OB Night

I wanted an answer from myself; that night; I got it.

OB Night was on Thursday at Renaissance Hotel. Since we already paid a whole sum for Student Activities Fee in our 1st semester; it was 'free' for us. The January batch had to pay RM60 for it. But I think it was worth it.

Sam came down to KL on Tuesday; was around for a few days. So he fetched me to and back from Renaissance. Thank God for him. Heh.

Anyway; we got caught in a jam just a short distance away from the hotel; the traffic lights were working but the traffic police were taking charge so we got stuck there for nearly half an hour. Thought I was late but turns out I wasn't. Registration didn't even take 5 minutes.

Briefly; the event was for all A-Level and Ausmat students along with the lecturers and staff. The only formal event of the college; mainly for welcoming the new batch and also for the seniors who will be finishing this semester.. Sad. Anyway; it started at 7plus with performances; awards etc. Dinner was at 9; food was great though I didn't eat much.

The awards were then given out; congratulations Gamma ppl; you guys were great and I think you all deserved the prize money though competition was really tight and other teams performed equally well too. LOL.

Then there was the dance for the Best Dressed Male and Female, OB, July and Freshie Kings and Queens to dance. Amos and Eunice; Thank us; we voted for you!! =p

After that, the dancefloor was open but obviously I didn't join in. Eric pulled me to where they all were but I walked back to where I was. Haha; just doesn't work with me. Most of you know dancing is one thing I cannot do and I don't intend to learn it either. I think there's only one Dance I'm good at. At least that's what you guys say. =D

Had much to think about that I spaced out for quite awhile; didn't even know what was really going on. Nevertheless I still enjoyed the night and I think most people did too. It was a good event; the Student Council did a great job planning and running the event. Kudos to them. It officially ended after the King and Queen dance but the dancefloor was open all the way till 12. So most people went back then; I waited till around 12.30 till Sam came; he had a few friends in the car; we went for Supper at Petaling Street. By the time we got back it was almost 2; but the journey was quick.

Glad I managed to get some pictures taken that night; will just put some up here. And thanks again Conty for lending me your camera. =)

With Eric; our new Student Council President; so proud of him. Haha; he's a Korean btw.

Wei Ren; Shu Jian and Brian from March intake =)

2/3 of the Gamma Girls.

Mei Xian :)

Wei Han, he wanted me to look tall.

Picture of the Night

0907, you guys rock!

I won't run away from it any longer

i need a reason

To believe that this may be true

The truth is always there; it's whether we want to accept it or not.

Yet there are times; everything is so vague that you can't tell what the truth really is.

What do you do then?

Ignore me.

So college has been alright :). OB's this Thursday; I guess most are quite hyped up about it; and me? Not really I guess; though I have some 'missions' to accomplish that night. Not exactly missions la; just something I want need have to do. Time is really running out.

For Moral Studies; 50% of our marks will come from the projects we do. First up will be the CNY Celebration next Monday and then Games Carnival for the children in a few week's time. Basically; each group has to come up with something for both events. For CNY, my group planned on doing a skit; we thought since we had the 'best' actors, we'd be fine.. But then again; when you've got too much talent on hand, things get lame.... Too lame. But we can't back out; we have to at least try and see if it gets approved.. Just hope things don't turn out too bad; or we'll just end up selling stuff instead.

I don't know what to think. I hear those stories; then I wonder if it means anything. Then I realize it's better to just leave it as it is; I can't afford to repeat the same mistakes. But there's just one thing I want to know; who is it really?

I'm desperate for Your touch; never needed it so much.. Cause all I want is You.

it is you

And it's time to face the truth; I will never be with you.

I thought it was over
But I guess sometimes we overlook things
We push away our feelings
Hoping to find a break from it
Thinking maybe; just maybe;
It would be better to think
It wasn't there in the first place

Then in an instant; everything could change
And we end up where we started.
But wait;
Cause it feels different now.
Looking at you no longer hurts
I can accept it now.

How did this happen?
It has to be You.
It is You.
Who else can mend a broken heart
Who else can fill up the emptiness one has
Who else can love with a love that would never run out

Just a few months more; that's all that's left
I'll hold on...
I'll be there
Just hope you know..

dreams

They come to life.

I've always had this dream. People ask me what I want to be; deep inside I already know what I want. But I don't say it; cause a long time ago; it seemed too far away. As if it was asking for the impossible. So I surrendered it to Him; hoping and believing that if it was His will; it will happen in time. Who am I to chase after my own dreams. I want His to be mine; not pray that mine would be His. And so; I never really thought about it anymore...

But these days; I've had thoughts. That it may be possible. Maybe not in the near future. And then I realize that what matters more is using what He's given me for His kingdom. It's not really about what I become; but rather who I'm serving with all I have and do.

So having dreams aren't always a bad thing. Being a dreamer's alright. But we must be willing to give them up if those aren't what He has planned out for us.

Then now I'm thinking alot; about what's been happening recently. Still I thank Him though I do not comprehend. At least I know He does.. =)

follow

Weird things happened today; really weird. I still can't take some things in. It's just TMTH. But I have to anyway. Speaking of which; it feels like my life is becoming more dramatic lately. I didn't ask for any of this. Still; it's not something I can choose.

I don't actually have much to blog about. I'm just happy; really I am. Though there are certain things that are leaving me confused; still not sure what I should do. And compared to most people; I have not decided what I want to do in the future. It serves to be something to worry about; at least it is common. I find no such thing however. Maybe I should get worried; its my future after all. Wait; let me take that back. I shouldn't worry. My life is in His hands. My future is in His hands. Need I worry? I don't know where to go or what to do; all I know is that He will lead me and I will follow...

you make me smile. :)

You're all I need.

You're everything that I live for; I'll follow after You.

people...

Last night; we visited a relative at their place at 10plus. Spent nearly an hour there. Went in two cars; I went in my uncle's. We went back first. I was upstairs with my dad; he didn't go with us; wasn't feeling well. Then my mum came up and called us to check out the car.. We suspected someone threw a stone or something on the rear window cause it was shattered.. But it didn't break.

Tell me this isn't scary.

Me and my mum were sitting at the back and I was praying it wouldn't break or anything. Thank God it didn't and we had a safe journey back. And my dad found out the person who did it used a brick; cause we saw some marks left on the car.. Sigh; people nowadays..

Anyway, CNY celebrations were alright. Didn't really feel the hype this year and it's probably because of the short holidays. It was a nice break though; just relaxing; eating, snacking and doing nothing. Tomorrow; it's back to college. Till then!

blame

ENG HOE IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT!!!!!!!!!!!!

I shall stop smiling like an idiot.

Ignore me.

So I'm back in Ipoh. Planned to finish all my work tonight; and as expected; I haven't even touched it. There's always tomorrow.. Right...

Will be going to Teluk Intan on Sunday; no more time!! CNY seems really short this year. Maybe it's just because of the holidays; or lack of it... Nvm. I shall be grateful....

And I have no idea what's going on now. Really; I just don't. But I'm still gonna trust.

not afraid

Going back tomorrow morning. My CNY holiday's is till next Tuesday. Pretty short I would say but better than nothing.

College as usual; during my 10 am break on Tuesday, I went for brunch with some of the juniors. I do feel old now; though they're only a year younger. But the senior/junior term itself implies something. Not like it really matters. Hah. Went to a place near college which I've only heard of but never actually been to; and the food was nice. They were surprised I haven't even been there (cause there isn't really much good places to go around college) and asked me what I've been eating for the past 7 months; sounds so sad right.. LOL. Anyway, glad they brought me there; at least there's a new place to go to now.

I've realized many things; that some things in my life just won't change; that people I thought wasn't so important to me anymore turned out to be really important. Really took me by surprise. Had auditions for OB night today; was okay I guess; at least there wasn't any major blunders.. I really thought I couldn't do it when it was nearing cause of something; but God was faithful; prayed and as much as I was afraid; I felt at peace.. Such a great feeling to know He was holding me. And thank God for all my friends who were so supportive. The band changed so much, song choices, members, up till yesterday, we weren't even sure what song to do. And we planned to do with a full band; but just today we decided to just go acoustic; since so many bands did that and it turned out pretty alright. And then it was just down to me and Marian.. Thank God for Vicki and Joyce too; the 4 of us stayed back in college yesterday to figure out what to do. I nearly wanted to just pull out; since it was so hard to decide. The chances of actually getting chosen to perform is close to zero since they only want 6 out of like 25 performances? But then again; we're in for the fun, and it really doesn't matter what happens after that. So there's another chapter of a college experience that's closed; leaving me with no regrets. Oh, and I just have to say once again I'm thankful that it didn't really affect the whole thing.. Had anyone suggested it a day ago; I would've freaked out. Cause I really didn't think about the possibility.

I'm back at where I began; well not exactly but somewhat close.. I shouldn't have looked past it too fast. But it doesn't matter anymore cause I already know the answer. Maybe I was too afraid to face it. And no; things won't be the same. My heart's been healed. The scars still remain; but His love has completed me. His love has filled every need inside me; leaving nothing empty. And because of Him, I now have to courage to face it, to face the truth. And I don't know why, I feel happy deep inside. Even though it might just end up hurting again; I know He won't be too far away. No, not only not too far; not only near; but with me; right where I am..

And I just realized what I typed speaks not just for one situation; but two. Indeed; He is faithful..

why worry

If there's one thing we humans are good great at; it's worrying.

From the simplest things like what we should eat, what to wear; to the more important decisions like where to study; what course to take to the even more important decisions like whom to marry and what to do with life..

Then in between all those are the trivial decisions we make; be it at home, in college, at work..

It's only human that we worry; that we feel anxious.. But it should never come to the stage where it blinds us to God; where it makes everything else seems so unimportant; where we can only see our worries and things we're concerned about..

It would soon become our idol since it takes the place of God himself... That you can no longer see what God can do; that you no longer trust in His might and power; that you think you know better when really; we don't know anything at all.

Before it gets there; we must put a stop to all these worries. How? It comes so quickly. The truth is found in the famous verse:

Philippians 4:6-8 - Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

It takes faith to believe in His word; and even more to live by its truth. Since He told us not to worry; why not trust? As He also said in Matthew 6:27b - Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?

Also, His peace would be with us... We might never fully understand His peace but know that He wants us to experience it.. That being said; we might never comprehend how He can bring peace to a certain situation in our life that might seem so overwhelming; but not understanding it does not mean we cannot or won't experience it.

'No matter what your circumstances are, turn your anxiety over to God and let His perfect peace guard your heart.'

I must admit I have not fully mastered the art of not worrying and turning it all over to Him. I am after all; only human and normal... But I've realized worrying will never do me any good; and too much of it is taxing sometimes.. I know that He cares for me and requires for me to trust Him.. And that's what I long to do.

Must get the focus off me and my problems; I look to the Cross.

some things don't change

I am sorry; I really am..

I know you won't see this, but I guess it makes me feel better to just let this out...

When I look back at the past; I still remember all the tears I cried; all the hard times we went through. All the pain I bore; all the weight I used to carry. You blamed me for carrying it alone; but I knew that with your help; the pain would be even harder to bear. And so I tried..

You never seemed to understand how much I care. You never did really thank me for the things I did. Sometimes I wonder if it was even worth it; giving so much yet never getting anything back. And when you spoke those words; I felt as if everything was just a lie. It all came to nothing.

You told me you needed time and soon enough we got over it. I got over the hurts; you got over your anger.. And things slowly began to fall back into place; nothing hindered us from being friends again. I simply loved the feeling; that I no longer needed to be afraid; I no longer needed to worry how things would be.

We never kept in contact much ever since things changed; but still I was grateful it was no longer strained. Maybe my feelings have changed; I realize you weren't the one I really wanted.. But if there's one thing that didn't change; it's how important you are to me. I cannot deny that you were one of my closest friends; one whom I really cared about and perhaps cared for me..

I still think of you sometimes. I still miss the times where we used to be so close. It won't be that difficult to get back to those times; but maybe our different lives are drifting us apart.. It's sad when I think of it sometimes..

I do love you; not in that sense; but I do care for you so much more than you know. Please remember that I'll always be here for you; no matter what happens. I can still be the friend you lean on; if you'd only let me; especially now when you need someone to be there.. But maybe things have changed too much.

I'm not too far away. :)

all in one

Went to IKEA with aunty for breakfast.. 99cents only for noodles. And there's free coffee from 9-9:30. :). Had a pretty satisfying breakfast; walked around in Curve awhile while aunt went to get her stuff; went back at noon. Then I decided to join the guys at Mid Valley; since I had no plans for the day anyway.. By the time I reached it was 2plus; had lunch; walked around till 4plus and that was pretty much it..

Watched the derby; the match was LONG. 11 minutes of extra time for the whole game and I was doing a countdown during the last few minutes. Too tensed already. Thankfully; they didn't concede and got 3 points.. =).

College has been alright; so much better than I expected. I dreaded coming back again but I guess things have changed now. I should've known the feeling wouldn't last once I get back to 'reality'. I have Him to thank for..

This semester's time-table has changed quite alot. I have at least 1-2 hour breaks everyday. Fridays used to be my favourite; had only 2 classes then; and CF. This time around; my Fridays are fully packed. I can only go home at 4:30/5:30 everyday. But I shan't complain. There's always the bright side..

I've been trying to sort out my feelings lately. Lots of things have happened; some things have changed; some have not. Commitments I made are being tested; and I have to say it's not easy. But I know I can't compromise on them; no way.. It's gonna be real hard; but I know He shall be my guide.. Then there's the normal confusion that threathens to affect my mood; I force myself not to hope for the fear of being hurt again. I don't even know if that's possible.

Psalm 27:1 - The LORD is my light and my salvation--so why should I be afraid? The LORD is my fortress, protecting me from danger, so why should I tremble?

I shouldn't be afraid.

of issues and doubts

It feels weird somehow. Like everything's so blurry and I don't know where I'm heading to.

I don't want to succumb to the emotions I used to feel; to the normal preoccupations and assumptions I'm proned to make. If I want things to be different; if I don't want to end up repeating the same mistakes; if I don't want this to be another heartbreak, then I can't possibly walk the same path again. I don't know how not to; it's not easy.. But I know it's not impossible.

I realize too that the more we know; the more it confuses us sometimes. Everyone claims they know the truth; everyone says that the truth you believe in are all lies. What do you do then? It's scary sometimes to think that sometimes doubts still come in and I begin to question all I've ever believed in; all I've been living for. I don't doubt Him; never did. He's too real for me to deny. Yet some things are still so unclear... Debates about certain issues.. Denominations with different beliefs; different perceptions. That I come to a point where I question all I've known...

But if there's one thing that won't change is how I feel about Him. His love is too great. And even as I'm asking Him questions; I know I won't get all the answers... The question is do I trust Him enough? To know that He is the truth. And that's all that matters..

Lord, I need You to guide me to the right path... I don't know what to do about these emotions; these feelings. I just know that surrendering them all to You is the best thing I can do... After all; You deserve all of me.. I have nothing in this life that I can claim as my own; it's all Yours. My heart truly belongs to You.