not afraid

Going back tomorrow morning. My CNY holiday's is till next Tuesday. Pretty short I would say but better than nothing.

College as usual; during my 10 am break on Tuesday, I went for brunch with some of the juniors. I do feel old now; though they're only a year younger. But the senior/junior term itself implies something. Not like it really matters. Hah. Went to a place near college which I've only heard of but never actually been to; and the food was nice. They were surprised I haven't even been there (cause there isn't really much good places to go around college) and asked me what I've been eating for the past 7 months; sounds so sad right.. LOL. Anyway, glad they brought me there; at least there's a new place to go to now.

I've realized many things; that some things in my life just won't change; that people I thought wasn't so important to me anymore turned out to be really important. Really took me by surprise. Had auditions for OB night today; was okay I guess; at least there wasn't any major blunders.. I really thought I couldn't do it when it was nearing cause of something; but God was faithful; prayed and as much as I was afraid; I felt at peace.. Such a great feeling to know He was holding me. And thank God for all my friends who were so supportive. The band changed so much, song choices, members, up till yesterday, we weren't even sure what song to do. And we planned to do with a full band; but just today we decided to just go acoustic; since so many bands did that and it turned out pretty alright. And then it was just down to me and Marian.. Thank God for Vicki and Joyce too; the 4 of us stayed back in college yesterday to figure out what to do. I nearly wanted to just pull out; since it was so hard to decide. The chances of actually getting chosen to perform is close to zero since they only want 6 out of like 25 performances? But then again; we're in for the fun, and it really doesn't matter what happens after that. So there's another chapter of a college experience that's closed; leaving me with no regrets. Oh, and I just have to say once again I'm thankful that it didn't really affect the whole thing.. Had anyone suggested it a day ago; I would've freaked out. Cause I really didn't think about the possibility.

I'm back at where I began; well not exactly but somewhat close.. I shouldn't have looked past it too fast. But it doesn't matter anymore cause I already know the answer. Maybe I was too afraid to face it. And no; things won't be the same. My heart's been healed. The scars still remain; but His love has completed me. His love has filled every need inside me; leaving nothing empty. And because of Him, I now have to courage to face it, to face the truth. And I don't know why, I feel happy deep inside. Even though it might just end up hurting again; I know He won't be too far away. No, not only not too far; not only near; but with me; right where I am..

And I just realized what I typed speaks not just for one situation; but two. Indeed; He is faithful..