a year

It's been a year of college. That fast. So I've got another one to go, but it really feels as if the months have just gone by without me even realizing..

I think most of you know that this wasn't the plan. It's amazing how He work things out but yea I'm here. Sometimes I still wonder how it would've been if I went to Sg instead; what would it be like; what kind of friends would I have; what problems and circumstances would I face... And there are the few times I wish I didn't change my mind... 

But to think of it right now, I cannot imagine myself being anywhere else. God has a plan and I trust Him. Though half my college time has gone by, I know there's another half left. I've made mistakes, I have regrets in my one year here. There are things I wish I could undo, words I wish had gone unsaid, people I wished I could know better, people I wished I didn't meet, times I wish I could turn back.. Isn't that always the case? So I choose not to remain thinking what could've/should've and would've been.

I'm looking forward to what's ahead now. It's been tough, tiring and at times, I feel close to burning out yet His strength has never once failed me and I know it never will. Such a great thing to know... :)

These few weeks, I've been feeling rather weird about something. Had anyone suggested it to me much earlier I would've dismissed it. I never thought about the possibility, until now. I'm not sure why, maybe I'm beginning to see things in a different light. Could it be Him who's opening my eyes? I've been trying so hard, could it just be what's in front of me? I don't want to think. I'll let Him. 

And I really want to thank Him again, for placing me here. For all my friends.. I can already see the friends I'm going to want to keep for the rest of my lives.

I've also realized, that we can go through the same thing again and again yet never learn our lesson... All pursuits apart from Him are futile, they don't last; they can never bring us happiness.. At least not for long. 

He's all I need.

BGR

CF was on BGR today; I honestly think it was a good session, not just because it was a touchy, interesting and relevant topic but because I remembered alot of things that I've been challenged to do these past years; and that is to trust Him for He knows best.

All of us dream of having a love story; especially for us girls; it's not really something we're ashamed of... We all love fairy tales at some point of time, and we wonder if we will ever have that 'happy ending'. Don't talk about Prince Charming, he doesn't exist, never will. Of course Jesus is our true Prince, no human will ever come close..

The message was really interesting today; and I won't really say what he talked about.. I'd say the message was simple; for me, there wasn't anything really new, but it was freshly approached so it was new in that sense... For me it was as if God was reminding me about what I've learnt over the past years through experiences and reading books about these kind of stuff.... And ultimately through His word.

I think I take a very radical stand when it comes to relationships that many people, sadly to say even Christians might laugh at and say I'm being too rigid. God willing, I only want one relationship in my life; and that someday that would be the person I would spend the rest of my life with. I don't want to waste my emotions away, not anymore.

I guess most of you who know me would know I've never been involved in a relationship and I guess I'm proud of that. But that doesn't mean I was spared from pain. Some of you would know what I went through during what I would call the toughest moments of my life and know how hard it was for me then. I pulled through because of Him. 

If you like someone and that person likes you, it doesn't give you any reason to jump into a relationship. Prayer, seeking advice from others is so vital. What people don't see is that a relationship consumes you. It demands time, attention, care, love and so much more. I don't know how people can take these things so lightly. If something goes wrong, you'll have a broken heart. I didn't even need to be in one to experience that; what more if I actually went into any?

So please, before anything starts, think twice. Ask yourself if you're ready. Most of all, ask yourself if you're satisfied in Him.. Cause if you aren't, how can you ever be satisfied with another? Our strength, hope comes from Him and Him alone. 

This is just so true. :)

I don't know what He has for me, what will happen in the future; I have no clue... But there is one thing I know... That I have to continue to grow in Him; to pursue Him and His righteousness. I must find myself in Him before anything else.... After all, He is my reason for living. This world will fail, men will fail too; but His love remains. 

gone without goodbye

The time will come where we have to say goodbye to the people we love, the people we care about; the people who add joy to our lives, also bringing us to experience pain like never before.

Certain people, you can never forget. There're so many people in my life right now I know I will never forget, no matter where I go, no matter how far apart we become. The time will come for goodbyes... It is true when He said when one door closes, another opens. How then will we know what He has in store if everything was available to us? If all our dreams came true, what would be the point of having dreams? 

It's two a.m., feelin' like I just lost a friend
Hope you know it's not easy, easy for me

Looks like this song finally means something real to me; it came to past. You heard me. I know you won't ever see this but my prayers are with you, I just hope you know I care. You've been a good friend though I never really got the chance to know you that well; but it was enough. God bless you in all you do, may you continue to grow in Him. And I wish you happiness. :) 

I only regret not having the chance to bid a real goodbye to you.

But it'll be alright. 

Now I can finally move on. By His strength. 

all i have, all i need

I've got a reddish bruise on my thigh, I didn't even realize until I saw it. 

And I thought..

Isn't that how it's like sometimes? 

We get emotionally bruised without even knowing it. And when we realize it, it's too late; nothing can be done. Only wait, and eventually it'll be healed. 

I've realized certain things. I've been guilty of making the same mistakes. Falling into the same pattern over and over again. It's not that it's bad; but I've had enough of it to want to get involved again. I feel stupid sometimes.. This time, I won't... It's hard, but He will guide me through. 

He reminded me again of the commitment I've made; I said I wouldn't throw everything out there, I wouldn't allow anyone to dictate my emotions, to keep my eyes of Him. He's all I need, all I'd ever want. At times my flesh tells me it is not enough, but truly, He is. 

I must be satisfied. He's all I have in this life. One that will never fail, one that will never hurt. What more could I ask for? It's amazing to think that the One who has it all together, the One who holds the world, holds me and will never let me go, no matter how far I've strayed away.... 

Beautiful One, You are. 

Copa Iba

It's been quite a hectic week; wanted to post about Copa Iba but haven't had much time to get down to it. So here goes. :)

Friday: After CF, lunch with college peeps and dropping by YMCA booksale, I went to Wangsa Maju LRT with Amos; his church friend's dad picked us to go to a field nearby to practice. It was my second time meeting the team. Anyway practice was pretty intense as well as tiring. I was wondering how I would ever last the real competition when practice itself was abit too much for me. Then I realized; I barely exercise, so I guess I have an excuse. 

Went to Monica's house, one of the youths who weren't involved in the competition to stay the night. I didn't know her at all before that but she was really nice and her family was too. Went for dinner and CG after that; watched Facing the Giants; my fourth time watching. Lol. I slept shortly after I came back. The reason why I had to stay over was cause the comp was held in Klang, and I live really far from W.Maju; and I was supposed to go with them; so might as well make it easier for everyone. 

Saturday: The competition day. Met with the others at 6.15 and reached Klang in an hour. At 8 we had to gather for a brief sermon; it was an evangelistic event and the games started at 9. There were 4 groups consisting of 4 teams each; except for ours which had 5. And since we have to play each team twice, we had 8 games to play compared to other group teams who had 6. For the first time in my life, I drank a can of Red Bull and said it would be my last. Too sweet and medicinal tasting for my liking. But later on when I thought about it, I actually had a surge of energy that day and the 2 hours of gameplay didn't really wear me out like I expected. It must've been the Red Bull. I might just consider bearing with it in case of emergencies in the future.

The church I played for sent 2 teams, and sadly the draw was such that we were put in the same group. Well, overall we won 4 out of 8 games. The other church team won nearly all their games and went all the way to the semi's but were knocked out there. Anyhow, I think they played really well and were unlucky to get such a tough draw. For us, I think everyone did their best too, but with inexperienced people like me, I think there wasn't that much expectations either. Well, the main point is we had fun.

The day had so much drama. I thought I was rough; but when I came here, I realized what rough meant. Girls shoving, pushing, acting, shouting. You name it. I was downplayed in that sense, I didn't feel like being rough either; there wasn't supposed to be any body contact. Certain things happened which most of us felt like it was really unfair. But then again, it's the experience that counts and at least we tried... 

The whole team before the game.

Left at 4 plus, went for Bak Kut Teh with 24 other people; not everyone who came and played came along. Around 6, I was in one of the cars and was dropped off at Universiti LRT station; found out the LRT was down so I had no choice but to get back in the car. I didn't know how I was to go back. It was raining and there was jam; couldn't contact my friends at the condo either. So I ended up staying another night in Monica's place. Was really tired, slept early and woke up for the Germany-Uruguay match. Literally had to drag myself out of bed, muscles were already aching. The match was tensed enough to keep me awake. No regrets. 

Sunday: Went to their church. Service was alright. Met a few of those who were in the teams and stuff. Good to see them again for the last time perhaps. After brunch I was dropped off at Sentral and went back home from there. 

It was 3 tiring days for me, but I have no regrets though initially I had second thoughts about it. Made new great friends; and the competition experience was really something I would remember and cherish in the future. Definitely a highlight this year. I've never actually competed in any real competition; putting school Sports Day aside. And when I told my mum I was going to, she said she didn't know I played any particular sport. If you'd call Captain Ball a sport that is. Hah.

Both teams together

Guess everything worked out for the better. Thanks to my team mates and everyone else who has been so supportive and nice; all EEFC people whom I met. Thanks Amos for asking me to join the competition. Thanks to Monica and family who was so kind to have me stay over for 2 nights though I was a complete stranger. And most of all, I thank God for allowing everything to happen and fall into place. Thank You. :)

the sum up

Been pretty busy for the past few days and a few hectic days coming up as well. 

I'm having a World Cup hangover. Hah.

And really glad Spain won it. Couldn't have asked for more.

Will update more when I can find the time; about Copa Iba especially. An unforgettable experience though I'm paying the price with muscle aches. But thank God for the pretty speedy recovery. I thought it would last for at least a few days but it seems to be getting much better. :).

I still struggle with certain issues, who doesn't? And it all comes down to a matter of trust. There is no one else I can entrust my life with, I can hope in; He alone is my fortress. I may have worries, I may have fears, but knowing He's got it all in control, makes me feel alright. 

Till then!

exert

Just a short update; since I've been posting mostly about W.Cup recently.

Copa Iba's on Saturday. It's a Captain Ball and Futsal tournament organized by the I (not sure wht it stands for) Brethren Association. You might be asking, how did I end up participating. I'm not even fit. Lol. So Amos asked me to help out cause his church team needed more girls. 6 girls and 3 guys need to be on court; so yea. As much as I feel I will be quite useless; I'm gonna try my best to help them. Supposed to exercise this week since I need to build up on my stamina. We have to play 8 games, 16 minutes each, that's only for group stage. You get the picture. Just hope I don't screw up and cause them to lose.

College tmr and I think it will be practice after that, and gonna stay over at a team-mate's place I think. Comp's in Klang and we need to be there by 6am.. It's quite impossible for me to go there from where I'm staying right now so yea.

There's a blood donation drive tmr in college and I'm quite interested to take part but seeing that the competition's on Sat, I'm taking no risks. It's not a small thing, donating blood. One needs to be physically and mentally prepared. 

Till then. :). 

It's You. 

mixed feelings

I was right. Watching the Spain - Germany match yesterday, I felt numb. I couldn't cheer for anything. Couldn't anticipate any team to score. Couldn't feel like Argh when a chance was missed. Couldn't celebrate Spain's goal.  Couldn't be happy that they won. Maybe just a little bit.

I'm still sad over the fact that Germany's been knocked out. Not that I don't want Spain to win; glad they did but the fact that they had to play against each other at this stage is painful enough. 

I don't recall feeling like this when Germany lost to Spain in the Euro finals; perhaps the Germans weren't as spectacular then. This time it's different. 

But at least I know it's either gonna be Spain or Holland to win it now; both teams have never won it so I'm glad one of them will. And then I'll feel sad for the one who loses again. I will choose to allow the joy to overrule. 

Two more matches and W.Cup will be over. Will definitely miss it, but hey, there's always EPL to look forward to every year.. Missing it quite abit now. May the new season usher in new hope. 

support

People often wonder; how do you support so many teams? How do you divide it; why do you do it? Obviously one of them is gonna win since you support so many. I find it interesting how people perceive this and so I shall explain why.

Most importantly, I must say that I'm not supporting so many teams because I chose to. But because time has nurtured a special feeling in me for each of the teams I support. Well, there's 5, more to 4 because 1 of it has been recent. 

Namely there's England, Spain, Germany, Holland and Argentina. Here are my reasons for supporting each country.

1. England. Why England? People call them a joke, even EPL fans which is really sad. Jeremy said this in his blog "You may be a Koppite, you may be a Red Devil, you may be a Gooner, you may be anything. However, as long as you follow the Premier League, it is in your sworn duty, to support the Three Lions."

"It's not a matter of choice, it's a matter of duty. It's not because they are good or because Frank Lampard is handsome or because you have Portugal because of one specific person. It's because you know that deep down in your heart, the English team in the only team."

It's exactly the case for me. My loyalty to the English team started since I started watching football at 7 and I always used to claim I was an English girl. 

No true EPL fan would despise/not want England to succeed; it's betrayal. It still hurts to think of how badly they lost but it happens..

2. Spain. Some people who know naught would say I like Spain cause of Torres, who plays for Liverpool. As if I watch football for guys. The idea itself infuriates me, I have low patience with those who watch games and start commenting who's hot and who's not. Seriously, they need to get a life. Spain has always been a good and creative team with such great individual players as well. The likes of Xavi, Villa, Torres, Xabi Alonso, Ramos and Casillas; just a few names; are reason enough to support. They deserve victory, yes they do. And who can forget Raul, their star striker years back. Can't exactly remember when I started supporting them but it build up through the years and reached its peak during Euro 2008 which they won. :)

3. Germany. I remember it was 2002 that I started to notice how great they were. Perhaps they were brilliant in 1998, but watching at that age, what could I recall? I only remember the Brazil - France final where Brazil lost and that time I had hoped they would win. Ironically, the support faded and I was furious when the Germans lost to them. Kahn was extremely good throughout the whole tournament. Interesting personality. And I remember crying when I saw the players in tears after losing. They were so close. They've been better and better. Germany's the only team I support that doesn't have any Reds; yet it's the way they play and the spirit they have that makes me like them. 

4. Holland. A creative team with good players yet never really successful in winning the big ones. Seeing how eager they are to win it really pleases me. Especially now that they've reached the final. And yeah, the support gradually rose and ever since Euro, I've been rooting for them. 

5. Argentina. Well, this is the one I support the least, I prefer Europe teams in general. That's why when they went against Germany, I wouldn't mind if they had won though I prefer they didn't. Watching Mascherano captain the team is interesting and I've had a grown admiration for Messi who is such a great and humble World Footballer of the Year; compare him with Ronaldo who might be good but not great and far from humble. 

So you see, I do have reasons for supporting them though some cannot be explained; it's just there. I don't have a hard time dividing support. And the thing about having so many favourites; surely one will win; I beg to differ. I was so afraid when Spain and Germany lost in group stage and England struggling to qualify. It could've been worse. I mean I guess I just supported the right teams though it seemed different at first. 

Now that Holland's through to the finals, I know that whoever wins later is going to join them. And the fact that they are all my favourites; I'm more than glad. Sweet dream reality. 

I really don't get all the fuss about Paul the Octopus; even if his predictions are right, so what?

Even though I don't really mind whoever wins, I'm going to have mixed feelings at the end of the game tonight, even now I feel it. Spain has never reached the finals, not even the semi's and this could very well be their chance to make history and they can do it. But Germany's really strong and solid this time around, it will be too close to call. And seeing how well Germany have played, thrashing both England and Argentina, they deserve to win it too. They lost at home last World Cup and was so close to it in 02... So I really don't know... I should support Spain fully, since I would want success for any Liverpool player.. But I don't want Germany to lose either.... 

Oh, well.

overwhelming

Occasionally, everyone feels pressured. I won't say I'm feeling like that now but I know there's so many things I've got to do in the next few months and thinking about it on a surface level/on paper seems so overwhelming.

I've been staying in the new place for close to a week now and it's been great. I've been really blessed. No complains. :). And I'm ever so grateful for Joyce, who I'm staying with and her sister Jacintha who's on summer break now. They've been so nice and helpful, willing to fetch me to the bus hub early in the morning so I can make it for my 8am classes. The earliest bus only comes at 7 plus. The bus hub isn't too far away so I guess walking isn't such a bad idea but it's still dark at 6plus in the morning so yeah. I guess I need to figure out an alternative soon, don't wanna be a burden though they don't mind. 

College has been rather hectic. Time table is really bad. Monday I have a 4 and a half hour break; it's too long already. And the rest of the days are just full on classes with only 30 minutes break for me to eat. I'd trade my Monday free periods for classes. Well, nothing can be done. Gotta bear with it.

So what exactly do I have to do in the next couple of months that's gonna be so hectic?

1. Lit Units 3 and 4. 4 is coursework which I'm still not decided on what to do; the thing is doing ANYTHING makes it difficult to decide. Sometimes, too much freedom isn't such a good thing. And we're reminded everyday how we need to rush cause there isn't much time.

2. Religious Studies Unit 2 and part of 3. Well Unit 2 is just studying a single topic which means we have to go really in depth. And possibly everything that's got to do with it. And most of it will be my own research.

3. College applications etc. I'm already behind time I think. Want to sit for SAT's in Oct so I can quickly apply then. But there's lots to study for it as well. The English is really tough and my Maths is horrible. Haven't been doing it for so long I can't even remember anything. Time to brush up I guess.

Of course there are other things to do too like CF responsibilities, but that's fine. 

Yet I don't feel pressured. I know within me there is no strength to pull through. I've had so many experiences of nearly burning out, but He's never failed to be my source of strength and comfort. And it's more than enough for me. I can do it, because He will enable me too.

Till then. :)

Proverbs 19:21 - Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the LORD's purpose that prevails.

brilliance

If there was any team to beat it would be Argentina.

The Argentina Germany game was great. I was glad that I didn't have to watch the match with a high adrenaline rush, heart pumping fast all the time. I like both teams though I obviously favor Germany more since it's only this World Cup that I started supporting Argentina compared to Germany since 2002. But I thought it would be a very, very tight match and that Argentina would have a slightly higher chance of winning.

I was wrong again. Germany were obviously the better team. I wasn't surprised at how good they were but rather how Argentina failed to even get a goal. 4-0 is a BIG win and the fact that Argentina could lose like that doesn't prove that they're weak, but show a solid young and promising German team. And seeing that, I think that of all the teams left, they deserve it the most. Simply world class.

And it makes me feel that England's loss to them wasn't so bad; it just came too early. Hey at least they managed a goal. They tried. Nothing is predictable when it comes to the beautiful game. 

Now, this time, I'm really not prepared for a Spain upset; hope they make it through. 

hopes

I'm ECSTATIC. Seriously.. HAHAHAHA. 

So, Brazil just lost to Holland, one of my favourites. I wore orange again, to show which side I belong to. Watched in a mamak near the new place and the atmosphere was crazy.

To cut it short, I kinda feel bad that prior to the game I was kinda prepared for Holland to lose to Brazil. And watching the 1st half, I nearly wanted to go back. Brazil outclassed them and they didn't seem to be pushing much. But 2nd half, everything started to change; and lo and behold, they equalized. Still I had a feeling they had a chance to lose or maybe play to extra time... And who would've known, they scored and BRAZIL ARE KNOCKED OUT. YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS.

You might find this weird, but one reason why I like football is because I learn alot and especially when it comes to faith. Perseverance is a key to victory. And no matter what the circumstance, you don't worry what people say about you, even if they think you won't make it through, you push on and it'll be alright. And as for Holland that's exactly what they did. I assume the odds were in Brazil's favour but that's not the point. 

I've got to say this is one of the most epic games of the World Cup so far and I'm so, so, so happy. What started off as a nightmare, with Spain and Germany's group game losses, have turned into a rather sweet, unexpected dream for me and I hope nothing spoils it. It's very likely one of my favourites are gonna take this whole thing. With Holland in the semi's and likely to beat Uruguay/Ghana, can't write them off just yet; they're probably gonna meet another of my favourite team; 3/4 in the other set of quarter final games with only Paraguay there to spoil it. I hope not. 

So, YAYYYYYYYYYY. :D