desire

Been away for a week. Couldn't go online since Monday, my laptop just won't co-operate. Was kinda worried cause had to do Lit and hand in as much as I progress, thankfully my lecturer was understanding and she allowed me to submit it next week. Thank God. :). Back in Ipoh now, that's why I can come online, gonna set up some stuff with another laptop and it will be alright then.

The past week has been rather crazy. Not sure why; maybe it's because of the events that happened. Treasure Hunt was on Saturday, 27th March and I think the event went rather smoothly. Instead of participating, I ended up volunteering as a Marshall and was stationed at Bkt.Bintang Monorail Station, just below the stairs. Stood there for 3 hours, wasn't as bad as I expected. In fact, it was quite fun la... I have no regrets not entering, too lazy to go around KL when I don't even know anything bt it. Hah.

We had a mini-performance/Easter meditation session on Thursday where a few of us sang a few songs. Mr.Michael Moey got us to do it and we sang Days of Elijah, Amazing Love, Above All (sang a duet with Aaron Anand) and Amazing Grace.. My favourite was the last song, where we started off with the normal version and then it changed to an upbeat one, Aaron's original, he's an amazing singer... The best in the college I daresay. Though I couldn't really go for practices and we were kinda worried about it, thankfully it was okay and hopefully people were blessed.. To God be the glory..

It was also the week where I thought through many things; the past, present and possibilities of the future... I realize that some things don't change. Caring for someone, it doesn't stop, no matter what the circumstance, love does not change. We often acquaint strong feelings and dismiss it as love. I never believed that you can 'fall in love'. The term itself is so misleading. You can't fall in love, you grow to love a person, and when you do, it's accepting and loving them for who they are, not who you want them to be. Feelings can be absent, yet love remains.

And when feelings are there, there's the tendency to over think things. A small thing becomes big. It's not easy trying to keep everything under control. But Elisabeth Elliot said that "When we have committed desire to Christ, the desire does not necessarily fade but it no longer dominates." How true is that? Too often we condemn ourselves for having irrational thoughts, unnecessary desires, emotional bursts... But have we forgotten that it is only human and instead of blaming ourselves, shouldn't we use these things to draw closer to Him instead? We are weak so that He can be the stronghold in our lives. If everything went our way, there wouldn't be a need for God...

There're still things I'm not sure of, worries I have... But nothing will come out of worrying. I'm depending on Him for strength which is much needed.. When I am weak, then He is strong. He gave it all for me, He only deserves all of me, nothing less...