amazing

It's amazing how You make the wrong things right.

As simple as it sounds, that's what He does...

And I was so bent that it was that way; yet You showed me You had other things in mind... How could You not be speaking?

Camp was good to say the least. Though I was initially feeling quite lazy to go up and down for it... And not knowing what to expect either. Being new in a strange place with only few people to call friends; those fears were wiped away few hours into camp. Instead, I came back with a whole new bunch of people I dare to call family. Girls who are like sisters; guys like brothers. It's really amazing how He brings people together... But most of all; rediscovering truths about my Father. :).

I've been busy after camp; still recovering from sickness. Practices, more practices... And alongside with that are essays I have not done. o_o. I've got 5 more days or so to settle everything and send in my applications.. The enormity of the task obviously hasn't sunk in yet - or I would be freaking out. Or is the peace just too overwhelming? I always feel I'm too extreme. 

I thank You for Your grace and Your strength that's been guiding me through; I haven't felt like giving up cause You were and are always sustaining me... 

Ecclesiastes 12:1 - Don't let the excitement of youth cause you to forget your Creator. Honor Him in your youth before you grow old and say "Life is not pleasant anymore."

Indeed... Walk on in faith. He's got such great things in mind for us; but He requires our trust. :)

break

Been working on my essays; tried to at least. Did get somewhere, not as much as I planned but still. 

5 supplements, 1 and a half done. 

I'm going back to KL tomorrow, joining a youth camp on Sunday to Wed. A much needed break; can't wait to see what He has for me, all He'll say to me, all He'll remind me. And other things too. For once in a long time, I have no responsibilities in camp; can finally enjoy as a normal camper. 

When I'm back, it's back to applications; have to go all out. 

But till then, I'm taking a break. 

And I just completed The Pursuit of God by Tozer today.. Parents bought it for me when they went to the States for Sam's graduation 2 years back.. I read halfway but stopped and just took it up again recently. Christian books aren't meant to be read like a novel; gotta really read and chew on it... It's a really good read. And I've learned a whole lot... Will perhaps blog about it when I have the time. 

God bless :)

This life, is all for You. 

too busy to pray?

Ever been too busy to pray?

Found yourself rushing through devotions before exams; when there's a pile of homework waiting, you just mutter a short prayer, maybe read a chapter or two and sleep cause you're already tired?

Do everything else, leave the last of the time you have for Him, realized you're too tired and tell God; "I'm sorry Lord, but I'll be back tomorrow, I'm too tired right now - surely You understand?"

Surely He does. 

I've been guilty of this at some points of my life; maybe for the most part too. And I'm sure most of you fellow Christians know what I'm talking about. 

The question is; should we go about this?

We know the answer is no, but there's just so much to do, right? How does one ever find the time?

Just this past week, before the SAT exam, I was 'busy'.. Not exactly studying, maybe a little, I was just busy. I did my devotions but I rushed through them, leaving it for the last. I thought it'd be okay.

On Saturday night, as I was doing my devotion, I suddenly felt so far from Him - I felt as if I've lost the fellowship with Him. I felt sad to know that the more time I spent apart from Him, the bigger the gap was between us. I knew He was there, but I couldn't feel it. It scared me... And then I realized that our busyness and preoccupations can make us blind to our spiritual condition. We no longer realize that we are empty, we have no joy simply because we do not spend time fellowshipping with Him. 

No activity can replace our need to dwell in His presence, not even church activities. We cannot grow if there is no sacrifice on our part. And part of this sacrifice involves our time. 

We profess that we love Him week in and week out, yet never really giving Him the time He deserves? It's not that we have to be praying every moment. There isn't even a specific length of time or formula that makes up for our devotion. But simply being conscious of Him each and every moment. And finding our fulfillment, strength just being with Him and not just muttering a prayer or two. Not rushing through devotion so we can spend time doing anything else... For He looks at the heart. 

Any time we find ourselves too busy for Him - it's when we really need to stop and ask ourselves what we're doing... 

He created us, for His pleasure. He gave us all, He deserves our all. 

And to end the story, He reminded me once again, of His never ending grace; He will always take us back no matter what. Isn't it just beautiful?

James 4:8 - Come close to God and God will come close to You.

Lamentations 3: 22 - 25 - The LORD’S lovingkindnesses indeed never cease, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; Great is Your faithfulness. “The LORD is my portion,” says my soul, “Therefore I have hope in Him.” The LORD is good to those who wait for Him, To the person who seeks Him. 

 

Took the SAT on Saturday. It was tough, as always. Obviously one can't really do much within a week. 

But it was a good experience nevertheless. I don't recall any exam that really had me rushing through every question with no spare time to check. And because every wrong multiple choice answer will deduct a quarter mark from your score, I left some blank; really couldn't shoot at all. The answers were too close. Haha

Now that it's over, I can finally start working on my application essay and college supplements. More work... I hope to send everything by the 23rd. Really have to rush now.

And Christmas is coming. :).

Will update more later. Till then!

frivolous

They say college applications will drive you mad to the point where you feel like pulling out all your hair.

I've got less than a month to complete everything and no I haven't reached that stage yet. 

Progress = 30% 

Frivolous' the word for me.

I'm taking the SAT on Saturday; already planned it some time ago, at least 2 months ago but look at how much time I have left now. Procrastination - I really have nothing to say. Only have myself to blame. But then again, no point regretting now. I'll try to make the most out of these few days left. 

When my mum's friend heard I was going to prepare for the SATs in a week; she was shocked; "Is that even possible? I thought it'd take months to be ready."

If I can break 2000, it'd be a miracle. There's only so much one can do, right.

Exams are in January but I have to set it aside for now; at least till applications are done with. 

And just a reminder; life is short, it really is.

It hurts to see the ones you love suffer. It often makes you question the One above... 

But I choose to believe; everything happens for a reason. I know it to be true.

I echo Job's words... "I know that You can do all things, & that no purpose of Yours can be thwarted"

For that reason, I am secure. :)

you won't know

You are gone before I had the chance to say it,

You are gone before I said its you I miss, 

You are gone before I got the chance and I know it's time to let go.

I really don't know what to say. I don't know what to feel either. 

It's kinda sad to see that things have become like this; just before you had to leave. 

We were always close, without a care, we were different. No matter what people said, we knew what we were. And I was happy while you were around. You were nothing more than a close friend.

Never wanted this, never want to see you hurt

Then I don't know what happened; and I'm left wondering why. It's unfair to you, and it hurts me too. But we're still acting as if nothing's wrong; you don't even know that I know. And there's no way I can ever say I knew. 

I thought I could tell you what you mean to me, but things will just get more complicated and I can't risk that.

I have enough complications in my life. 

Nothing we say is gonna save us from the fall out

So this is where it ends. I'm really sorry. 

I have to let this go; let you go. 

I wish we could go back to those days... But that will never happen.

It's two a.m., feelin' like I just lost a friend
Hope you know it's not easy, easy for me

It's time. 

Goodbye. 

I'm back home. Today was the last day of the 3rd semester; it's been a good one. Compared to the previous two, it was just different. New lessons, new experiences, new friendships, new problems. Strengthening of ties, moments of realization - it all came. I'll blog more about this another time.

Lots of things to do now; besides the usual.

God bless!

Coursework's been FINALLY handed in. Really such a relief.

Will be going back on Friday.

2 more days to spend with my July peeps (Science and few of the Arts people)

It's really sad just thinking about it.

But I always knew the time will come. We all do.

Gone

The song I wrote with Vicki; the lines in italic are the ones I wrote, just to distinguish. :)

Gone

I can’t believe how I just let you go

I didn’t know when it started to grow

These feelings left inside are hurting so

I always showed that you weren’t even close

Just when I realized what you mean to me

* You’ll be gone before I get the chance to say this

You’ll be gone long before I say it’s you I miss

You’ll be gone before I get the chance though I know it’s time to let go

To let go

It was a Friday when you came to me

Just like a dream that I couldn’t see

And then I think about the days where you

Would comfort me and let me be

And when I realized what you mean to me

There’s no point dancing my fingers on ivory anymore

Cause you are the life of my melody

So now the time has come for you to leave; before you go

There is just one thing you need to know… 

The song personally means alot to me, just felt like saying that...

gone - music video

I posted this on FB, but I'll put it here anyway. 

So college had a music video competition organized by the Sessions Club. We had to submit our video this past Monday and today was the event where we watched the videos and the winners were chosen etc.

I simply put my name in for fun not thinking about what to do. Winner would get prize money but that wasn't even in my mind; competition was too tough. Got Vicki in with me and we decided to do an original song since it bears more marks; she had a chorus so I took it and added the remaining parts; then we wrote the bridge as well. She came over my place during the weekend and we barely slept; editing the video and all. 

Anyway, it turns out pretty okay and by God's grace we came in 2nd place. Really unexpected; the other entries were good as well. Kenneth came in 1st; good for him. I owe it to my awesome batch mates who supported us all the way. Though our batch is the smallest; they came and cheered the most. 

And the song really means a lot to me; I shall not go on about it. 

Credits to Mei Xian and Isaac for being our actors and all the rest who came in as well. 

Thank God for everything.

And thank you.

the end

So there's exactly a week left; not counting the next two days for the Science people in college. At this moment, I feel grateful that I still have another semester to go; I'm definitely not ready to leave yet. 

But at the same time, with 3/4 of my friends leaving; college won't be the same. I'll save this for next time. I just want to say that it'll be hard to see them leave, especially those I'm close to.

We live in a world that is constantly moving fast; change comes; people come and go; some you will never meet again.

And He reminded me that when everything fades; when everyone leaves.

He remains...

How comforting...

He's enough for me.

the love that you've been looking for

I always loved this song and somehow I felt that even though the band who sang it (98 Degrees) weren't Christian the lyrics can speak about His love.

And I just found out that it was in the album for Music Inspired By Jesus the Epic Mini-Series; no wonder... It was about His love after all.

Do read on to be inspired and refreshed by the truth of His love..

Lonely, that's not how we're meant to be
But looking in your eyes I see
A heart that was abandoned
By a world that used to show you love 
You feel like you're the only one
Whose day begins without the sun
You're left to turn and face it all alone

Well, I know sometimes it seems as if
fate has done you wrong
But if you look inside your heart
you'll find the strength to carry on

You've got to leave it all behind you
Break through those lonely chains that bind you
'Cause love's not far away, it's gonna find your heart someday
And when you feel it's warmth surround you
You'll realize that love has found you
So turn away your fears
'Cause the love that you've been looking for is here

Suddenly, your broken heart begins to see
a love that lasts eternally
Just look ahead and never ever let a single tear drop from your eye
It breaks my heart to see you cry
The pain that haunts you every night
Because of all the emptiness inside

Well, I know sometimes it seems as if your heart is caving in
But if we look inside the soul we'll find the love we have within

I know sometimes when things go wrong
You search for strength carry on
But all we need to take control
Is the love within my soul
'Cause you know that love will find a way
To reach your heart again someday
You must believe it's true
Now all you have to do

late 19

Group picture at MidValley. (Some left earlier)

So my 19th was great to say the least. :)

Basically, we went there after the Science students finished their paper. Had lunch then went to play bowling though not everyone played. It was fun I guess. So halfway through, they started singing the birthday song and one of them brought a danish pastry that was supposed to be my cake.. I saw the trick before. Hah. Anyway, I accepted it gracefully, blew the miserable candle and ate the pastry. Then some time later the real thing came in. Guys, it's getting old.. But thanks nevertheless. I honestly didn't expect anything at all especially since exams were still on that day. 

Anyway, thanks to all who wished me. FB was really flooded with wall posts. Thanks all again! 

These 19 years have been a ride. Grateful for such wonderful parents; best gift ever.. Amazing brothers and awesome friends.

But more than anyone else, I want to thank You; for guiding me through all these years. I cannot remember a time without You; don't ever want that to come. Your faithfulness and love amazes me. I'm excited to walk on this journey with You... You're truly what life is all about.

Ipoh was great to say the least; eat, sleep, eat sleep... 

Back to normalcy once again. 3 weeks left till college ends for the semester. Science students are leaving though. :/

I still have a birthday post coming up... (more like a reminder to self)

I have alot of things to update but I barely have the time

It's gonna be a really busy month; probably the busiest? 

I got my Psychology paper today; the one I took after passing out; and by God's grace; there is no other reason; I fared pretty well. I really don't deserve it; wasn't really prepared but I'm just really amazed at what He does... Praise God anyway; all glory to Him.

Signed up for the SATs in Dec; less than a month left to the day; ALOT to work on. Taking IELTS on the 20th. Basically it's all about applications.

Need to finish coursework by Friday; the final draft... His strength shall sustain me, as always. 

I am comforted...

I think being busy isn't such a bad thing; it helps me keep my mind off things... 13/10.. That's where it started - again. Okay you're not supposed to get this.

God bless!! 

Will update more when I have the time. 

scare

Turned 19 yesterday; more bout it later..

So last night, I skipped dinner cause I was too lazy to go out and I didn't want to cook so I just drank some oats. Had my last paper for trials this morning.. I decided to leave earlier so I can eat in McD before going to college and I was quite late already so I took the taxi to the LRT station instead; I usually go to the bus hub. Then I got on the LRT was listening to songs and leaning against the edge and suddenly I felt this pain in my stomach; I was praying for it to go away and the next thing I know, I was hearing distant voices. Then I realized I was actually on the floor and people helped me up to sit. It took me awhile before I regained full consciousness; I was still dizzy and all. The lady who was talking to me told me I fainted for a few seconds and asked me what happened. So I told her; she asked me to see a doctor in case its anything serious. I haven't fainted for a long time; this is the third time in my life; last time was when I was in Form 1.. 

Went to McD; ate 3/4 and couldn't finish; rushed to the loo cause I suddenly felt like throwing up. After that I felt much, much better... Paper was in half an hour from then. Thank God I was fine by then and managed to sit through it. 

I just really want to thank God for being there with me. I felt really sick and by His mercy and grace, He healed me. Marian said I was really pale when she saw me after my paper; thought I was going to pass out but I was alright by then.. I guess I'm alright now.. 

Thanks Marian for the 'honey' and following me to get my stuff.. Thanks to everyone else who were concerned... 

You are my Healer... 

p.s: will sleep early tonight though there are a 1001 things to do. the real work only begins after trials.. going back home tomorrow; yes again. :)

Really brief one for now.

Ipoh's been good. Great, in fact.

Phone's been fixed; some buttons were spoilt since July.

Thank You Lord for everything...

I am blessed indeed.

Still unsure about certain things.. 

I choose to trust; there's really nothing else I can do.

You allowed this; I will not complain but embrace all You have for me.

We're always asking Him what we should do; but you know sometimes for certain things I think He really wants us to just decide on our own. 

He guides me, through every step of the way.

I'm comforted. 

:)

Loves

Proverbs 19:21 - Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the LORD's purpose that prevails.

thoughts

Trials start tomorrow; two papers and I'm going back right after that. 

I'm not really prepared... But then again, too late to regret or anything.

I'm not worried bout the exams; it's other things that are bothering me...

Possibilities; they hurt. 

Because the more you think about it; the more you realize it might just be you; it's not real. And you're brought back to reality.

I really can't tell what's going on. As much as I hope; I know that there's a large chance I'm going to end up being disappointed again.

There's really nothing else I can do but trust. Yet I'm grateful for all that's happened. I really couldn't have asked for more.. Thank You Lord for allowing me to be happy... And though pain is not too far away; I ask for Your strength to guide me through these times... 

Psalm 73:26 - My health may fail, and my spirit may grow weak, but God remains the strength of my heart; he is mine forever.

You're all I need.

love

God isn't just loving; He is Love.

How often we forget the simple truth; that He loves us.

His love completes us. It's beautiful.

"I have loved you with an everlasting love." No one on earth will ever be able to say such a thing because simply put; no one has the full capacity to love unconditionally; eternally... But there is One who does.

Take some time to just ponder on what it really means; to be loved by Him...

Truly, the more we understand His love; the more we are changed. 

Psalm 33:22 - Let Your unfailing love surround us Lord, for our hope is in You alone

When all of a sudden, 
I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory,
And I realise just how beautiful You are,
And how great Your affections are for me.

He loves us. :)

my source of strength

I'm done with my coursework; just the conclusion left but it will suffice for now till trials are over.

Kinda relieved but I know there's ALOT of editing and rewriting to be done cause I would admit that I didn't put much effort into it; it's not the best I can come up with; haven't read that much either to put together something really great. That's exactly how I felt for my previous coursework folder but somehow it fared well. This time however, is a different story. Oh, well, at least there's still time to edit.

I'm just so amazed to see how He's carried me through this. I literally had to force myself to write on Sunday; cause my whole Saturday was spent doing nothing productive; aside from going to church. Planned to write 700-800 words; ended up writing 900. I prayed for His strength and He did grant me what I requested. Today, I had to write my last paragraph and expected to finish in at least 3 hours; I'm an hour ahead of schedule... Thank You Lord. :)

Trials are coming up next week; Tuesday's my first two papers then I can go home for a few days till the next paper. Although I don't think it'd be such a good idea cause I end up sleeping most of the time. So, those in Ipoh, please remind me to study. Hah.

And as always I haven't started studying. I'll try to start tomorrow... I amuse myself.

Oh today's 20.10.2010; didn't realize it till just now. I recall exactly what happened 1 year ago; perhaps some of you might know it... Alot has changed since then; and of course the wounds have healed; His love did it.

great

The week has been a great one to say the least. High Praise was on Friday; the events that led to it were uncalled for; problems arose and for a moment it seemed as if it wasn't going to go well; but God is so much greater than we know and at the end of the day, I learnt that when we give it all to Him, He blesses us tremendously. 

I have alot to say about it; how He came and touched me personally when I really needed His strength and comfort prior to the event. But this would suffice for now. 

I've also stepped down as V.P for CF, it's been a year serving in the CF committee, half a year as vp; it's been a humbling and great journey. I will also post the things in which I've learnt from serving... 

A few events during the week have particularly cheered me; which I will not mention. I have to say I am really surprised they took place after all... And I thank God for the wonderful opportunities; never would've imagined it... I am blessed indeed. 

I am happy; His joy fills me.. :)

Right now, I just wanna thank Him for everything. For showering me with love each and everyday.. 

Psalm 16:8 - I have set the LORD always before me. Because he is at my right hand, I will not be shaken. 

testimony of grace

I just had to share this. God is so REAL.

This morning when I was going out of the house (condo) to go to college, I was gonna wear my sport shoes on and then I realized - it was gone... I always put it beside the cupboard. So I texted Joyce, who I'm staying with and asked if she saw it; she said she saw it last night; we assumed it was stolen... There could be no other reason for the shoes to be gone. It's within reach from the grill door. But who would want to steal shoes??? Oh well. 

I didn't really feel angry anything (what for..); just sad that I have to burden my parents to get me another pair; so I prayed that by some way the shoes would be returned but I didn't have high hopes on it... 

When I came back just now; the shoes weren't there of course... But before I went inside, I had a prompting to check the fire exit... I ignored it at first but then I thought; what if its the Spirit? At the same time I was doubting that anything will happen... I still went and true enough my shoes were there... I was really, really amazed and grateful.. God You amuse me... 

Isn't it amazing how He works? How He speaks? It's through these little things that proves His very existence, His love and grace... I did think of it; even if I didn't find my shoes; I have no reason to complain. For every trouble/problem is an opportunity to experience His grace, to trust in Him.. To hold on to Him. To forgive, to exercise patience; the list will go on and on...

It's a good day.. Thank You Lord... :)

Your love takes my breath away.

I've found a new joy in His presence, new joy in being with Him everyday. No wonder I've been so empty; I haven't been coming to Him enough. There's been so many distractions in my life; so many unnecessary things.. Trying to cut down on my time online; I'm limiting myself now... It's not exactly a really hard thing to do to be honest... I just realized how much time I've wasted; guilty...

I am really tired right now; physically.. The past weeks have been tiring (particularly last week) and this week is packed with long college hours and practices; it's a joy though... Assignments piling up, coursework left unattended; applications not started on, trials coming up... the list will go on. Yet I'm not moved; I'm not afraid. For He is with me, He is my strength and He will never fail.

Just a few insights;

1. The knowledge and a deeper understanding of His love will change us if we open up our hearts... It is impossible not to be changed when we realize how much He's given to us...

2. Living a life apart from Him is meaningless; worldly pursuits fade in time. (more on this later)

3. Everything will fade away; He alone shall remain.. That in itself is such an amazing thing.. 

4. Rest is not something He gives; it is in Him we find rest; not a thing to be taken apart. 

5. Being still requires us to just be quiet; not to ask Him anything; not to utter anything; but just waiting upon Him.

6. The closer we get to Him; the more we grow in our relationship with Him; the lesser our desire will be for the things of the world... 

Indeed, You are all I need in this life. 

his love

Ephesians 3:18-19 - And may you have the power to understand, as all God's people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep, his love is. May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God.

Just last Monday, I was in the train back to KL in the morning. And when I closed my eyes, I suddenly saw a mental picture; it was a picture of a cup and a HUGE container. I couldn't see how big the container was, but it seemed to have no end to its size. I began to think what it could possibly mean and as I continued to ponder, I felt the Lord was reminding me of His love.

The cup represents our lives and the container represents all that is of Him; His love. Every day, we must come to Him with our cup that can only contain small portions. The container has no limit in size, just like how His love is.. He wants to fill our cups daily, with the knowledge and experience of His love. And as we faithfully come to Him with our cup, He will fill it more and more each day. But it doesn't stop here, we should not be content with just being 'full' but for our cup to overflow continually. David said "my cup overflows, surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life"Indeed, it is when our cup overflows that His love will begin to permeate each and every area of our lives, and eventually, His love will be too much to contain that we begin to "overflow" into the lives of those around us. 

Can there be anything greater than knowing how much He loves you? 

You can search the whole world and you will never find greater love than this.

Yet aren't we always guilty of searching for other loves? I myself would admit that I often forget that it is in His love I am made complete - He is more than enough for me.

The knowledge and understanding of His love transforms us - as we open up our hearts... Never be content, never be satisfied... 

Indeed, His love knows no bounds.

once again

I'm at the same place once again, filled with emotions I dread, filled with thoughts I don't want to have, filled with feelings I want to relinquish. 

I can't believe that it's only now that I see, now that I realize... Is it what He's showing me? Or is it just what I perceive? 

For I know not why He allows this; perhaps He feels it will bring me closer to Him, the more I am weak, the more He can display strength. He certainly knows my weaknesses, for He challenges the very thing I promised by bringing in situations to test my word. 

God, how could You not be real? You know my heart well, you know me even more than I know myself... 

And as much as I'm afraid of being here once again, I hear a gentle whisper; a fading voice saying

"My child, trust in Me." 

Yes Lord, I will trust. 

There is nothing greater than being with You. Jesus, take over. 

he healeth me

Two days ago, I was just thinking and talking to Him and I realized that He's been more than faithful.

Numerous times I cried out to Him - telling Him that I feel so weak and powerless; that I feel broken and empty and that I'm not sure if I can go on... And like Paul; 

I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. (2 Corinthians 12: 8-10)

Psalm 30:2 - O Lord my God, I cried out to You and You healed me.

And when I looked back the other day, I realized how He's healed those wounds. Those things I couldn't let go, I have done so now, through His mercy and grace. It's happened so much faster than I expected. Perhaps He is preparing me for much harder times, I know it will be painful but I am ready... I want to be ready when the time comes...

There is nothing He cannot do. Those times you feel as if you can't go on, redirect your focus back to Him, look at the Cross.. He bore it for you; will he not then carry you through? 

I have found the greatest comfort of all, and no one can take it away from me.

This love I have found - completes me.

Can we find a friend so faithful
who will all our sorrows share?
Jesus knows our every weakness;
take it to the Lord in prayer.

the call

I've been busy.

CF Camp was from the 9th to 12th. Then WorshipGod conference at DUMC from 16th to 19th. But I'm not going for tomorrow's service cause I went for the evening one just now already. Finally will be able to rest tonight. Haven't caught up with sleep; no time after camp.

God has been so amazing and will always continue to be. Camp was so great, because He chose to dwell in our midst. Will post a full post on camp when I'm free. And as for WorshipGod, He spoke to me alot as well. Put the two together, I daresay He's spoken to me these 2 weekends more than past few months together..

I'm in awe of You...

And today, a commitment I made to Him some time ago has been reaffirmed. It's difficult and painful to know He wants me to keep it. But I know it's for a greater good and He has great plans... I trust Him. :)

Will post about my experiences and what I learnt. Till then!

off

Just finished camp stuff - going to pack now. It's 2AM. Hah.

CF Camp's tomorrow. It's gonna be in Barre I.J.Centre, went there 4 years ago for ISCF camp, that was the first.

May God's will be done, praying that this camp would truly be a breakthrough for many and that lives would be changed...

I am excited to see what He has in store...

Will blog after camp. Till then. :)

God, I'm in awe of You.

old habits die hard

Yes they do.

Was back in Ipoh for a week, came back here on Friday.

So what did I do for the whole week. Eat, sleep, online, camp stuff. That's all. College has a Qualifying Test on Tuesday and Wednesday; all subjects; it's merely a test you have to pass if you want to sit for the A-Level papers in January. 

Not really important I daresay.... I brought books back to Ipoh knowing I wouldn't touch them - I was right. And I still haven't touched them. I've decided to leave it for tomorrow.

Assignments not done yet, honestly this lazy bug is really hard to get rid of. They say you need to do something for 21 consecutive days and it becomes a habit. I've been like this ever since I entered school... 

No use complaining I guess. Just hoping to scrape through and pass the tests. What's the worse that could happen anyway? 

Camp's on Thursday :D.

And how can I forget to mention. I started watching Moonlight Resonance online two days ago. I really wanted to watch it on TV, but I come back late most of the time and the TV area's not really good here either. And there's like 40 episodes. 0_0. I'm only at 13... Hah.

Ok I really got to start on my assignments now!

Till then. Will post one after the tests.. So pointless! Never had it before. Thanks to a bunch of people. 

Oh well. I shan't complain. And God is great. :)

weighed down

It's one of those moments where my mind keeps planting these negative thoughts in my head about my circumstances, about people and situations I face.

I choose not to believe it but it keeps replaying at the back of my head and I can't seem to push them away.

Then I feel weighed down, and sad at the possibility of it being true...

But do I have a reason to feel like this? Should I feel like this?

I get really tired of it all sometimes. I didn't choose this path, it chose me. I didn't ask to be here, I just arrived. I didn't want to come, but I am here. And there's no turning back now... It'll take time before anything changes, yet again...

What do I do in the meantime? I will trust Him and will continue to do so. Is there really anything else I can do? The answer is a clear no...

He knows best... He allowed all these, I shall not question...

Lord You are sovereign.. How funny I should be feeling like this now; this morning's sermon was on suffering and how we should face it.... 

Perhaps the test has only begun... 

I'm holding on Lord, don't ever let me go.... You're all I have in this world. All I know that will never fail. That in itself is comforting to me... :)

short

Just a short one for now. 

Came back to Ipoh a few hours ago. Glad to be home, it's a one week break... Lots to do. 

I'm grateful. :)

Thank You Lord for all the blessings I've been given... 

And that's it for a rare super brief post from me.

Till then, blog soon!

mixed

Happy Birthday Viann! :)

Hope you had a great one. Be strong, take courage, continue to seek Him with all your heart, God bless you always. :D

Parents were in Singapore over the weekend, took my grandparents and uncle down for a holiday. They enjoyed themselves I guess. Sam was there too but he flew back, met him in Sentral, went back home first and went for dinner with parents when they reached. So glad to see them :). Dinner was at Pizza Uno at Centrepoint, pretty good. Dad said it was a treat for me. Anyway, 3 more days and I'll be home for a week.. Finally, I need a break! Sick Tired of this KL life. 

Now that I've gotten AS results, I'm afraid I might get lazier. I don't really need the grades for university applications anymore. But I'm not saying I'm going to slack or something, just got to fight the tendency. Haven't started on applications, so much to do. 24 hours a day is just not enough yet I can still be here and type this... Hah. 

They say that the more you honour God, the more God honours you. I guess its true. God is indeed faithful, merciful even to those who have fallen, to those who don't deserve it...

Well, that's why mercy is not getting what you deserve and grace is getting what you don't deserve. Everyday is a testament of His grace. I don't deserve His love, no, but He chose to love me, despite my flaws. He chose to love YOU. And if the One who created the Universe and all there is to it would love creatures like us, do we dare still see ourselves as worthless beings? 

He is Love. :)

mercy and grace

It's close to 1 and I've still got lots of things to do; I think it'll be at least 2.30 before I can hit the sacks and I've got to wake up at 5smtg.. Oh, well.

Last night, I wrote in my devotional journal "I surrender my results to You o Lord. No matter what happens, I will hold on, I will love You, always." 

So results were released today, for the A-Level exams we took in June. Honestly, I didn't even realize how fast this day would come. I didn't dread it, nor did I look forward to today. I've been quite cool about it. No feelings, not much question nor anticipation nor dismay. I had a feeling that my results would be rather disappointing, at least one or two. And I said to myself it would be alright cause I know how little I worked for it and how much effort I could've put in considering the ample time I had to study. They say God helps those who help themselves. Sounds biblical but it isn't even in the Bible. It's not entirely true cause once again, I experienced His grace and mercy.

Seeing the results slip, I felt like crying, because I am so amazed at what He does. I do not deserve it, yet time and again, He proves that even if I think I cannot do it, He can. Even when I feel I don't deserve it, He shows me grace. I've been guilty of limiting Him and saying no miracle will happen. Well, today I was reminded that they do. And He does it in His own time and way. Of course, I can't continue taking His grace for granted. I often think how it would've been if I had fared rather badly... But I know whatever it is, He has a plan, and it is perfect. 

Romans 11:36 - For everything comes from him and exists by his power and is intended for his glory. All glory to him forever! Amen.

God, You truly, truly, amaze me.. I'm in awe of You. Not so much about what I've been granted.. But because of who You are... You are so real, more than I can ever imagine. :)

jg

More pics of College's MidSummer Masquerade/Halloween Masquerade/McRave

Su Kheng as a Mime (Pics from her camera as well.) :)

 The Greek Goddess and Egyptian Queen 

Mid Valley last Friday. Started out with 15+ ppl but everyone else decided to go back instead cause they didn't wanna watch movie with us, they practically came for nothing, didn't even eat. 0_0. Anyway, watched SALT. Pretty good movie. Definitely better than what I expected.  

I tortured the guys with Fuzzy Wuzzy the whole time before the movie, it was hilarious. Hah. Till then. :)

awesome god

Hillsong Seminar and Concert. :)

Was absolutely thrilled to find out they were coming to IPOH the most awesome place in Malaysia; KL is no match!! At first I was quite skeptical about it; doubting if it was even true. Of course, I knew the main band wouldn't be coming. Wouldn't be seeing the likes of Darlene Zschech, Joel Houston, Marty Sampson, Brooke Ligertwood, Jad Gillies and the list goes on... 

I've always loved Hillsongs particularly for their God-inspired and awesome praise and worship songs. There are just too many great ones... And the songs are all written from the heart, no pretense. 

Anyway, I went back on Tuesday evening after college. Seminar was on Wed morning, concert in the night. It was simply great. The band comprised of students from the Hillsong International Leadership College, and half of the members were American alongside other nations as well. Ps. Lee Burns (College Principal) and Ps. Josh Kimes (FUEL pastor) were the speakers and they were amazing. 

As a whole, it was worth going back for it; I took the 4.40 am train the next morning and made it for classes. Just being with a large crowd, singing songs to Him, being in His presence, hearing the Word, feeling encouraged and challenged, seeing hundreds get saved; what could be better? God is just so GREAT, all honour and glory to Him!

And kudos to the organizing committee and volunteers as well as everyone else who had a part in this.. God bless y'all... Everything done for His kingdom is never wasted. 

While the offering was being passed around, God pressed upon my heart a certain amount I should give. I doubted if that was what He really wanted. But I felt peace after giving and I knew it then. :)

God is not silent, He's always speaking.. We are not silent, we are not listening... How true is that?

us applications workshop

My weekend was pretty much taken up by this event. 

It was at the Taylors Lakeside Campus yesterday and today. For both days; it lasted from 9am-6pm with only an hour break in between. Though I felt pretty tired here and there, I'd say it was worth the time and money.

I've done quite a lot of research on the U.S prior to this but I guess the workshop pretty much covered everything one needs to know to get ready for the application process. There're A LOT of things to do. I knew it all along yet I kept it on hold cause I've been so busy with college. 

For those who are interested to study in the U.S, you really missed a lot by not going for the workshop. Even things like interviews (mock ones too), essays, CommonApp and its supplements were covered extensively. The thing I remember the most and it was constantly echoed by many facilitators was that the application process is tedious and hard work but it also helps one to discover his/her true self. I'm yet to see that but I guess I will.

There were inspiring stories and encouragement for people like me who are afraid of getting bad SAT scores or have bad grades. Cause every aspect is looked at so it's pretty wholesome. And for me, I'm not going to apply to any Ivy League schools nor all those top ranked-ones. I'd go for any good liberal arts college around. 

I realize there isn't much time left; got less than 5 months to get everything done. Sounds pretty long but what with Lit coursework, college, tests and all, it's gonna be a very grueling period. I'm gonna have to take SATs in Nov/Dec too so I've gotta prepare for it too. Besides that, I need to get several forms filled, write application essays, research on colleges and courses etc. It's really overwhelming to see how much there needs to be done. And the thought itself makes me question if I can actually do all of it....

But a lot of the facilitators mentioned how at times you'll just feel like pulling your hair out and giving up in the middle of the process but you shouldn't give up cause the end will be worth it. Whether we make it to the schools we want to go is a whole different story, but even if we fail, knowing that we've tried we'll have no regrets. 

I know I don't have it in me to do all of this. But He's here for me; my source of strength and comfort. I'm really tired now, both physically and mentally from all that's been going on the past two days. But He will carry me through. 

Oh just to do Your will.. I'll try my best o Lord, and leave the rest to You... May You open the right doors, whichever they may be. 

:)

loyalty

About two months ago, when World Cup was just starting, I wrote a post on the probability of Mascherano, Gerrard and Torres leaving the club.

Mascherano's most probably leaving for Inter. Gerrard committed to stay right after Joe Cole signed for Liverpool. Torres just pledged to stay as well. He even had this to say:
"My commitment and loyalty to the club and to the fans is the same as it was on my first day when I signed. I am looking forward to the challenge ahead."

The picture that made people realize he might not leave after all..

My admiration and respect for this guy has increased. I'm not surprised though; he was always loyal to the club despite speculation from the press and his own doubts about the club. He's not going to leave the club when they need him; when the season gets tougher, when they need to rebuild their confidence after a bad season. Some multi-million deal isn't gonna attract him, unlike some player I know; need I say who. Gerrard too, is a true mark of a captain.

Liverpool isn't just a great club with a great history and great achievements; they have great players. Players who have a heart to play and go all out. Of course, they've also got great fans who've been the driving force of the club... As I said before, you stick to your club through thick and thin.

2 weeks to EPL, I'm getting all pumped up. :D

mcrave

The annual college BBQ Nite was renamed McRave this year. The theme was Halloween Masquerade which was changed to MidSummer Masquerade instead. Most people were confused bout what the dress code really was so there was a mix of everything; from scary costumes, to princesses to really random ones like Sushi King guy and whatever else..

It was funny because I was absolutely clueless on what to go as so 2 weeks ago when I was talking to Su Kheng, I told her I had no idea and she was like; JUNGLE GIRL LA. (It's my nickname in college, an inside joke) Errr... Okay. She gave suggestions like coconut shells, leaves and stuff... Lol. Thinking it would be hard I didn't really want to do it. And on Sunday I told Vicki about it and she said it was possible. So we went to shop for stuff on Tuesday and ideas came up here and there.

The event was on Friday evening. Went to change in Vicki's place and the girls helped me with my costume.. Thanks so much!

People said I look more like Bamm Bamm... Kai Yen in the background. Haha

With Shernali (Cowgirl) and Praise (Hip Hop star)

Waiting for the other pics to be uploaded on FB. This is the last college event that the whole 0907 is gonna have... Sigh... Next year we'll have our last semester without the Science people. :(

The event was not bad, and I'm glad Chicken People featured. Chicken People is a group of the July juniors, mostly all international students who did a sketch that had Justin Bieber, George Bush (an Iraqi guy, HAH) and Paris Hilton (a 'sexy' guy).. It was really hilarious and original... Not everyone thinks so but kudos to their efforts and I haven't laughed because a sketch for a very long time already..

Anyway, the dancefloor was opened after the event but as usual I preferred not to join it. Dancing is definitely not my thing. Though I missed the 'best' part of the night, I actually enjoyed my time, just hanging around. :)

Thank God for performing a miracle. It was raining prior to the event, so it was delayed by nearly half an hour. And it was still drizzling in the beginning but it stopped soon after... Isn't He just amazing?

I'll cherish every moment now. Thank You Lord for everything.

a year

It's been a year of college. That fast. So I've got another one to go, but it really feels as if the months have just gone by without me even realizing..

I think most of you know that this wasn't the plan. It's amazing how He work things out but yea I'm here. Sometimes I still wonder how it would've been if I went to Sg instead; what would it be like; what kind of friends would I have; what problems and circumstances would I face... And there are the few times I wish I didn't change my mind... 

But to think of it right now, I cannot imagine myself being anywhere else. God has a plan and I trust Him. Though half my college time has gone by, I know there's another half left. I've made mistakes, I have regrets in my one year here. There are things I wish I could undo, words I wish had gone unsaid, people I wished I could know better, people I wished I didn't meet, times I wish I could turn back.. Isn't that always the case? So I choose not to remain thinking what could've/should've and would've been.

I'm looking forward to what's ahead now. It's been tough, tiring and at times, I feel close to burning out yet His strength has never once failed me and I know it never will. Such a great thing to know... :)

These few weeks, I've been feeling rather weird about something. Had anyone suggested it to me much earlier I would've dismissed it. I never thought about the possibility, until now. I'm not sure why, maybe I'm beginning to see things in a different light. Could it be Him who's opening my eyes? I've been trying so hard, could it just be what's in front of me? I don't want to think. I'll let Him. 

And I really want to thank Him again, for placing me here. For all my friends.. I can already see the friends I'm going to want to keep for the rest of my lives.

I've also realized, that we can go through the same thing again and again yet never learn our lesson... All pursuits apart from Him are futile, they don't last; they can never bring us happiness.. At least not for long. 

He's all I need.

BGR

CF was on BGR today; I honestly think it was a good session, not just because it was a touchy, interesting and relevant topic but because I remembered alot of things that I've been challenged to do these past years; and that is to trust Him for He knows best.

All of us dream of having a love story; especially for us girls; it's not really something we're ashamed of... We all love fairy tales at some point of time, and we wonder if we will ever have that 'happy ending'. Don't talk about Prince Charming, he doesn't exist, never will. Of course Jesus is our true Prince, no human will ever come close..

The message was really interesting today; and I won't really say what he talked about.. I'd say the message was simple; for me, there wasn't anything really new, but it was freshly approached so it was new in that sense... For me it was as if God was reminding me about what I've learnt over the past years through experiences and reading books about these kind of stuff.... And ultimately through His word.

I think I take a very radical stand when it comes to relationships that many people, sadly to say even Christians might laugh at and say I'm being too rigid. God willing, I only want one relationship in my life; and that someday that would be the person I would spend the rest of my life with. I don't want to waste my emotions away, not anymore.

I guess most of you who know me would know I've never been involved in a relationship and I guess I'm proud of that. But that doesn't mean I was spared from pain. Some of you would know what I went through during what I would call the toughest moments of my life and know how hard it was for me then. I pulled through because of Him. 

If you like someone and that person likes you, it doesn't give you any reason to jump into a relationship. Prayer, seeking advice from others is so vital. What people don't see is that a relationship consumes you. It demands time, attention, care, love and so much more. I don't know how people can take these things so lightly. If something goes wrong, you'll have a broken heart. I didn't even need to be in one to experience that; what more if I actually went into any?

So please, before anything starts, think twice. Ask yourself if you're ready. Most of all, ask yourself if you're satisfied in Him.. Cause if you aren't, how can you ever be satisfied with another? Our strength, hope comes from Him and Him alone. 

This is just so true. :)

I don't know what He has for me, what will happen in the future; I have no clue... But there is one thing I know... That I have to continue to grow in Him; to pursue Him and His righteousness. I must find myself in Him before anything else.... After all, He is my reason for living. This world will fail, men will fail too; but His love remains. 

gone without goodbye

The time will come where we have to say goodbye to the people we love, the people we care about; the people who add joy to our lives, also bringing us to experience pain like never before.

Certain people, you can never forget. There're so many people in my life right now I know I will never forget, no matter where I go, no matter how far apart we become. The time will come for goodbyes... It is true when He said when one door closes, another opens. How then will we know what He has in store if everything was available to us? If all our dreams came true, what would be the point of having dreams? 

It's two a.m., feelin' like I just lost a friend
Hope you know it's not easy, easy for me

Looks like this song finally means something real to me; it came to past. You heard me. I know you won't ever see this but my prayers are with you, I just hope you know I care. You've been a good friend though I never really got the chance to know you that well; but it was enough. God bless you in all you do, may you continue to grow in Him. And I wish you happiness. :) 

I only regret not having the chance to bid a real goodbye to you.

But it'll be alright. 

Now I can finally move on. By His strength. 

all i have, all i need

I've got a reddish bruise on my thigh, I didn't even realize until I saw it. 

And I thought..

Isn't that how it's like sometimes? 

We get emotionally bruised without even knowing it. And when we realize it, it's too late; nothing can be done. Only wait, and eventually it'll be healed. 

I've realized certain things. I've been guilty of making the same mistakes. Falling into the same pattern over and over again. It's not that it's bad; but I've had enough of it to want to get involved again. I feel stupid sometimes.. This time, I won't... It's hard, but He will guide me through. 

He reminded me again of the commitment I've made; I said I wouldn't throw everything out there, I wouldn't allow anyone to dictate my emotions, to keep my eyes of Him. He's all I need, all I'd ever want. At times my flesh tells me it is not enough, but truly, He is. 

I must be satisfied. He's all I have in this life. One that will never fail, one that will never hurt. What more could I ask for? It's amazing to think that the One who has it all together, the One who holds the world, holds me and will never let me go, no matter how far I've strayed away.... 

Beautiful One, You are. 

Copa Iba

It's been quite a hectic week; wanted to post about Copa Iba but haven't had much time to get down to it. So here goes. :)

Friday: After CF, lunch with college peeps and dropping by YMCA booksale, I went to Wangsa Maju LRT with Amos; his church friend's dad picked us to go to a field nearby to practice. It was my second time meeting the team. Anyway practice was pretty intense as well as tiring. I was wondering how I would ever last the real competition when practice itself was abit too much for me. Then I realized; I barely exercise, so I guess I have an excuse. 

Went to Monica's house, one of the youths who weren't involved in the competition to stay the night. I didn't know her at all before that but she was really nice and her family was too. Went for dinner and CG after that; watched Facing the Giants; my fourth time watching. Lol. I slept shortly after I came back. The reason why I had to stay over was cause the comp was held in Klang, and I live really far from W.Maju; and I was supposed to go with them; so might as well make it easier for everyone. 

Saturday: The competition day. Met with the others at 6.15 and reached Klang in an hour. At 8 we had to gather for a brief sermon; it was an evangelistic event and the games started at 9. There were 4 groups consisting of 4 teams each; except for ours which had 5. And since we have to play each team twice, we had 8 games to play compared to other group teams who had 6. For the first time in my life, I drank a can of Red Bull and said it would be my last. Too sweet and medicinal tasting for my liking. But later on when I thought about it, I actually had a surge of energy that day and the 2 hours of gameplay didn't really wear me out like I expected. It must've been the Red Bull. I might just consider bearing with it in case of emergencies in the future.

The church I played for sent 2 teams, and sadly the draw was such that we were put in the same group. Well, overall we won 4 out of 8 games. The other church team won nearly all their games and went all the way to the semi's but were knocked out there. Anyhow, I think they played really well and were unlucky to get such a tough draw. For us, I think everyone did their best too, but with inexperienced people like me, I think there wasn't that much expectations either. Well, the main point is we had fun.

The day had so much drama. I thought I was rough; but when I came here, I realized what rough meant. Girls shoving, pushing, acting, shouting. You name it. I was downplayed in that sense, I didn't feel like being rough either; there wasn't supposed to be any body contact. Certain things happened which most of us felt like it was really unfair. But then again, it's the experience that counts and at least we tried... 

The whole team before the game.

Left at 4 plus, went for Bak Kut Teh with 24 other people; not everyone who came and played came along. Around 6, I was in one of the cars and was dropped off at Universiti LRT station; found out the LRT was down so I had no choice but to get back in the car. I didn't know how I was to go back. It was raining and there was jam; couldn't contact my friends at the condo either. So I ended up staying another night in Monica's place. Was really tired, slept early and woke up for the Germany-Uruguay match. Literally had to drag myself out of bed, muscles were already aching. The match was tensed enough to keep me awake. No regrets. 

Sunday: Went to their church. Service was alright. Met a few of those who were in the teams and stuff. Good to see them again for the last time perhaps. After brunch I was dropped off at Sentral and went back home from there. 

It was 3 tiring days for me, but I have no regrets though initially I had second thoughts about it. Made new great friends; and the competition experience was really something I would remember and cherish in the future. Definitely a highlight this year. I've never actually competed in any real competition; putting school Sports Day aside. And when I told my mum I was going to, she said she didn't know I played any particular sport. If you'd call Captain Ball a sport that is. Hah.

Both teams together

Guess everything worked out for the better. Thanks to my team mates and everyone else who has been so supportive and nice; all EEFC people whom I met. Thanks Amos for asking me to join the competition. Thanks to Monica and family who was so kind to have me stay over for 2 nights though I was a complete stranger. And most of all, I thank God for allowing everything to happen and fall into place. Thank You. :)

the sum up

Been pretty busy for the past few days and a few hectic days coming up as well. 

I'm having a World Cup hangover. Hah.

And really glad Spain won it. Couldn't have asked for more.

Will update more when I can find the time; about Copa Iba especially. An unforgettable experience though I'm paying the price with muscle aches. But thank God for the pretty speedy recovery. I thought it would last for at least a few days but it seems to be getting much better. :).

I still struggle with certain issues, who doesn't? And it all comes down to a matter of trust. There is no one else I can entrust my life with, I can hope in; He alone is my fortress. I may have worries, I may have fears, but knowing He's got it all in control, makes me feel alright. 

Till then!

exert

Just a short update; since I've been posting mostly about W.Cup recently.

Copa Iba's on Saturday. It's a Captain Ball and Futsal tournament organized by the I (not sure wht it stands for) Brethren Association. You might be asking, how did I end up participating. I'm not even fit. Lol. So Amos asked me to help out cause his church team needed more girls. 6 girls and 3 guys need to be on court; so yea. As much as I feel I will be quite useless; I'm gonna try my best to help them. Supposed to exercise this week since I need to build up on my stamina. We have to play 8 games, 16 minutes each, that's only for group stage. You get the picture. Just hope I don't screw up and cause them to lose.

College tmr and I think it will be practice after that, and gonna stay over at a team-mate's place I think. Comp's in Klang and we need to be there by 6am.. It's quite impossible for me to go there from where I'm staying right now so yea.

There's a blood donation drive tmr in college and I'm quite interested to take part but seeing that the competition's on Sat, I'm taking no risks. It's not a small thing, donating blood. One needs to be physically and mentally prepared. 

Till then. :). 

It's You. 

mixed feelings

I was right. Watching the Spain - Germany match yesterday, I felt numb. I couldn't cheer for anything. Couldn't anticipate any team to score. Couldn't feel like Argh when a chance was missed. Couldn't celebrate Spain's goal.  Couldn't be happy that they won. Maybe just a little bit.

I'm still sad over the fact that Germany's been knocked out. Not that I don't want Spain to win; glad they did but the fact that they had to play against each other at this stage is painful enough. 

I don't recall feeling like this when Germany lost to Spain in the Euro finals; perhaps the Germans weren't as spectacular then. This time it's different. 

But at least I know it's either gonna be Spain or Holland to win it now; both teams have never won it so I'm glad one of them will. And then I'll feel sad for the one who loses again. I will choose to allow the joy to overrule. 

Two more matches and W.Cup will be over. Will definitely miss it, but hey, there's always EPL to look forward to every year.. Missing it quite abit now. May the new season usher in new hope. 

support

People often wonder; how do you support so many teams? How do you divide it; why do you do it? Obviously one of them is gonna win since you support so many. I find it interesting how people perceive this and so I shall explain why.

Most importantly, I must say that I'm not supporting so many teams because I chose to. But because time has nurtured a special feeling in me for each of the teams I support. Well, there's 5, more to 4 because 1 of it has been recent. 

Namely there's England, Spain, Germany, Holland and Argentina. Here are my reasons for supporting each country.

1. England. Why England? People call them a joke, even EPL fans which is really sad. Jeremy said this in his blog "You may be a Koppite, you may be a Red Devil, you may be a Gooner, you may be anything. However, as long as you follow the Premier League, it is in your sworn duty, to support the Three Lions."

"It's not a matter of choice, it's a matter of duty. It's not because they are good or because Frank Lampard is handsome or because you have Portugal because of one specific person. It's because you know that deep down in your heart, the English team in the only team."

It's exactly the case for me. My loyalty to the English team started since I started watching football at 7 and I always used to claim I was an English girl. 

No true EPL fan would despise/not want England to succeed; it's betrayal. It still hurts to think of how badly they lost but it happens..

2. Spain. Some people who know naught would say I like Spain cause of Torres, who plays for Liverpool. As if I watch football for guys. The idea itself infuriates me, I have low patience with those who watch games and start commenting who's hot and who's not. Seriously, they need to get a life. Spain has always been a good and creative team with such great individual players as well. The likes of Xavi, Villa, Torres, Xabi Alonso, Ramos and Casillas; just a few names; are reason enough to support. They deserve victory, yes they do. And who can forget Raul, their star striker years back. Can't exactly remember when I started supporting them but it build up through the years and reached its peak during Euro 2008 which they won. :)

3. Germany. I remember it was 2002 that I started to notice how great they were. Perhaps they were brilliant in 1998, but watching at that age, what could I recall? I only remember the Brazil - France final where Brazil lost and that time I had hoped they would win. Ironically, the support faded and I was furious when the Germans lost to them. Kahn was extremely good throughout the whole tournament. Interesting personality. And I remember crying when I saw the players in tears after losing. They were so close. They've been better and better. Germany's the only team I support that doesn't have any Reds; yet it's the way they play and the spirit they have that makes me like them. 

4. Holland. A creative team with good players yet never really successful in winning the big ones. Seeing how eager they are to win it really pleases me. Especially now that they've reached the final. And yeah, the support gradually rose and ever since Euro, I've been rooting for them. 

5. Argentina. Well, this is the one I support the least, I prefer Europe teams in general. That's why when they went against Germany, I wouldn't mind if they had won though I prefer they didn't. Watching Mascherano captain the team is interesting and I've had a grown admiration for Messi who is such a great and humble World Footballer of the Year; compare him with Ronaldo who might be good but not great and far from humble. 

So you see, I do have reasons for supporting them though some cannot be explained; it's just there. I don't have a hard time dividing support. And the thing about having so many favourites; surely one will win; I beg to differ. I was so afraid when Spain and Germany lost in group stage and England struggling to qualify. It could've been worse. I mean I guess I just supported the right teams though it seemed different at first. 

Now that Holland's through to the finals, I know that whoever wins later is going to join them. And the fact that they are all my favourites; I'm more than glad. Sweet dream reality. 

I really don't get all the fuss about Paul the Octopus; even if his predictions are right, so what?

Even though I don't really mind whoever wins, I'm going to have mixed feelings at the end of the game tonight, even now I feel it. Spain has never reached the finals, not even the semi's and this could very well be their chance to make history and they can do it. But Germany's really strong and solid this time around, it will be too close to call. And seeing how well Germany have played, thrashing both England and Argentina, they deserve to win it too. They lost at home last World Cup and was so close to it in 02... So I really don't know... I should support Spain fully, since I would want success for any Liverpool player.. But I don't want Germany to lose either.... 

Oh, well.

overwhelming

Occasionally, everyone feels pressured. I won't say I'm feeling like that now but I know there's so many things I've got to do in the next few months and thinking about it on a surface level/on paper seems so overwhelming.

I've been staying in the new place for close to a week now and it's been great. I've been really blessed. No complains. :). And I'm ever so grateful for Joyce, who I'm staying with and her sister Jacintha who's on summer break now. They've been so nice and helpful, willing to fetch me to the bus hub early in the morning so I can make it for my 8am classes. The earliest bus only comes at 7 plus. The bus hub isn't too far away so I guess walking isn't such a bad idea but it's still dark at 6plus in the morning so yeah. I guess I need to figure out an alternative soon, don't wanna be a burden though they don't mind. 

College has been rather hectic. Time table is really bad. Monday I have a 4 and a half hour break; it's too long already. And the rest of the days are just full on classes with only 30 minutes break for me to eat. I'd trade my Monday free periods for classes. Well, nothing can be done. Gotta bear with it.

So what exactly do I have to do in the next couple of months that's gonna be so hectic?

1. Lit Units 3 and 4. 4 is coursework which I'm still not decided on what to do; the thing is doing ANYTHING makes it difficult to decide. Sometimes, too much freedom isn't such a good thing. And we're reminded everyday how we need to rush cause there isn't much time.

2. Religious Studies Unit 2 and part of 3. Well Unit 2 is just studying a single topic which means we have to go really in depth. And possibly everything that's got to do with it. And most of it will be my own research.

3. College applications etc. I'm already behind time I think. Want to sit for SAT's in Oct so I can quickly apply then. But there's lots to study for it as well. The English is really tough and my Maths is horrible. Haven't been doing it for so long I can't even remember anything. Time to brush up I guess.

Of course there are other things to do too like CF responsibilities, but that's fine. 

Yet I don't feel pressured. I know within me there is no strength to pull through. I've had so many experiences of nearly burning out, but He's never failed to be my source of strength and comfort. And it's more than enough for me. I can do it, because He will enable me too.

Till then. :)

Proverbs 19:21 - Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the LORD's purpose that prevails.

brilliance

If there was any team to beat it would be Argentina.

The Argentina Germany game was great. I was glad that I didn't have to watch the match with a high adrenaline rush, heart pumping fast all the time. I like both teams though I obviously favor Germany more since it's only this World Cup that I started supporting Argentina compared to Germany since 2002. But I thought it would be a very, very tight match and that Argentina would have a slightly higher chance of winning.

I was wrong again. Germany were obviously the better team. I wasn't surprised at how good they were but rather how Argentina failed to even get a goal. 4-0 is a BIG win and the fact that Argentina could lose like that doesn't prove that they're weak, but show a solid young and promising German team. And seeing that, I think that of all the teams left, they deserve it the most. Simply world class.

And it makes me feel that England's loss to them wasn't so bad; it just came too early. Hey at least they managed a goal. They tried. Nothing is predictable when it comes to the beautiful game. 

Now, this time, I'm really not prepared for a Spain upset; hope they make it through. 

hopes

I'm ECSTATIC. Seriously.. HAHAHAHA. 

So, Brazil just lost to Holland, one of my favourites. I wore orange again, to show which side I belong to. Watched in a mamak near the new place and the atmosphere was crazy.

To cut it short, I kinda feel bad that prior to the game I was kinda prepared for Holland to lose to Brazil. And watching the 1st half, I nearly wanted to go back. Brazil outclassed them and they didn't seem to be pushing much. But 2nd half, everything started to change; and lo and behold, they equalized. Still I had a feeling they had a chance to lose or maybe play to extra time... And who would've known, they scored and BRAZIL ARE KNOCKED OUT. YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS.

You might find this weird, but one reason why I like football is because I learn alot and especially when it comes to faith. Perseverance is a key to victory. And no matter what the circumstance, you don't worry what people say about you, even if they think you won't make it through, you push on and it'll be alright. And as for Holland that's exactly what they did. I assume the odds were in Brazil's favour but that's not the point. 

I've got to say this is one of the most epic games of the World Cup so far and I'm so, so, so happy. What started off as a nightmare, with Spain and Germany's group game losses, have turned into a rather sweet, unexpected dream for me and I hope nothing spoils it. It's very likely one of my favourites are gonna take this whole thing. With Holland in the semi's and likely to beat Uruguay/Ghana, can't write them off just yet; they're probably gonna meet another of my favourite team; 3/4 in the other set of quarter final games with only Paraguay there to spoil it. I hope not. 

So, YAYYYYYYYYYY. :D

end and beginning

It's over, finally. 

But classes start tomorrow. Ah. Actually they started on Monday but I didn't go, apparently those still having exams are allowed to skip so yea. Seeing how my 2 week 'break' after most of my papers just went by like that, I crammed studying in 3 days. And ironically, one of the questions that came out was planning an experiment about revising methods; where space revision (consistent studying) and cramming (last minute) would produce better results. The question was worth 12 marks. LOL, seriously.

The thought of having exams didn't deter me from watching football. World Cup's once every 4 years, exams are twice every year... And I've no regrets though I could've done so much better. Well, there's always next year I guess. Hah.

I don't feel liberated knowing this sem's gonna be so much tougher. And definitely more demanding. But I guess I'm ready for whatever is to come. It's not like I have a choice.

I just moved in to the condo yesterday and I guess I'm glad. Only transport's a bit of a hassle, takes more time and stuff but I'm fine with it.

And 4/5 of my fav teams are in the quarter's.. How nice. But now Argentina has play Germany; ah, I don't want either to lose, they should both advance further... Watching the England Germany game was painful. As much as I was glad at least one would go through, watching how badly England lost wasn't a good sight. And so much for not wanting video technology in football, the consequences are great. Hope they decide to introduce it soon, at least EPL will benefit from it too.

And I will be strong, my strength is in You.

fall from grace

I'd been wanting to post this for quite some time now but I totally forgot about it till just now.

I hope I don't offend anyone here; it was never my intention so I'm sorry if anyone is.. 

I've realized how painful it is to watch someone you know change so much. Especially when they become someone you barely recognize. It could also be watching those who used to be so faithful in serving Him leave the faith and walk their own ways.

Sometimes I wonder how could it ever happen? How could one completely forget the One who gave Himself that there may be life. And even scarier, sometimes I ask myself; what if it happens to me.. What if one day, I find that I no longer need Him and prefer to take charge of my own life.. I cannot imagine a life without Him. I cannot and I am afraid that I will someday fall away. Yet I know He tells me not to be, cause He will always be by my side. 

There are surely many reasons why anyone would turn away. And no one has the right to judge anybody else. But I've figured one possible reason could be that one feels God is silent; that He is no longer 'real'. It may be caused by unanswered prayers or bad events that take place where we no longer feel He cares. It starts off with being angry with God and if left like that, things would surely start to fall apart; and faith that once was will soon come to nothing.

Being humans, we all like to feel, we need empirical evidence. One reason why many people cannot believe Him is because they cannot see thus they don't think He exists. But how many things on earth do we know and believe and yet have seen? Science claims to give us the answers. We can accept all the science facts so easily even though we ourselves have not seen or experience it; yet when it comes to God, we often doubt. 

Many things I do not know and I know I never will come to full knowledge. Yet what He's done for me cannot be denied and these are the very truths I hold on to every single time I feel He is not there. Feelings fool you; they are mere FEELINGS. But one must remember that faith comes from believing and not seeing. 

I wish they could see; that He never changes. He remains faithful even though we do not realize. If ever you find yourself so close to giving up, recall the day you gave your life to Him; recall the times where He guided you, touched you. If there are none, there is no reason to give up but to persevere and He is faithful to those who call upon Him. He knows what you need, and if it is a touch, He will do it. God is not silent; it's we who don't listen. And even if at times He does not speak; what position do we have to question and be mad at Him? Mere mortals; that's what we are... This life has no meaning apart from Him. 

2 Corinthians 4:17 - For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

Jesus loves you.

oh no

Including today, there's exactly 6 days left to my exam... How did time pass so fast? I have barely revised.. I'm in big trouble; I hope not.

How ironic is it.. I had 20 days to revise for ONE paper compared to the whole month for 4 papers; but it seems like I had more time then than now. Not that I did much previously anyway so it just proves how much I've not done at all. Don't wanna panic though, there's no point.

It's today where everything is about to change. Gah.

Anyway, it's been exhilarating to watch World Cup yet it's been absolutely heart-pounding. And so 4/5 of my fav teams are true. :D. It's all down to Spain now. Shouldn't be a problem, but in football anything can happen as you may well know. 

And I'm quite depressed that England is gonna meet Germany next, been supporting the former since I was young, it comes together with being an avid EPL follower and Liverpudlian and as for Germany, I think it was 2002 when it all began.. They're a really good team and deserve to win though they've been unlucky. I wouldn't mind whoever wins but watching the other lose will be painful. It would be fine to watch the match if it had been semi's or something.. But it's too soon.. 

And my misery doesn't end there. Looking at the match-fixtures, Argentina is playing Mexico and the winners will play Eng/Ger in the quarters and assuming Argentina wins, it'll be another kick out of my favourites. Why oh why? It's not fair, the other match has Uruguay, South Korea and USA, Ghana, and a semi-finalist is gonna emerge from there..... Sad, sad, sad.

I think I'd stop here before the reality of the situation really strikes me. Thanks to football, I've no time to think about personal issues (not that I've many) but it's been such a great relief... Though I'm adding World Cup woes to one my own...

 Till then.

half insomniac, if there's such a thing

I think the irregular sleeping patterns since World Cup started has had its effect. Prior to this; though my sleeping hours weren't exactly fixed everyday, I can still sleep anytime I want to without much problems except if I have caffeine or some other reasons. 

It's getting harder to fall asleep at times now. But I won't complain. I bet many people are having these problems too; probably even worse. Today at church, pastor was telling us some news about extreme World Cup fanatics in China. Can't exactly remember the details but I recall a lady giving her husband ground rules of what he can and cannot do during the W. Cup season. Then there was a girl who was close to committing suicide but was stopped by the police and the reason? You probably guessed right; felt neglected by her boyfriend who was obviously glued to the TV. Then another wife slit her wrists due to being 'football widowed'. Where's the sanity in that? 

I don't wanna end up with a guy who doesn't watch or like football (EPL especially). Can you imagine how wrong and weird it would be if he went out with his friends and they ask where I am; and he answers "Oh, she's watching football at home." Imagine the look onhis friends faces and the teasing they'll do. Lol. I'm serious though.

Exactly 10 days more to my last paper; I've read 5 pages so far. Such good progress don't you think. Considering the fact that the World Cup is on and my emotions have been somewhat affected. Don't worry, I'm not going to do anything rash whatever happens. I know I should be studying but its much harder to get myself to do it. At least my 4 papers were done before W.Cup started or it could've been so much worse. 

I'm gonna try to balance books, football and meeting up with friends this week before I head back to KL and once I do, no more fooling around for me. And I've finally received the package after ordering it in March, love the stuff; as good as it looked on the net. Thanks Stv and Rachel too. :)

I'll sing, because the world can't take away, Your love. 

world cup so far

World Cup has been a nightmare for me. With the exception of Argentina and Holland who have secured a place in the next round by clinching 2 group stage victories so far; the rest have been a pain to watch.

England; the horrible mistake by Green led to a draw with the U.S; and this morning, they were held to a stalemate with Algeria.. ALGERIA. But Algeria was actually pretty good, England was not up to par or the goals would have easily come in. The next match is do or die. 

Spain; was thinking Switzerland wouldn't pose much of a challenge. That was probably what everyone thought and the underdogs won instead. Don't know how it happen but it was really disappointing. At least it's only the first game. They've got to buck up.

Germany; was ecstatic seeing how they thrashed and outclassed Australia; a game I could watch over and over again. So who would've known that Serbia would turn the tables around and beat the Germans. But the referee is partly to blame, giving out so many yellows, a high 9 and sending Klose off; so unfair. Again, it's do or die too. 

Don't you see how football involves emotions? I wish I could watch it without being so caught up but it's not something that can be helped. I'm even going as far to say that if all three countries, Germany, England and Spain don't make it through to the next round, it's goodbye World Cup-s for me. What's the point? I don't like seeing underdogs get through, I just don't. It's like EPL not topped by the Top 4 anymore; you say its more fun, I say its not right. It's not the way it should be.

Still, I'm not losing hope. May all 3 get through; I'd be overjoyed.

it doesn't change

A friend just dropped the bomb.. So I just found out that Benayoun's leaving Liverpool. Fair enough. As much as he's good to stay, I guess his decision should be respected. But going to Chelsea definitely's gonna cause him to sit on the bench more, I'm sure of that.

Then I was told Mascherano, Gerrard and Torres were leaving too, each to different big clubs.

I couldn't believe it. I went to look up online news of them REALLY leaving and thankfully none confirmed it to be true. I remember Torres saying he'll only decide after World Cup. Gerrard has been disappointed with the season, who wasn't? But it seems Real Madrid's not going to bid for him anymore. Let's hope it's true. As for Mascherano, it's still unknown.

I'll be really upset if any of them leaves. I just wish they'd give one more, at least just one more season. With Rafa out, it could either be worse or better off for the club. No one knows yet. But one thing's for sure; all of them can leave and it won't change a thing about how I feel. Sure, quality will drop tremendously and the future of the club will be even bleaker than it already is. But I won't be moved. 

YNWA. You stick to your club through thick and thin, no matter how good or bad. Let people say what they want, it doesn't change anything.

"Form is temporary but class is permanent."

At least there's the World Cup going on to forget club woes right now. :)

eating spree

I'm on an eating spree. At least that's what it seems like.

Grandparents and relatives from mom's side came down to Ipoh on Sunday to celebrate my grandma's 80th birthday. Usually we all go to T.Intan, since that's where most of them are but decided to have a change this time around. 

Dinner was at Menglembu East Ocean. After many pictureless posts, here goes. I shall make you drool.. Lol. Pictures taken by my cousin, was too absorbed with the food to bother.

"Fatt Tsoi" soup. Whatever it stands for, it was full of good stuff. 

Cold dish/4 seasons. The presentation was great

Fried Cod Fish

Roast Lamb with "Man Tou"

"Ha Lok" style Prawns

Vegetable with Yam.. I actually liked it alot. Hah.

Wan Tan Noodles..

Some "Tong Sui".. I think it was Sweet Potato based.

Chintoi

Other pics

The flowers we got for grandma

8/15 grandchildren.

I was glad and I think nearly everyone was too. Good food and good company makes a worthy dinner. 

T.Intan seafood restaurants are better in terms of freshness and price.. That being said, I was in T.I for the past few days. Went down with Mum and John on Sun afternoon and came back today. Been eating prawns for the past 3 days. And I downed around 500g of crabs two days ago. I can imagine what I'd be if I'd been living there all my life. Hah. Still, I'm thankful for being so blessed. 

Picture of the day.. 

John and Isabelle

Till then!