deceit

Jeremiah 17:9 - The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?

Like it or not, we are selfish people. We are all hypocrites in some way or another. We say we should be like this; but we don't act like it. We say we're doing something for a reason but actually we're doing it for another... And because our heart is full of deceit; we so easily get confused...

I don't trust my heart; never did. Don't ever want to. Cause I know where it'll lead me if I follow it blindly with no discretion. My heart can cause me to do things I never thought I could. To go along with what I feel and that's about it. And before I know it; I'll end up saying and doing things I'll regret. They say follow your heart... I say don't believe it.

What do we trust then? It's not what but rather whom... No question about it. The only thing that lasts in this world; as I have discovered; is His love...

I do not want to say much about what happened today; only a few of my closest friends know what took place.. And thanks guys for being there; you know who you all are.. I feel so much better now; though my eyes are tired already. But it's a relief somehow. :).

He comforts me, more and better than anyone can.. I always knew that. Every time I feel upset; I just cry it out to Him. And the feeling is amazing...

So, I was upset, I was disappointed. I was hurt to a certain extent. Though I kinda prepared myself for this quite some time ago; even though it was only this morning I muttered a prayer asking Him to break and give me the humility and grace to accept what was to come.. True enough; the test came and I feel I must live up to what I promised... I cannot do it on my own; and it's now that He will strengthen me cause all my strength has gone.

FYI, this is nothing to do with anyone in particular; unlike the usual.

But yea, all I know right now is that He has a purpose; there is a reason this happened; that He allowed such things.. I asked for His will to be done; will it be right if I complain now? If I don't want to be selfish; I must see the bigger picture... One day; all this will come to pass. All I know of now, all I can see, all that I want... I don't care what my 'human' side tells me; I don't care even if I still feel it's totally unfair; I don't care if I didn't get what I feel I deserve to; cause I've always said it was all for Him and it will continue to be. And if my heart is out for Him; none of this should matter. I will not blame myself for feeling this way though. He will guide me through.

Lord, please remind me once again, that this is all for You... And despite what I may feel; I know well enough that You're all that really matters. My heart will trust.