moving

I'm gonna move to this place soon! :D

For those of you who don't know, I've been staying at my aunt's place in SS5, Kelana Jaya since I came to KL in July. Aunt used to drop and pick me from the LRT station but toward the end of last semester till now, she doesn't anymore. So I take the bus and then LRT to KL Sentral and it's a 10 minute walk to college from there. Travelling's quite a hassle sometimes, but gotten used to it.

I guess its high time to move out now. No personal reasons. But to be honest, I guess the stress that's come from being home alone with the dogs and all the sleepless nights is just telling me it's time to go someplace else. Time to be really independent now. 

So, I'll be staying at Pelangi Utama, 15 minutes walk away from 1Utama. Sam's friend stays there and her parents bought it, she's really nice for letting me stay there. Said I didn't need to pay rent but of course it isn't nice like that so my mum said we'll pay a fixed price to at least cover the electricity and stuff. It's still cheap whatever it is, compared to renting a room anywhere else. College accommodation is 700 for a single room a month! 550 for triple sharing I think... Really expensive. The only drawback here is that transport will be even more troublesome. I'll have to walk much more and take the bus instead, and journey times will be longer. But I guess it'll be worth it. There's the awesome pool and gym (not that I'm gonna use it). Hah. I've seen the place once, looks really comfy. Thank God for such a blessing. 

Apart from that, I guess things have been alright. Mood swings here and there but I've learnt so much and I'm grateful for all that's happened. I will never understand, I don't have to. My trial results are okay, seeing that I didn't really put any effort into it, last minute studying again, I guess it's not so bad. Again, it's all because of His mercy and grace. I must put effort, keep telling myself that and it makes me wonder when I will actually study hard. 

2nd Leg semi's later, fingers crossed. Hope to see another comeback! Please, please, please! And the Chelsea game's on Sunday. Seeing that the chances of getting 4th place is only like 5% or so, I rather we lose, and hope Chelsea gets the title. Anything but Manure!! My dislike for them is extremely justified, many would agree. Then again, how ironic is it that the Scum is depending on Liv to win the game so they can win the title? It's as if their fate is in the hands of the enemy? Oh, and I can imagine what will happen. MU fans watching the game, cheering Liverpool on, and if they win and if MU eventually wins the title; they'll turn to us and say; HAHA, Liverpool s*cks. How typical.

Sleepover in college's tomorrow. :). It's been a tradition of the CF committee to have sleepovers for discussions. When I was in the previous committee we had 2 sleepovers; one for semester planning and the other for easter. This time, we were so close to not having one cause of certain things. May God be with us through everything. 

CF's premiering Come What May tomorrow; do come!! 

Till then.

I know it'll be okay, You promised me. I shall not settle for less, You only want the best for me.

the word

You said You would never leave me nor forsake me.

Joshua 1:5 - I will never leave you nor forsake you.

You said You will hold me with Your right hand.

Isaiah 41:10 - So do not fear, for I am with you; 
do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

You said that You are my strength, and will ever be.

Psalm 28:8 The LORD is the strength of his people, 
a fortress of salvation for his anointed one.

Psalm 13:5-6 - But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation. I will sing to the LORD, for he has been good to me.

Indeed, He has, and will continue to be.

Faith, is taking God at His word, trusting that every word is true; that He will accomplish whatever He says He will... Do we have this kind of faith? 

The beauty of His word, cannot be described. It is more than enough. A source of encouragement, a source of strength. We are refreshed by His word, renewed and transformed.. It's not enough to know it, got to live and believe it.

Just a reminder. God bless. :).

HE IS FAITHFUL.

the greatest love of all

I can't believe that I could be so stupid.

To think that perhaps it would happen.

Deep inside I knew there was something wrong about it

It just couldn't be true.

So much for wishing, hoping.

Cause right now, reality's slamming itself in front of me yet again.

How many times do I need to go through this?

It just won't be. It can't.

There's nothing wrong with me.

It's just the way things are.

I wish I didn't see it; I wouldn't have thought about it.

I'm confused. 

I thought I accepted it already;

Why then, does it still hurt?

I'm sorry Lord, for feeling like this again. I trust You with my future, my dreams, my desires. I know that all things just brings me back to You. In this world, only You will ever satisfy. I will hold on, though I feel as if I've fallen so far, I'm slipping away. But You pull me up again, back into Your loving arms. I've never known anyone who could love me so much, and no one ever will measure of to You. 

The greatest love of all is here.

i wish i knew

My aunt finally came back today. Such a relieve to know everything's coming back to normal now.. Decided to follow my mum and Sam back tomorrow; though it's only for one night, but I need a break.. 

And I'm really relieved now cause my Lit coursework is finally completed. Handed it today; don't wanna think about it anymore. I know it isn't my best, I can do so much better. But I'm glad enough that it's over. 

I surprise myself. For the past month, or maybe even two; everything was kind of repressed, that I just felt numb to it. But all of a sudden, everything's coming back. I just read something; and I honestly wish it's what I think it is, I'm not sure. Then again, even if it's true, what's the point? Time's not on my side.

I still feel it. But I know that one day, it's gonna be alright. I'm gonna be okay... He's going to heal this heart of mine; broken dreams, unfulfilled hopes, will be made whole in Him. I'd continue to trust... No matter how hard it will be.

The countdown begins..

can't always get what you want

I woke up, confused. I thought you were slipping away only to find out that perhaps it was only what I hoped would be and not what is. 3 weeks and I would have to say goodbye - but I don't want to.. Just realized.

Three things I've recently got hooked on to; (Not exactly recent, more to current/recurrent)

1. American Idol, not as bad as when I followed it like anything in Season 7, but I barely followed last season and this time, I'm back at it again. Crystal For The Win; I like Siobhan too.. And Aaron. And Casey. 

2. Glee. The show's nice.. Interesting characters and the covers are amazing. :). To the point where I find the original version fall by far in comparison. 

3. Football. Just kidding!!! You would know it's always been part of me. Torres is out for the season. 0_0. There goes. Fingers crossed. 

I'm actually supposed to be rushing to finish my Lit coursework and I planned to since 2 hours ago and nothing's done. The reason? Trials are over; will be more free after coursework's done with this week. 3 weeks more to the end of the semester; then it's just coming back for exams.

I really needed a break from the noisy DOG. There are 3 right now but 1 is just extremely irritating. So I stayed over at Soni's place on Sat night after dinner, and after church the next morning we went to Mid Valley. She wanted to go for the Career Fair so I joined her; and everyone has to sign in and get a sticker to enter. So I had many people asking me if I was looking for a job or something. Lol. And I bought Jason Castro's debut CD yesterday too!! Was waiting to get hold of it ever since it was released on Tuesday. Bought it from Rock Corner and they said that it was the only CD they had, so that means I'm such a big fan to grab it first. :D. So far I'm liking it. They included his Hallelujah and Over The Rainbow too, songs he made popular on Idol.. Check it out.

And the best news this week; Stv's flying down on Wednesday; it's been nearly 4 months since I saw him. Mum and Sam will be coming on Wednesday too; can't wait!! That is perhaps, the only thing I'm looking forward to, besides waiting for my aunt to come back and the Home Alone with The Dogs Drama will end. It is a drama I tell you!

Stress was never in my Dictionary but I've been using the word quite frequently these few weeks. Then again, I guess I'm not that stressed compared to most people but for my standard, it was tough. The past week especially. And He has continued to provide me with strength... I'm just so grateful.. 

Strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord.

the greatest love of all

"Do you trust me? Am I not enough for you?"

I hear His voice, a gentle whisper.

To be honest sometimes I look at other people who seem to be so happy; who seem to have got it all; friends get together and it makes me wonder; will that ever happen to me?

I've been through so many hurts, so many painful times and at times I wonder why; do I really deserve it? Some people just seem to have it so easy. I still don't fully understand but I'm grateful anyhow.

Then I look at the Cross; seeing how much he suffered for me, he Died for me.. What more could I ask for? I have everything I need in Him, all I ever wanted; is Him.

I can lie to myself, thinking I can be happy once I find that 'love' - but I have already found it and not realize... Sorry Lord, that I have constantly forget what You mean to me. Nothing I want more than to please You, even if it means giving up my own dreams.. Nothing matters more.

At times I feel weak too; I look at others and ask "Why Lord?" And He simply answers "You're not anyone else, I have a plan for you." And as a child, I quietly wait on Him.

At the end of it all, I'll know it'll be worth it. To wait, without losing faith.

reason

Just a short one for now; won't be posting any elaborate posts till Semester Exams, better known as Trials are over.

Had a rather bad sleep last night cause of one of the dogs; who kept barking from 4am; blah.

Easter Rally was today, and I think it worked out much better than what we expected; or maybe it's just me. He's just so amazing. I believe it was the prayers; and God responded. He is always waiting; to hear us call upon Him. The event went rather well; few salvations, more rededications. But it was never about the numbers. Praise God for His mercy and grace...

Nothing's impossible. With Him. I still feel like it's so funny; like I don't know how it happened when the chances were so low.. Maybe He had a purpose for it? I don't know what it is; I'm still trying to figure it out.. I don't believe it just happened. But wasn't I here before? And what came out of it?

I'm still not sure now.. It's confusing sometimes. And as much as I want it; I know He knows better, and for that alone, I surrender.

All my dreams and hopes are in You.

I finally found the reason for living
It’s in giving every part of my heart to Him
And all that I do every word that I say
I’ll be giving my all just for Him, for Him

I'll hold nothing back.

sick and tired

It's only the first day and I'm already sick and tired of this.

My mum was here on Monday and she left yesterday evening; I'll be home alone till she comes back again on Monday for another few days. Basically, I need to clean all the dog mess and gross stuff; the smell can kill; it's so disgusting I don't even want to remember. I was never a dog lover and now I detest them more. Came back at 7plus today; spent nearly an hour making sure the place is clean. I'm just sick of everything. Not one to complain; if you've been following my blog for some time, you would realize the last time I actually complained was about the same thing; being at home alone with the dogs... Sigh.

And it's always during my semester exams. Can't wait for it to be over. But I know this is a time I have to be independent. You see I don't mind being home alone; not at all; but having to take care of the 3 dogs isn't easy and it drives me nuts. One of the dogs woke me up at 6am today; for NO reason. I just feel so angry sometimes. Isn't it weird I always lose patience with dogs and not humans.. Tell me I'm normal.

I guess I've complained enough; sorry for all of that. Just felt like letting it out. It's a relief though to know He's with me every step of the way; and when I feel tired, I can be strong again in Him. There's a place I can go to when I feel weary; He's everything I need and I love Him. :)

Easter Rally's tomorrow. Hope everything goes well, but more importantly, hope hearts will be touched.. By His grace.

stress

With all the things going on/about to; I should be burned out!! Thankfully; He supplies my needs and continually supplies me strength. Thank You Jesus. :)

There's much that's going on. My aunt left for China this morning for 3 weeks; mum's gonna come for few days every week and the rest of the week; I'd be home alone. Good thing there're only 3 dogs at home compared to the 6 and she was gone 6 weeks last time too. Her friend used to drop in and help but she can't really this time so I'll have to do all the dog stuff. To be honest, I'm not looking forward to the next few weeks; not at all.

Trials are next week and of course I haven't studied. I won't be Serene anymore if I'd started; at least not the one you know. Even if I want to, Lit coursework is demanding much of my time, brain power and energy. Some people wonder why I'd put up with all the stress; it's the most demanding, stressful and most people agree, toughest subject. But the reason is cause I really like the subject though I always thought I was gonna struggle through. Thankfully, it isn't so bad.

Gotta work harder, so much to finish up right now. Been slacking alot this semester and I know it. I'm present for classes but half the time I don't even know what's going on; then I forget what I learn. Sounds bad I know.

I'll need Your mercy and grace to pull me through this period though I have done nothing to deserve it. I don't even dare hope.. Will You surprise me again? I'd do my part, at least I'll try. I don't need anything/anyone else.. You matter most.

desire

Been away for a week. Couldn't go online since Monday, my laptop just won't co-operate. Was kinda worried cause had to do Lit and hand in as much as I progress, thankfully my lecturer was understanding and she allowed me to submit it next week. Thank God. :). Back in Ipoh now, that's why I can come online, gonna set up some stuff with another laptop and it will be alright then.

The past week has been rather crazy. Not sure why; maybe it's because of the events that happened. Treasure Hunt was on Saturday, 27th March and I think the event went rather smoothly. Instead of participating, I ended up volunteering as a Marshall and was stationed at Bkt.Bintang Monorail Station, just below the stairs. Stood there for 3 hours, wasn't as bad as I expected. In fact, it was quite fun la... I have no regrets not entering, too lazy to go around KL when I don't even know anything bt it. Hah.

We had a mini-performance/Easter meditation session on Thursday where a few of us sang a few songs. Mr.Michael Moey got us to do it and we sang Days of Elijah, Amazing Love, Above All (sang a duet with Aaron Anand) and Amazing Grace.. My favourite was the last song, where we started off with the normal version and then it changed to an upbeat one, Aaron's original, he's an amazing singer... The best in the college I daresay. Though I couldn't really go for practices and we were kinda worried about it, thankfully it was okay and hopefully people were blessed.. To God be the glory..

It was also the week where I thought through many things; the past, present and possibilities of the future... I realize that some things don't change. Caring for someone, it doesn't stop, no matter what the circumstance, love does not change. We often acquaint strong feelings and dismiss it as love. I never believed that you can 'fall in love'. The term itself is so misleading. You can't fall in love, you grow to love a person, and when you do, it's accepting and loving them for who they are, not who you want them to be. Feelings can be absent, yet love remains.

And when feelings are there, there's the tendency to over think things. A small thing becomes big. It's not easy trying to keep everything under control. But Elisabeth Elliot said that "When we have committed desire to Christ, the desire does not necessarily fade but it no longer dominates." How true is that? Too often we condemn ourselves for having irrational thoughts, unnecessary desires, emotional bursts... But have we forgotten that it is only human and instead of blaming ourselves, shouldn't we use these things to draw closer to Him instead? We are weak so that He can be the stronghold in our lives. If everything went our way, there wouldn't be a need for God...

There're still things I'm not sure of, worries I have... But nothing will come out of worrying. I'm depending on Him for strength which is much needed.. When I am weak, then He is strong. He gave it all for me, He only deserves all of me, nothing less...