plans - don't aim too high

So I'm back in Ipoh for around two months. Though I have to go back to KL on and off in January for my exams. 4 papers in 3 days - 12th, 13th and 18th. Just came back yesterday night. I remember I made a list of things to do during the post-SPM break. This is exactly what I planned:

1. As I mentioned earlier, Exercise. Take up a sport and play regularly. (FAILED)

2. Read some of the books I have at home and maybe get some more. (FAILED)

3. Watch all the movies I want to. (CAN NEVER BE FULLY ACCOMPLISHED)

4. Eat. Regain whatever piano knowledge/'skills' I used to have. I dropped piano when I was 11. So yeah. Just hope to learn up some songs =). (IN THE PROCESS)

5. Brush up on guitar. (NO COMMENT)

6. Go on Holiday. Cherating (next week), Singapore, Sydney (hopefully). (Went everywhere except for Sydney)

7. Do some research on the subjects I'll be taking for A-Levels. (FAILED)

8. Start learning up the basics of Nihongo (Jap language). (FAILED but it no longer matters)

9. Earn some money. Currently am working part-time. Yet to mention about it. (SPENT IT ALL)

10. Soul-searching. Heh. Spend quality time with friends. (Somewhat accomplished)

This time, I've decided to change the list to something much less, something more specific and can be accomplished if I actually work towards it.

1. Study. The holidays aren't really holidays; it's more like a long study break. Been slacking way too much; but I've got to start some serious work.

2. Read To Kill A Mockingbird. I've got the book but haven't gotten down to it yet. Also; need to read my Literature texts again; Wuthering Heights and The Scarlet Letter - awesome books!

3. Do WiiFit at least once a week.

4. Catch up with close friends.

5. *edit* Need to drive more. Haven't drove much ever since I got my license. And I'll try to drive much faster. LOL. Who dares to sit?

So there. I'll blog about my first semester in college another time. I'm missing some of my friends already. Hah.

break out

Last day of college tomorrow today. I nearly forgot that it's past 12 already. Honestly, as much as I'd want to be back at home, I don't really want to leave. First semester of college has been fun; will blog about this another time. Anyway, had classes on as usual yesterday (Wed); though it was only till 12. It was Parent-Lecturer Conference from 12-3.30 so at 12, I met my mum in Sentral; she took the train down; and brought her to eat the Pan Mee near college and then we met each lecturer individually. Generally; it was all good reports. I can feel high expectations from my lecturers especially Lit and my parents think that I could do well too. I'm not really sure. But I guess what mum said was right; when you put God first in your life; you'll see how He takes care of every aspect of your life. Honour Him and He will honour you. But of course, you've got to do your part too.

My problem is I don't put in enough effort; I know that but still it's tough to break out of this attitude. Yet I don't think it's fair for me to waste all the 'potential' I have. I might not be as smart as those geniuses out there. I know I don't have Sam's intelligence; but I'm not too bad; I just need to put in more effort and kick this lazy attitude out. It won't be easy but it's still possible.

I told myself I would study consistently before A-Levels even begun; I'm so far from that. It's not too late I guess? There'll be plenty of distractions at home. I need constant reminders; more motivation to stop wasting so much time and get down to some serious work. And hopefully I'll get those 4 A's. Relying on His strength. I can't do anything alone.

My dad and John will be coming down tomorrow morning; then we'll be heading back home in the afternoon. Can't wait. =). I'd better go and continue packing. -out-

Before it ends, I have to talk to you.

aches

My muscles are aching all over. But I actually like the feeling. Hah. I think it's been a long time since I actually ran around and exercised. Apart from the fact that I walk a pretty good distance everyday ever since coming here, I'm not the type who exercises. Maybe all the running around, rides and games yesterday has worn me out. I've been tripping especially more the past week; no idea why. My friends counted; 6 times on Thursday and 5 yesterday. Don't ask me why; I absolutely have no clue. But it's not that bad; not everyone knows about it. I still appear graceful to many people. =D.

This week will be the last week of college for the semester. Well of course it's not really over cause first semester A-Level exams are only in January but it's the last week of official classes. Will blog about this later on.

Anyway, as I mentioned, my business class had a party on Thursday evening; our lecturer isn't gonna teach us for the next semester so yeah.. =(. The party started at 6; started eating at 6.30. Then at 7smtg the non-business people came. We had room and enough food for more, so we invited some of those who stayed at the college accommodation; since our party was held at one of our friend's place there. 9 out of 12 of us from the class came (including Mr. John); and there were 8 others who came. Food was more than enough. 6 Large Pizzas, sausages, nuggets, drummets, shepherd's pie, punch, brownies, coconut jelly, konyaku jelly, Kit Kats; that's about all. Oh and there was ice-cream at the end for few of us who stayed on. We bought a watermelon too but completely forgot about it. We played a few games; charades (which I moderated), blanket-name game, Empire (nickname game), bing bang wa, mafia. I think that was all. It occupied the night. Some left early; most left at 9something. Only few of us stayed on till 10.15. Still pretty early la; but like for me, I was out the whole day so it was considered pretty late. Mr. John dropped me off at Sentral since it was rather dangerous to walk there at night. I did enjoy myself; I think most of us did. Though some people weren't in the mood prior to the party; I think they enjoyed themselves too?

They said this looked like a movie poster. Wonder what the title would be. LOL.

Till then! God bless.

They try to pull me away, but they don't know the truth.

fun

Physically, mentally and emotionally tired. Though it's more of the former. Went to Sunway Lagoon with Wei Han, Vincent and Joon Sung today. Spent around 5 hours there. Reached at 11 and we were there till 4. The roller coaster wasn't as scary as the Pirate Ship thing and the Tomahawk. When we sat on the Pirate Ship; we were in the middle opposite this group of Malays. They were screaming as much as the guys were. I couldn't shout much; my stomach was too painful cause I was laughing nearly the whole time and it hurt. And towards the end one of the Malay guys said 'nak terkencing.' LOL. I don't think I'd ever forget the feeling. We went to the Water Park later on and because I led the way; the poor guys had to follow me up and down the 3 flights of escalators cause I obviously didn't really know where I was going. We were chilling out at the swimming pool and suddenly some people set up a Water Polo goal at the side of the pool and there was a random ball too. So we just played with some other people for quite awhile. We kinda made friends with this guy from Saudi Arabia and we said bye to him before we left. And there was this other guy who was playing with us and he was a real pro; told us to go to the Surfing Pool at 3 smtg to play the hamster ball thing. So we went to that pool and played that; it was quite hard to keep up with the pace the ball was rolling. Then later we met the guy from Saudi Arabia again; he asked us to join him to play beach soccer so we did. That guy; his kid brother and Joon Sung vs Vincent, Wei Han and me. I was in room for embarassment. I like football but I know I can't exactly play it. So I chose to be the goalie and that guy said I was pretty good cause out of around 15 shots; I only let in one. Not so bad after all. Hah. We told him we had to go after that. Oh and we saw the Pink Duck; new mascot I think. It was so... gay... The way it walked and waved.

By the time we washed up it was already 4.30. Went to Pyramid for our lunch/dinner. Ended up eating at Hartz Chicken Buffet. 24 bucks per person after tax. There was a reasonable variety of food but quality wise it wasn't so good except for the fried chicken. Wouldn't go there again though. We got back to the Subang KTM station by bus at 7.45, missed the train by a few minutes; had to wait for another half an hour. By the time I reached home it was already 9.40. Thank God for the good weather today; since it's been raining nearly everyday we thought it might rain today. It wasn't hot; and there was only abit of drizzle in the afternoon but after praying it stopped. You might say it's a coincidence; but I don't think so. I managed to get my mind off alot of things thanks to my 3 great friends. It was time well spent. Most of the other college mates were either having their IELTS exam in college or in Genting.

I just realized; it's been a month already. Looks like it's gonna take longer than I thought. Trusting Him.

i can't help it

Really tired right now. Had a long day. Was out since 7 and came back at 11.15. Was supposed to be back by 4.30; but our business class had a party at Ranita's place at 6 onwards. The last few of us left at 10.30. Will blog about it tomorrow; going to sleep soon.

If this had happened a month ago, I would've been overjoyed. But now, I feel stupid even to rejoice over it. I need to keep reminding myself of the fact; that it's not the same anymore. It can't; it won't; and it's not because you don't want it; you just can't. Maybe it'll make me feel better if I think of it this way. But would things have been different? Still, IMY.

You're more than enough.

belated birthday post

Happy Belated Birthday Joyce Tan!!! (Nov 14)

Sorry this came in so late.

I hope you had a great one....

I'm grateful that God has blessed me with a wise, smart, great friend like you....

I seriously miss those times we use to chat on the phone; which was like 2-3 years ago. Then after you shifted we seldom talked on on the phone but we still messaged rather frequently. You were always one of my closer friends in school. And I was kinda sad when your batch left. I'm honestly surprised that we're still pretty close even though we might not contact as much or even see each other; but you've always been there and I am here too...

Thanks for all the advice you've given me. You're such a blessing. You're very special and unique and I know God has great plans for your life. Hope you would continue to grow and trust Him in all things. He will carry you through even in the moments where you feel you can't go on; know that He can. May this year be a fruitful one both in your studies and in your spiritual life... Continue to shine for Him.

I love you sis in Christ =).

for the weary heart

Dear heart;
Has it ever occurred to you that all that's happened
Is not in vain;
There is always a purpose; don't refrain.

For He is always there; right beside you;
Holding you, guiding you.
Loving you.
You've been searching for a love
That will never fail all your life.
Let me tell you, long before you even knew;
SomeOne loved you with an everlasting love.
You already found it. You can stop searching
Cause nothing's ever gonna come close
To the Love He gives.

Should you be weary?
Should you be upset?
Not all hope is lost.
Not all things have fallen apart.
Not all circumstances are bad.
In fact; it's all in the way you look at it.
If you could just see it from the way He sees;
Then you would see that through all this;
you will be strong.

You will be able to tell others about
How He's brought you through like He has done before.
You have been through much worse,
And look at what He did.
You told Him you couldn't;
But He said He could.
Your strength has failed you,
But His never will.

Has He ever been wrong?
How could One so Perfect
Look at you and not know
What you need.
After all, He made you.
He said He would never
Let you go through more than you can take.
Can you then rejoice in the truth?

O heart, do not be weary.
Trust Him.
He who loves you.

*penned this as I remember all He's told me.*

deco

I thought my holidays were only going to last a month but it looks like it's much longer now. College officially ends on the 26th. And for the July batch, we only have to go back to college on the 25th of January. Of course I'll be having exams for two weeks in January but it's quite a long break nevertheless. Looking forward to the break; though I'm sure it's gonna be hard to study cause there'll be so many distractions!

Everyone's required to do 10 hours of Community Service within the first semester. I planned to do more than 10 at the beginning, but right now I'm just gonna complete all 10 and hand in my card. So much for being 'ambitious'. Plans will just be plans if you don't make the effort to carry it out. Most of my friends finished the 10 hours within the first two months. I had lots of free time, was just too lazy to go. Haha. So I had 3 hours 15 minutes left; went for 1 hour and another hour today. Went with Vicki yesterday and we helped them to draw and cut out the letters 'Merry Christmas And A Happy New Year.' But we weren't able to finish it so I promised them I would come back again today. Went myself this time. Cutting the letters reminded me of Christmas where all of us spent time in church doing all the deco. Fun times. =)

I'd better get off and start doing some reading... Let's hope I can. Hah.

the family

Aunt came back after 6 weeks in NZ. It's a relief that I don't have to take care of the dogs anymore, it wasn't easy. I remember there were days I felt so drained but still managed to pull through cause I was depending on His strength. It's such a big difference. To try to carry a load you know you will never be able to do it alone; or to carry it while He carries you through.. It doesn't mean you won't feel tired; you just know that when all your strength runs out, He will provide you with all you need. Isn't it amazing? =)

I have learnt alot through the past weeks. I've seen the sacrifice my mum has been making by coming down on alternate weeks for a few days even though she has to tend to my lil bro and the house. Got much closer to her through these times too. I've begun to appreciate my family more, and realized the great support I've had throughout all these years. I owe much, if not all, of who I am today to my parents.. And my brothers too.. I'm missing them already. Sam's coming back in Dec from the States; Stv too - might be going down to Sg and come back with him, hope the plan goes on. And John, I really do miss him though he used to annoy me like crazy, but ever since I left home, everything's been so quiet and it doesn't feel so right. Though I know he misses me more than I do. Haha.

Mum, Samuel and I outside one of the buildings at Ngee Ann Poly, Sg

Will be seeing my parents and John next week; I'm going back on the 26th till college starts next year... Can't wait to be home though I'll be missing most of my college friends, but nothing beats being at home =). And Abel asked me what I'm gonna do when I go home besides 'eat, eat and eat.' LOL. Make a guess. -out.-

some post

A random picture taken during my church camp at Lutheran Bungalow (2006), miss that place!!

There's always a time for everything. I think it's time for me to snap out of it. It won't be easy; there'll still be times where I will violate my own rules and go against what I shouldn't be feeling. But that doesn't mean I have to dwell in this. I might be confused, but I know it well enough.

I don't miss school. Don't really miss my friends, just a few close ones. When I told my friends I wouldn't miss school, they didn't believe me. They said you would naturally tend to; well they're absolutely wrong. Hah. I didn't have a bad schooling life; it was pretty alright. Just don't have that emotional attachment to it. Apart from the CF that is. Random school pictures:






Met up with Tab yesterday; my best friend since Form One. Haven't seen her for a year; we've only been keeping in touch through messages and haven't met ever since I came to KL. It was nice to just hang out and talk about all that's happened. We realized that both of us haven't changed a single bit which is a good thing. Walked around for awhile after lunch and I went back before 5; was really tired already. Had IELTS mock test in the morning.

Had another long day today; went to college church; then to KLCC with Wei Han and Jason. We went for the UK Edu fair and met Ern Wei, Adam and Praise there.. They came from their church. We walked around in iSETAN after that; then they went back... We hanged around till 4smtg; bought tickets earlier for 2012 at 4.45. The movie was pretty good, didn't feel long at all - it was 2 and a half hours. Ate at the food court after that. Not too bad.

I guess that's it for now.. Till then =)

p.s: my aunt came back today; just a few hours ago - it's such a relief, don't have to worry about the dogs anymore!! =D

here i am

This is my cry; this is my prayer
And it comes from a heart that's been broken;
A heart that has been trampled on.
Only You have the healing power to revive it.
Lord, I've seen Your reality throughout all the 18 years of my life.
And I cannot deny what You've done.
There's so much more that's coming

More that will be heartbreaking.
I need strength; only You can provide.
Lord, right now,
I'm surrendering all my unfulfilled wishes and desires;
My shattered dreams; my empty hopes;
My broken heart.

I'm sorry for the times where I have not thought of Your purpose.
Where I have overlooked all the things You've done.
Where I have not trusted You enough to know
That above everything else, You desire the best for me.
Who am I to say that I know it better...
You created me after all...

There's this joy in me that I cannot explain
Despite the pain; despite the hurts;
I can still smile because of Your love.
Your love that's never failed..
Never.

you don't know

Some of us were deciding where to eat for lunch this afternoon; ended up going to Julius' dad's place; Mojo at Medan Tuanku. He was so nice to treat all of us. We had a very nice meal. The food was really good!

I'm not sure why, but somehow I feel different today. Happy? I guess. Sad? A little. Confused? Very. Isn't this always the case.

There's nothing else I have besides these memories. And no one can take them away...

-out.-

child-like faith

Once again I experienced His grace. I got unexpectedly rather good results for my semester exams. All honor and glory to Him. I did nothing. Prior to the exams; I thought I would just do well enough to scrape through a 2.7 CGPA to keep my scholarship. My parents told me that I could do it and when I told my mum how surprised I was and how God had been so merciful; she asked me why I always underestimate myself. I don't know why; I didn't prepare as much as I should. And I thought I didn't do so well cause I barely had enough time for most of the papers. God amazes me.

But the major exams are in two months time; that's much much more important. I guess I'd have to take this as a reminder to study consistently and not slack anymore. Also, I've got to continue trusting Him. And the part I was amazed at most was how the things that happened prior to trials didn't really affect my concentration. These are the things that give me even more reason to believe in His amazing plans.

I have been asked questions about my faith. Honestly I don't always have the answers and it's hard to really give an answer that would open people's eyes to see the truth; they still choose not to believe. Yet, the only thing I can say is that I've experienced Him enough to know that He is real. So many things I cannot explain. But that's what faith is all about. Taking Him at His word; no questions asked.

I need motivation!! Hah.

IMY.

stronger

It's been 3 weeks now. Yet nothing's changed. Maybe I have accepted the fact after all; yet I can't do what they tell me to. I'd rather fake a smile on my face; be a friend and hurt myself then ignore and hurt even more.. It's better that way.

Through this period; I have learnt so much. Learnt to trust. Learnt to love. I couldn't have come this far had it not been for Him. Emotions are strong. Feelings are hard to control. But He is so much stronger than all that I feel.

I don't want to compare myself with anyone else. I don't want this to make me feel worthless. God has made me who I am. And I trust that His purpose for me goes beyond my understanding... Even though I can't see the valley; I know He's in control. He's my light in the darkness. He's my hope when all else has failed. He is my God; I will yet trust Him.

alpha retreat

So as I mentioned; 26 of us students went to Fraser's Hill along with 6 college staff and lecturers. It was a refreshing time for most of us especially after we just had our trials the week before. 2 days were not enough but it was definitely a good break. A much needed one.

We left college at around 8.30 and reached the foothill close to 11. Had a winding journey up; reminded me of those times I used to puke. Lol. And when we reached; we had to walk up; was pretty tiring and nearly all of us were complaining. Haha. But when we saw the place; we were pretty much impressed. Lunch came soon after and it was seriously good. More than enough. It was a full course Western meal. Bread and Soup; Mashed Potatoes; Vege; Pork Chops and Banana Fritter Cake.. Settled down in the rooms and then we had two of the Alpha sessions. After that we had tea. Had scones. Really nice. Free time after that; some of us played Captain Ball and as I expected; the ball eventually was thrown over and rolled down to the jungle. It was just a matter of when. It fell a few times; but they still managed to get it cause there was a fence. But then someone threw it real hard and it got stuck in a bush after the fence. The guys took a long stick to try to take it out, but they pushed it down instead. We were joking about all the balls that could've been lost as well. It started raining then; so I guess it was just in time.

Dinner was great as well. Another full course meal. This time the main dish was chicken with gravy and potatoes. Had our third alpha session at night. We had to do a short skit with items that were given to us. Haha; my group was the last to perform and since the time allocated was only 3 minutes; I stopped the story halfway cause I didn't know what to say anymore. The night was pretty much for ourselves; there wasn't really any curfew. The good thing about having small groups =). So some played Pictionary, some Taboo.. I'm glad I decided not to play though I initially wanted to; God knew what I needed at that time and He provided for that need through a person. =). It was time well spent. The next day; after breakfast, we had our last alpha session for the retreat and ministry time as well. Oh and my group won The 'Academy Award' cause we were the fastest to complete charades in all rounds. The first one was the fastest; Wei Ren did just one action for Cowboy and Vincent got it right away. Haha. Then at 11 we left the place. Most of us felt rather sad cause we wished we could've had more time there... It was really relaxing. This time; the bus came up abit so we didn't have to walk that much. We went to the town awhile; then went to the playground, yes playground. Left the place at 12.30 Then we stopped at Kuala Kubu Baru for lunch and reached KL at 4. And on the way back; me and the guys were so bored at the back we started singing. We edited the 'If You're Happy And You Know It' song to If You're Dizzy and You Know It'. And they made gross puking sounds. Lol. Now pictures..

Me, Wei Han and Chuen Hoe

Julius and Isaac


Group's skit

It's been ages since I played the monkey bars!

Overall, I thoroughly enjoyed myself. I had many things off my mind most of the time. It was a good break. Got 'bullied' by the guys. Their room was opposite mine; the moment I came out of it all of them came with pillows and I was left defenseless. Hah. And now nearly everyone knows my nickname. Won't blame them. There's some truth after all. Heh. I got to know some people better. Loved the company. I'd love to go there again someday. I wish I could just go back; get everything off my mind. It's back to reality now.

never let me go

Lord, I need You, more than ever.

Please take these feelings away; it hurts too much..

Today I told You that no matter pain may come I will trust You.

The thing I feared most happened right in front of my eyes.

It's so hard to act like I'm okay in front of you

And you don't even know what I'm feeling,

Yet I can never blame you

My head's spinning; the tears keep flowing.

But I know You will never let me go.

You alone are my comfort; You alone are my peace.

Lord; do what You will; even if my heart has to break.

Your daughter.

you reign

I've seen God working through experiences and circumstances in my life. I've seen His power; how He has never failed to comfort me; how He was always provided sufficient strength to carry on.

I'll post about the retreat some other time. Right now, I'll just have to say that I enjoyed it. Great company, nice place and good food. But these were not merely the reasons why I felt the two days were well worth... God has spoken to me; through certain things and conversations that I've had during the retreat. And it brought me to a point where I realized I've allowed my emotions to take over my decisions. I am only human. He knew all along; all my weaknesses, only He truly knows.. Yet I've been blinded to see so many things that He's been wanting to show me. I've forgotten of certain things I've told Him. I've allowed my present situation to stop me from seeing that He has a plan; and it is all good. I want to grow in love and in faith. I need Him; so much.

How could we live but not see
Your sacrifice
Your glory

You reign, You reign
Over everything Lord, You reign
With power, and justice divine
Over everything Lord, You reign

See now the King of Glory
Love of God become my calling
Father I surrender all I am to You forever

the pieces don't fit anymore

I'm not sure of what I'm feeling right now. Too many things happened today. Too many things that are causing this mix of emotions. As much as these memories make me smile, it hurts even more than it makes me happy. Because it ended before it even started.

I've been twisting and turning in a space that's too small
I've been drawing the line and watching it fall

Well I'll hide all the bruises; I'll hide all the damage that's done
But I show how I'm feeling until all the feeling has gone

It's time to surrender
It's been too long pretending
There's no use in trying
When the pieces don't fit anymore

Will be going to Fraser's Hill tomorrow for a night. It came just in time. I seriously need a break. Till then.

girl at heart

And today was a day like any other. Not.

Had a long day. Feeling somewhat mixed up now. It was a great day no doubt. Wore a new shirt to college today and some said it was nice. And even more said I looked more feminine. Lol. Yeah, especially my friends who tease me occasionally. I'm never spared wherever I go!

Anyway, after CF, we decided to go to Mid Valley. Since the car couldn't fit all 8 of us, Wei Han, Isaac and me took the KTM instead. We waited quite awhile for it and when we reached we saw the rest emo-ing in the group. It looked so fake so we just ignored them and went into Carl's Jr. Hah. It's my 4th time there ever since I came to KL. Skip some details. Then at 6, we watched Inglourious Basterds. The movie was round 2 and a half hours. Pretty good, just that it was abit draggy at some parts but interesting nevertheless. Walked around abit more to get some stuff and went back after that. It was just 5 of us left then. Was nearly 11 when I got back.

Oh, and regarding the title, it's just a random one since my friends were like saying I was so feminine today and stuff like that. Even though I might appear to be quite tomboyish in my behaviour and favourites sometimes, I think most people know that deep down, I'm still a girl at heart. The emotions I feel are not any different. I don't think I even need to clarify things.

i still believe

"Form is temporary but class is permanent."

Every team has its rough patch. But that doesn't change the fact that they're good. You won't always win; you won't always get the results you want. That's life isn't it. And there'll definitely be people at your back telling you you're no good and you're never gonna make it. But if you know where you stand, it doesn't matter what they say.

The game is in 6 hours time. It's make or break. But deep inside, I still believe. Go Reds.. It's time to show them the belief that's always been in you. Prove them wrong. There's still hope. But even if things don't turn out the way it should, knowing that you've tried your best and gave it all, will make us all proud.

--------------

College was pretty alright. IETLS class was pushed ahead one hour cause all of us had no class at 2.30 today. So at 3.30, some of us were going to eat. As usual, it takes hours to decide. The group split up cause we couldn't decide. The usual Sentral people wanted to eat there; but we didn't. So finally Vincent, Wei Han and me decided to go to Times Square to eat at Shihlin Taiwan Street Snacks. They said there was this rice and chicken thing which was quite nice. After eating we wanted to watch a movie, but the time wasn't suitable and stuff. So we went back after walking around and when we were going down the escalator, Wei Han spotted Mr. Michael and the other few top ladies in college. We ended up in the monorail with them too. Hah.

Today, He knew that I couldn't bear it if I had met him. And it's amazing to see that through every little thing that has happened, He was watching over. He was in control. And only He knows how much I can take. When all this is over, I might see the underlying purpose. But before that happens, I'll keep trusting. For what else is there in this world that could last besides the love He gives?

Truth be told, I miss you.

pictures

I wasn't lying bout what my friends put on the cake. Some of us were joking today about how the cake lady reacted when she had to write this. She must've conjured a weird image of me. *edit* It says: 'Happy Birthday Jungle Woman. Ooh aah ahh ahh!'

The whole group. 19 of us. Arts+Science and 1 Tristan from March intake. Lol

Roti Hawaiian at Murni's. It's Roti Canai with Sausage+Minced Chicken+Egg+Cheese. There's no veggie inside!!! Hah. Supposed to have mayo on top but you should know me.

This is John. My lil bro for those who don't know. He's 6; don't be deceived by his 'cute' face. Took this before he went for his kindergarten concert on Friday; had to put make up. Lol, even his sister never puts but he has to.

Lame smile!

'Strong' Boy & Super Hero Wannabe.

Before going for early birthday dinner with family at Secret Recipe (The quality has dropped by a mile.)


Julius was using my phone today and I didn't even know he took this picture.

Sitting, waiting, wishing.

sweet madness

It's easier to believe in this sweet madness oh
This glorious sadness that brings me to my knees

I couldn't understand a single thing that's been going on. My heart tells me to go on, my head tells me to stop. It wasn't a choice between wrong and right; but it was how much I could take before I break down. And now I know why I've been feeling so numb; cause it was all slowly building up inside of me. It feels good to finally release it all after two weeks; I feel much better now. If I could experience His love through the darkness, then I won't mind walking through it.

Psalm 142:5 - Then I pray to you O Lord. I say "You are my place of refuge. You are all I really want in my life."

My comfort, my joy, my hope is found in You.

I shall always remember a quote that happens to be Jason Castro's favourite; I was a great fan of his and still am.

"In the end it's gonna be okay; if it's not okay it's not the end."

Maybe he's right. =)

a surprise?

Thought I could be strong, but it's killing me.

If you're hurting, letting it out does bring some sort of relief. But if you're hurting and yet you just can't let it out, it's either you're not really hurting anymore or it's too much that it seems like it's slipped away. Right now, I'm not sure which extreme I'm at.

Nevertheless, I'm actually okay. Thanks to my college mates who seriously made my day. Was very stressed out due to something. Lesson learnt: Don't take on anything without thinking of the consequences. Too often we do something without counting the cost and what the outcome might be. Sometimes we won't have to pay for it; but it causes unnecessary worries.

Hah, anyway had Lit paper today at 12.30. Ended at 2.45. Me, Praise, Vicki and Marian sat in Amanda's car to Mid Valley. Manda asked me on Friday night whether I wanted to go there after exams just to hang out. I asked who's going and she said she wasn't sure. I honestly thought it was just a normal de-stress thing. And I thought only us from arts would go; those who're taking Accounting and Lit since it was the only two papers left for my batch. So I ended up calling a few of my college mates from the Science stream. They ask me what we were gonna do and I said I have no idea. It didn't cross my mind I guess.

So when we reached; we went to Red Box. Manda suddenly told me to go in first. And then you can guess what happened. I entered and the room was dark; saw the candle and everyone started singing. They sang like three times cause there was like background music from the TV. Hah. I wish I have the picture of the cake now. Cause instead of the normal "Happy (age) Birthday (insert name here)," it was "Happy Birthday Jungle Woman. Ooh Aah Aah". My friends love me so much!! Haha, I was named Jungle Girl after orientation camp cause most of my friends fell sick but I survived and was extremely hyper. So it stayed and became an inside joke. Eng Hoe told me that they wanted to put Jungle Girl - Jungle Woman or something like that to show how I'm a 'big' girl now but there wasn't any space. And they added some sound effect as well.

Then they asked me to sing the first song which happened to be Fallin' For You. And then it was just singing and chilling out. Didn't sing that much actually; only for some songs but I still enjoyed myself. Thanks again guys for everything. I've been really blessed with such great friends and this came the right time. =). And some of them were so good at acting also. Cause when I called them to come to hang out they were so blur. And Eunice said she wasn't coming but she was there! Haha.

I'll post the pictures when I get them. Till then. -out-

18

Thanks for all the wishes people. I couldn't reply wishes on Facebook personally as there were too many. It's the most yet. =). Round 115 people wished me there though there were some whom I barely know. But most of my friends remembered and it's more than enough.

Some wished online, many texted (You were the last I'd expect to wish me through text but honestly I'm really happy that you did; though I'm not sure if this is how I should feel) and of course there were those who verbally wished. Oh and I nearly forgot bout those who called. Really grateful for all the wishes in whatever form. Thanks again guys!!

It was a rather quiet celebration. Had dinner with family on Sat night; went to church this morning; lunch and took a nap when I came home. Then packed and took the 6pm train back to KL. The journey was 4 hours; it stopped miles away from Sentral for like 45 minutes. Still don't know why but it doesn't really matter. At least I got back safely. Michelle, my aunt's friend fetched me from the LRT station and we went to McD for supper. She's been such a blessing really.

I didn't and I don't expect much this year. I guess when we grow older these things don't really matter anymore. It's the thought that counts, right.

Being legal actually makes no difference to me. I have no intentions to go clubbing; I don't ever want to set foot in such a place that's a total waste of time, money and whatever else. This is just my opinion. Don't shoot me.

For the past 17 years of my life, I've seen miracles and breakthrough taking place in the lives of those around me and even in my own as well. And I know those were just the beginning; He's got much more in store and I'm ready to go on this journey with Him; through the joy and the pain I would promise to never let Him go for He has loved me all along.

God bless!!