted commas because the word stress is somehow foreign to me. The amount of workload I had last week was crazy; there was a paper due everyday. And procrastination did not help me. Thank God I managed to get through all the craziness without a nervous breakdown. I've seen so many people around me complaining, looking so tired and overwhelmed. God has been gracious and merciful, He's been my strength, as always.

The fall break came just in time after that and it ended on Tuesday. Classes resumed on Wednesday and now its the weekend again.

One of the most amazing things happened last week: My roommate accepted Christ. God definitely answers prayers. And the way He just moved her is still something I find unreal yet I know it is simply because that is who He is.

God has been speaking to me as well, through various people and circumstances. I feel that this HAS to be in an entirely different post so I shall retreat to that now.

Barely Here

I wonder if anyone even reads this blog anymore. (I'm not trying to sound pitiful here just so you know.)

My inconsistency and long absences from posting here does not indicate that I have no time at all. Well, I'm not as free as I was but I know I could spare the time to post here if I want to.

I'm not sure if its due to the loss of interest in blogging that I'm doing this. Then again, I'm not exactly disinterested, maybe just not interested enough. Seems like college is turning me to into a paradoxical freak.

I have conceded however, in the course of typing this post (I never have a plan when I first begin) that I will continue to keep this blog alive even if its only for myself.

I feel that the days of 'what I did today along with a thousand descriptions' are gone.That's not to say I'm never gonna inform on what I did or I will not be me. Maybe I'm entering into a more contemplative, reflective phase of my life that always existed but never really dwelled in.

So with these musings I shall now end, I really do have a lot more to say, should've said and will say..

I'll be back here, soon. My constant repetition of this makes it much less believable but I'm serious this time around. The word soon itself means differently to everyone anyway.

God bless you all. Love.

Your 100 Day Prayer by John I. Snyder

Your 100 Day Prayer is a useful devotion as well as prayer material. The author describes it as a "guide to your own 100-day prayer, where you will bring your issue before God every day for this 100-day period." Since it is a prayer adventure, it is not easy to fully describe what the book covers. The format everyday is the same. A Scripture is given, a few paragraphs on a certain topic followed by a prayer for the day. There is also a section called 'Today's Progress' that leaves space for notes or our own prayers; a very helpful section indeed.

Some of the topics that are frequently covered in the book include Waiting on God, Faith, Persistent Prayer, Hope and Joy. I have often come across relevant topics to the things I face and God has used the prayers and words of the book to speak to my situation. I certainly think its a good book especially for those who find it hard to pray and don't really know how to begin. Wherever you are in your spiritual walk, this will still be a good book to have or give as a gift.

There are a lot of Biblical truths and Snyder gives a lot of great insights to things. One of the quotes I couldn't help to pen down is: 'So keep this in mind when you are praying for the things you want and need: if you do not receive what you ask for now, you've lost nothing, because in th end, you will have than you ever dreamed.' Snyder often reminds us to continue having faith despite the circumstances we go through and to fix our eyes on God. In this age of uncertainty and upheaval, God is certainly the only One that we can fully trust and this is what Snyder speaks of.

Definitely a book worth reading and more importantly, applying to our lives. The meditations are not lengthy too so it won't take much time a day for those who find it hard to focus.

God bless you should you choose to embark on your 100-day prayer! I've certainly been blessed.

*I received this book free from the publisher through the BookSneeze.com book review bloggers program. All opinions expressed are of my own.*

Had the best day today (more like yesterday) since I came here. Will post about it in another. The next two days will be extremely stressful (because I procrastinated) and I'll be back after it's all over. Till then!

Your love is enough.
Your love is EVERYTHING.

Loneliness

Loneliness- is like a disease
It plagues you once in awhile when you least expect it
When you thought all was well,
When you thought you were fine
And that you didn't need a doctor.

It creeps on you, slowly
And soon enough you feel it
You want to get rid of it
But it doesn't just go away
Sometimes it stays longer than you wish it to.

What can we do?
Do we complain?
Do we question?
Do we stop trusting?
That He will make us well again
That He sees our pain
And will heal us completely
And provide the cure to our loneliness
But no matter what we think will satisfy
There really isn't anything that can cure us of it

None but His love...

Lord, You are enough for me.
I'm trusting in You Lord
You know so much better
I'll wait Lord, I'll wait....

I feel my faith rising as I call upon Your name

Will find the time somewhere this week (I hope) to update on what's been going on over here... Till then. Praise God for His providence, grace and mercy.

The States Thus Far

I'm just so grateful to God that I'm here...

There were a few adjustments I had to make and am still making but overall its been great. I'm just gonna go through a couple of things I've experienced etc. Condensing everything into a single post is not easy, it turned out longer than I wanted it to be but oh well.

1. The flight was surprisingly good. It went without a glitch. My flight was a day after Hurricane Irene and because so many flights were cancelled during the weekend I was expecting some huge aftermath as well. Turns out, there were no delays and absent-minded me didn't make much blunders. Thank God. I was tired after the flight and it was painful to sit for so long especially during the 2nd (11 hour flight). I had 3 flights; KLIA - Narita, Tokyo, Tokyo - Chicago, Chicago - Boston. Altogether including transit time was 28 hours. Pretty long huh. But God sustained me through it all.

2. The families I've met here, two in particular. One is a local couple. The wife is originally from HK and the husband's from here. They hosted me for a night because my friendship family (every international student here has one) wasn't around when I arrived. Anyway this couple was really nice and their house was just beautiful. Most of the houses in the area are! Then I met my real friendship family as well and just last night I went to their home and had dinner with them. They are so nice too. Both families are Christians, how wonderful is that. God is certainly bringing people to help me keep my feet on the ground. I can't ask for more.

3. The orientation both International Student Orientation and the freshman one was great and not too taxing. There were talks, activities etc planned everyday so I was quite busy but there wasn't anything too bad and I enjoyed it. Got to know lots of people through it as well.

4. The residence hall I'm staying in is more than I could ask for. Its a substance free dorm so there is absolutely no alcohol allowed and even if a person staying here comes back drunk, should he be caught will be charged with internal possession of alcohol. The state law is that no one under 21 is allowed to drink and drugs are absolutely prohibited. Its a rather safe place I daresay. Of course there are those who go agaisnt these rules but its hard to fine. Just need to mix with the right people and no problem would arise. Just last night a few parties were busted so its kinda interesting. This is America indeed. But on the contrary, my hall is probably never gonna host any of these parties for obvious reasons and its not really loud too so its super chill. And most of the people are really nice too which ties in with my next point which concerns

5. The roommates. I have 3 of them and initially I thought it'd be a problem to get privacy and all that. And if there's a bad hat among one of us its gonna be a huge problem to deal with for one year. So far (I hope it'll remain this way) things have been great. We don't have any personality clashes and no one's really dirty so its fine. We try to accomodate each other as well when one needs to sleep etc. Not everyone is always in the room so there is privacy at times. One of my roommate's a Christian and I'm so glad God answered my prayer (and hers too) for another. She's pretty solid in her faith I daresay so its great. There's a girl from China as well so its nice to have one from the same continent if not country. Hey, I'm Chinese too.

5. The friends I've made. I've met alot of people but not all of these people are my friends. I was told that most Americans are friendly but not deep and it seems to be true. Some people, you just can't get past a certain stage and its just a superficial friendship. Even a 'How are you' when you past each other doesn't mean much which to us Asians is like 'seriously'? But anyway, I've made a couple of friends (most in my residence hall) who are really nice and are not up for all those partying nonsense as well. Some of my other friends I've made aren't that 'innocent' so to speak but I'm not gonna be judgmental and I still accept them as they are. I'm glad that at least they are accepting enough to mix with someone different and they don't have any problems with that. But they're nice as people and its fun being with them as well.

6. The food is fattening. Haha. Well I'm trying to have a balanced diet here and its all Western food though sometimes there are international dishes as well. But its not too bad and sometimes its really good so no complaints!

7. The weather. It gets really chilly sometimes and without a sweater, I'd be really cold. But its still bearable. Its sunny in the day but its still cold with the wind blowing, definitely colder than Cameron's on any normal day. It was raining for a few days as well but I'm glad that season is over now. It's not fun walking in the rain with the COLD wind blowing right at you. Grrr... I don't want winter to come! (I'd like to see and feel and play with the snow but thats all! I sound like a kid now. Haha) The winters can last up to 5 months here. o_o

8. The classes. I've had a week of classes and I'm already having a couple of reading and writing assignments. Participation is vital in college and it affects your grade if you don't speak up. Thankfully I haven't had much of a problem saying things now and then. The professors are good so far. The only thing I have to do is time management and make sure I complete my assignments on time or I'm gonna suffer, badly. Oh and for this semester I'm taking:

A Pathway class (its like a course where we do in our first semester and then a continuation in our sophomore year that is a requirement for our education here).
Sociology
English
Math
Writing (mandatory for all freshmen)

I'm happy with the classes I'm enrolled in as well, I chose all of them. :)

9. The Christian Fellowship. I've only been to one meeting last Monday, a pretty small group but it was nice. Shared some testimonies and I talked about how God calmed the storms in me about coming here etc. Its not really the same as the CF's I've been involved in but what does it matter. As long as we serve the Lord, it doesn't matter how we do it. As long as He is glorified. As long as the gospel is being lived out. But the people are great and its so much more personal and close-knit. I went for a leadership retreat today and it was super chill. It was at a house just by beautiful Lake Sunapee. You can Google that =p. Glad for the new spiritual support group I've found, may we continue to walk and shine for Him in this place.

10. The campus. Its small but not TOO small. It takes around 15 minutes at most to walk from one end right to the other. Which is good especially during the winter when you wouldn't want to be walking much. Its just the perfect size. And its so green as well. The campus is pretty old so the buildings aren't too fancy but its still nice.

11. The town. New London is a beautiful place. A quaint, peaceful town. Trees are everywhere. Not many people live here so its not busy at all. The shops are along the side of the roads, mostly isolated buildings which makes it really nice. The pictures are all on my FB. Only walked into town once, no time yet. But I've got 4 years to explore as much as I want so yea. There's absolutely no public transport here so getting around won't be too easy but its not too hard either. Once in awhile the college vans leave for Concord, the capital and my friendship family offered to bring me shopping at other places when I need to so no problem with that. Also, my roommate has a car. Heh.

Overall, I would say I'm glad. I believe God had His purpose in allowing me to come here. And though I was initially fearful of so many things prior to coming, everyday He's showing me more and more of His grace and releasing me from my fears. Instead, He bids me each moment to draw near, to depend on Him and Him alone. He tells me that my only refuge, my stronghold is Him and its with Him I am able to overcome every challenge. I know the days ahead won't be easy and I have my concerns. But because I have Him I am strengthened and I am not afraid.

He leads me, I follow.

Lead me on, Lord. You're all I have, You're all I need.

And I love you guys :)

I've been away for awhile. In the States now, been here for a week. Lots of things to say but I'll keep it for later. I'm alive and well. Things are great. God is faithful, God is real. That's all I need.

2 more days. I'm not sure what I'm feeling just yet.

Why God Won't Go Away by Alister McGrath

Atheism is not something new, but the New Atheism is something that has been on the rise in recent years. McGrath's book gives a clear background on the New Atheism movement. A very informative, thought-provoking read. The New Atheism, as I learnt from this book is not the typical disbelief in God that atheism holds. It goes far beyond disbelief to mockery of God and religion in general. It treats religion as if it were some disease that one needs to get rid of. A New Atheist views religion as the main problem in the world today. Simply put, all religion is evil. As scary and negative as it sounds, McGrath exposes the nature of the New Atheism and the cause they believe in.

But he doesn't stop there. In well-categorized sections, he explores the different themes related to the New Atheism and argues agaisnt the invalidity of their arguments. For those who have The God Delusion by Richard Dawkins, this book also has a few counter-arguments against Dawkins' ideas that are convincing. You always need both sides of the story. However, he does not get personal and uses alot of other references to back up his views as well.

I was expecting a strong defence of Christianity in particular since McGrath is so well-versed in Christian theology as written in his book of the same title. But the main purpose of this book is to really expose people to the New Atheism. In that case, it has served its purpose well. Kudos to McGrath who once again, writes in such a compelling way. I have much respect for the way he structures his arguments. Although his views are mostly countering that of New Atheism, he does not publicly put anyone down. What a contrast to the New Atheism writers who have attached many leading advocates of religion. My favourite sections were the ones on reason and science being inadequate to answer all of life's questions. I also personally loved the ending of the book. One will only understand when one reads.

If you're interested in knowing about the New Atheism, this is the book to read. Even if you're not, the book still does good in reminding us that religion will simply not fade despite there being many who do not believe. For us believers, we can rest assure, that God will not go away.

*I received this book free from the publisher through the BookSneeze.com book review bloggers program. All opinions expressed are of my own.*

amazed

Results came out today. And once again, as I always have said, I am grateful to Him. I know it is solely because of His mercy and grace, not because of my ability nor effort.

I still cannot understand why but He beckons me to continue trusting and relying on Him because that is where I find strength.

I thought some of the papers were rather hard and I thought my response was ever worse. Needless to say, what I got exceeded my expectations.

I don't really bother actually but for the sake of my lecturers, the college, and my parents, I was just hoping I won't fare too badly, not daring to ask for more than what I deserve.

Lord You amaze me again and again.

A new journey is just beginning. All I know is that You're leading me. I will follow.

Thank you, Lord, thank You. Not because of what I've received but because of who You are. That You've been with me through it all and You will never let me go.

Take heart. There's so much more to life than the now.

We were made for so much more.

It Starts Again

Went to T.Intan in the afternoon. My uncle wanted to treat before I leave. Meals in T.Intan = seafood and its always great. Really grateful.

The EPL's season begun, finally. It was quite dull without any games going on for the past few months; it's much more exciting now. Yet I always have mixed feelings in regards to Liverpool particularly because I just want them to at least get into the top 4 but competition's getting tougher and tougher every season. Just wish the best for them. :)

Disappointing start yesterday, only managed a point. But a point's better than nothing and seeing how Sunderland came back in the second half with so much more energy and determination, I guess they deserved it.

Still, YNWA. Go REDS!

I wonder how I'll keep up with soccer in the States. If I even have the time. The timing's gonna be really weird though. A 3pm kick-off in the UK would mean I'd be watching it at 10am compared to 10pm here. But as weird as it may be, its much more feasible.

I'm thinking it could be just 'weird' because I'm not used to it.

Food for thought: Have you ever done something and when someone (usually from a different ethnicity) ask you why and the only answer you can give is 'because that's how we do it?'

There's much more to that and I'll talk about it some other time. I read a really interesting book on deep culture and thought it'd be interesting to share. :)

Till then!

feelings

Feelings - they can never be trusted.
I've gone through the cycle again and again
And it all ends up the same.
Gone as if it were never there.
In fact, as I look back at most
I can only ask myself why it started
Yet not understand.

I'm here once again
And it's been awhile at that -
That I've been free from any attachments
Free from the feelings
Sometimes there's pleasure tied to it
When you think of the person ever so frequently
You wonder what he's doing
And if he ever thinks of you
Yet at the end of the day
You only sigh to know
That everything is just in your head
It will never be a reality
The truth certainly hurts.

I want to remind myself of these worthless infatuations
Because when I enter this phase again,
The same illusion begins.
It will seem so important yet turn into
Nothing at the end of the day
How do I tell what's real from what's not?
How do I stop the feelings when it comes so fast?
The answer is not to stop
But not to let it rule
The heart will want to follow
But we are all left with a choice.
The best thing we all can do
Is to submit our feelings
No they won't go away
But He'll take care of it, He will.

When I'm at it again, I'll remember
How it'll all come to nothing once again.
Even if it were to grow into something more,
I'll let Him guide me.
And I'll see what I've never seen before.
Something so beautiful only He can conjure.

I have one desire now - to live a life of reckless abandon for the Lord, putting all my energy and strength into it. (Elisabeth Elliot)

Nothing else matters. Not my plans, nor my hopes and dreams. I don't have them, or they're all being molded to His. At least, its what I hope will happen eventually as I grow closer and closer to Him.

Let Your will be done.

singapore

Just got back from Singapore this morning. Went there on Friday. I'm too lazy to go through the details so I'd just mention a few of the highlights of the trip;

- Festival of Praise 2011. Fri and Sat night. New Life Worship was amazing and worshipping God along with thousands of people was so uplifting. There were moments where I just stood there totally in awe and loss for words just imagining what it'd be like in heaven one day where everyone will worship Him in spirit and in truth. Such joy indeed. John Bevere, known for authoring great Christian titles was the speaker and he was a solid speaker. Thank God for using and speaking through him.

- Chilling, eating, walking around, going here and there. Need I say more?

- Just spending time with the brothers. :)

I'm grateful I was able to go on this trip. Thank You.

I decided to revamp my blog and what you see right now took me nearly 2 hours. I still want to add more stuff but this'll do for now. I've been using layouts made by other people but since Blogger has a new layout editing feature (for quite some time now), I thought I'd try it out. :)

I've exactly a month left and I'm not ready to leave at all.

Really don't know what else to say right now so till then.

God bless. :)

what might be

I want to expound on what I said at the end of the previous post.

Warning: The following might be sensitive in pertaining to religious beliefs. Everything I write is my own thoughts and I do not intend to offend anyone.

It scares me to be honest, to wonder what will become of me as a person in 4 years time. Its a cause for concern to think that my faith might be challenged to the point where I might not be sure of what I believe in or be shaken that I might leave it for good. I dare not imagine it and I pray for His mercy.

All along, He's been with me and I know He will continue to be with me. But I'm now opening myself up to the possibilities of my faith being openly challenged.

I know I might not have the answers that would please those who enquire why I believe in the first place. All I know is that I know He is true, the how and why I cannot prove but one does not need to see in order to believe despite the notion that seeing is believing.

For me, 'Believing is Seeing'. And not seeing with one's eyes but one's heart knowing the truth.

As Paul writes in 2 Corinthians 4:3-6 - And even if our gospel is veiled, it is veiled to those who are perishing. The god of this age has blinded the minds of unbelievers, so that they cannot see the light of the gospel of the glory of Christ, who is the image of God. For we do not preach ourselves, but Jesus Christ as Lord, and ourselves as your servants for Jesus’ sake. For God, who said, “Let light shine out of darkness,” made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Christ.

Somehow this post turned out totally different from what I had envisioned it to be; what I had intended to write... But perhaps this is what the Spirit is guiding me to do.

Months ago, I came across a passage of Scripture when I was afraid of possibly giving in to the temptations of this world when I enter a very different place. Who can tell?

But He encouraged me through this:

Psalm 119:9 - How can a young man keep his way pure? By living according to Your word.

That is what I long to do. And I know only He can empower me to do it.

In You I place my trust.

I was in KL yet again over the weekend for the US Apps Workshop for the second time around and as a facilitator this time around. The facilitator group was made up of those who studied/ are studying/going to study in the States. You can read about my previous experience here.

When I read it over, all I can say is Wow.

Many people talk about how tedious it is, how they had sleepless nights and often felt like they didn't want to go on. I have to admit I did feel kinda tired sometimes during the application process and there were times I asked why I'm even doing it. But I never felt that I couldn't go on because I knew He would carry me through. And I can only thank Him, never enough but I thank Him anyway.

The workshop this time around wasn't that mentally exhausting since I didn't really have much information to process. I was in charge to speak along with two others for the Financial Aid portion and though I was initially unsure how to go about it, He filled me with peace and I guess it went okay.

But more than that, I would remember the people I met. I barely knew any of the facilitators yet over two days, I made lots of new friends and there are those whom I hope will continue to be close to although we'll be dispersed all around the States. And I realized what a small world this is having met so many people I have mutual friends with!

One thing that struck me during the workshop was when some facilitators shared how the US experience really opens up one's mind and changes the person to think differently or at least look at things widely.

I'll post my feelings on that in another post. I'm done for now.

Thank You.

you'll never walk alone

16th July 2011; a day to remember indeed.

Stv and me went to Starbucks at Amcorp Mall while waiting for Abel who was at Urbanscapes near Asia Jaya. It was 3plus by the time we left and reached Masjid Jamek where he had to switch trains at 4. We were surprised to see the huge crowd lining up to buy tickets. Of course we knew many would go for the game but we didn't expect so many at the station at that time.



We reached the stadium just in time for the match. Stv initially bought RM58 tickets for us both and we were supposed to sit there. But I received 2 grandstand tickets from a church friend who works in Standard Chartered. I'm really grateful. We sat there and it was quite a good view though during the second half it was quite difficult to see the action taking place at the other end (where most of the goals were scored) since we were closer to the other end. Still, it was more than what I could ask for and it was amazing. 20 minutes into the game, the people around me started looking to the back and we realized it was an MU fan. They started shouting and asking him to take it off. It was a white guy this time and he aggravated the fans when he kissed the MU crest. Seriously? I was anxious for them to stop looking and focus on the game which happened shortly after the scene.

The 80,000 crowd

I expected the crowd to cheer more throughout cause I felt it wasn't as loud as it could and should be. Support for the national team exceeded my expectations and I guess it was a good thing cause I wasn't really contributing any. Not that I'm anti Malaysia or anything, far from that really. But like it or not, I was and am all out for the Reds and that's it. I have to admit I was rather impressed at how the national team played against a very relaxed Liverpool. I'd give them the credit for their hard work and persistence. But even against an under par Liverpool performance; it clearly wasn't good enough. The fact that the score ended 6-3 says everything. I found it amusing how the Reds were so relaxed throughout the game; it was evident in the way they celebrated goals (or lack of) and maintained such a cool composure even when 'threathened'. They weren't really complacent and still played at a wholly different class. I thought the 2nd half was much better though; the team played better together. Aquilani and Kelly stood out for me. Even players like Ngog, Poulsen and Shelvey who are usually on the bench played really well.

The match was exciting from start to finish though the most 'kan cheong' (suspenseful) times were after Malaysia seemed to be on the verge of a comeback (good thing they didn't). But I really thought Liverpool had better be on their feet or they might end up equalizing, which were just irrational fears of mine. Obviously they had the upper hand, no question about it.

The players during the half-time break

Lap of honour after the game :)

Still, it was exhilirating and the crowd was rather loud and supportive for both sides. My throat hurt badly after the game but it was worth it. Just being with all the other Reds supporters from the nations; knowing that there are just so many! It fostered a sense of pride and belonging; although everyone was a complete stranger. Yet we were all behind the same team, shouting, cheering and singing at the top of our lungs. It would've been better if was louder and stronger but I was glad enough. I really felt the reality of the club's anthem and motto: You'll Never Walk Alone.

I managed to video the crowd singing the anthem.

Left the stadium still feeling surreal and wished it didn't have to end so fast. To say that I enjoyed the night was an understatement. After the game, we packed the LRT station again; it was nice to see that the spirit was still so strong and even small gestures like walking up the stairs, and entering the train in packs triggered Liverpool chants. I could only smile.

And once again, some sharp-eyed people pointed out an MU fan right across the train tracks and asked him to take it off; not sure what happened though. The train was jam packed but I didn't feel frustrated as one would on a normal day; it was no normal day. We reached Sentral after half an hour and Soni picked us up and dropped Stv at the airport.

Dinner at Murni, SS2.

YNWA.

training session

Liverpool flew in from China on Thursday morning and the training session was scheduled to be at 7p.m.

I went to college to meet up with some July juniors to go for the game. Kyle drove us there. There were 4 of us in the car; the other two being Caleb who doesn't support any club and Jun Hou who's an Mu fan. Lol.

We left college at 4plus and reached around 5. The stadium was already quite packed. There were approximately 38,000 people who came for the training session as reported by the papers. Malaysia was already training when we came.

The one and only shot I got of them.

Caleb, Suman and Jun Hou

A pic with Kyle instead of Caleb.

There were so many false alarms while we were waiting for the team to come. When people stood up, everyone else followed so it was kinda funny. Oh, and for those of you who've watched the video on the Mu fan being forced the take off his jersey by the Liv fans; we kinda saw it from afar. It was right across us; obviously we couldn't see what was going on but the people behind us were pointing and saying that there was an Mu fan wearing the jersey over there. We saw many lights flashing, people moving around and guessed something was going on. You can watch the video here.

We waited till 7 and thought the team will probably be late due to bad traffic. When the first few people from the Liverpool team (not the players) came on the pitch, everyone stood and cheered. It built up till the players themselves arrived at 7.30 and by then, the noise level was elevated. The training session seemed rather intense compared to how the national team trained. There came a point during the training where the crowd started doing a Mexican wave that went around for 7-8 rounds. It was hilarious but I found it quite annoying after awhile. C'mon, we're supposed to be cheering for them and not S-S (Syok Sendiri) right? But I remembered we were Malaysians after all.

Paul Rogers, the head of content for Liverpoolfc.tv said: "I’ve certainly never seen a Mexican wave amongst fans at a training session before but then again, I can’t ever remember seeing almost 38,000 fans at a training session before"..

HAHAHA.

The rest are pictures I took of the training and a short video as well.

It ended at 9; took us half an hour to get out of the station yet it was worthwhile. It was only a fraction of what we were about to experience on Saturday. Was really looking forward to the day then.

Next post: Matchday

kl trip

Just got back from KL today. Best trip ever. Probably cause it's due to the fact that the main reason for it was to watch Liverpool play. Scheduled my Visa interview to be around the same time so I don't have to make another trip.

Went down on Thursday and went for the training session with some college juniors. Had my Visa interview the next day and it went rather well. I felt it was quite fast cause I expected more questions. Thank God it's approved though. I was telling Him I'd take it as a sign not to go to the States should my visa be rejected.... Wherever You lead me Lord.

I had two hours to kill right after the interview so I went to KLCC and Canaanland at Menara TA which was just across. Good thing there was the latter or I would've been bored wandering around the former aimlessly. I love Christian bookshops. :).

Met up with Abel and Stv at Sentral later on and Aren came to fetch us. Thanks Aren :). Had Village Park Nasi Lemak which I daresay is one of the best in the country... After that we pretty much just chilled at my aunt's place.

Full post on the game coming up.

let go, let god

Have you ever heard people say that they can't let go?

Have you ever had your friend tell you he can't let go?

Have you ever said you can't let go?

I know I have.

I'm beginning to believe that it isn't a case of us being unable to let go of someone or something that's important to us. Rather it's more of us not wanting to (despite our constant denial).

However, this stubborness isn't unwarranted. It's probably due to the deep impression the person or the event (or whatever else it may be) left on us that makes us feel that we simply can't let go. And more often than not, there is also the fear of letting go. We just don't know what's to come.

But there is an answer to it all; Him.

Hah.. I can hear some of you say... How can it be? How can you (as in me) be so simplistic; so naive.

Naive or not, I know that He is the answer to this. Perhaps to all our other problems as well. With our own strength, we might as well not try since we're doomed to fail; we'd probably be even more discouraged than when we started. But He has promised to guide us through and asked us to cast our cares on Him.

By letting go, He's asking us to let God. In other words, by giving Him the things or people we so tightly hold on to, He grants us peace instead. Grace, mercy and love. A larger capacity to forgive. The first step is to ask; is to come to Him.

I know it to be true; I myself struggled and it was only when I realized how simple it was - all I needed to do was to look to Him and trust that He would do it for me as long as I was willing to give it to Him. Simple but not easy. We must be aware of the difference or we will be fooled in thinking that it requires no effort on our part.

But God plays a much bigger role here and that we need to understand.

If only we could see, if only we could know....

The Lord declares:
"As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts."

He promised:
"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."

"With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible."

In a way, we were right saying we can't let go; not without Him we can.

Take heart. So many have gone before and so many can testify of His great love and grace. He is faithful and if you would only let go and let Him take it for you... It's hard to explain the joy that comes from resting in His abundant love.

Psalm 34:8 - Taste and see that the LORD is good; blessed is the man who takes refuge in him.

God bless. :)